Have I long to go?

[The_duke]

I attended a “Well Person’s” clinic recently at the Doctor’s surgery and it went something like this.

Nurse: Before we start lets just take some blood and ask a few questions
Nurse: (sticking HUGE needle in my arm) Stop squirming
Nurse: Now Mr Smyth do you smoke ?
Me: Yes
Nurse: Cut that out. Do you drink ?
Me: Yes
Nurse: How many units a week?
Me: What’s a unit?
Nurse: A small glass of wine or half a pint of beer
Me: How many units am I allowed?
Nurse: 21 units a week maximum and no more than 6 units a night
Me: Ooops buggered the weeks quota last night.
Nurse: Well cut it down to the recommended amount
Nurse: Do you eat red meat
Me: Yes
Nurse: Cut that out. Do you have fried food?
Me: yes
Nurse: Cut that out.. Now on these scales please, thank you now under this, thank
          you. Mr Smyth your BMI says that you are Fat bordering on obese. We need
          to structure a diet.
Nurse: First indications would indicate that your cholesterol is also way too high and the
          diet will reflect this.

So it looks like my life expectancy is around 15 minutes unless I, Stop smoking, Stop drinking and Stop eating. Then it would be about 1 week because I am medically fat and can live off that.

However I have no intention of adhering to Sister Attila the Hun and I will live until I die.

All the best off to change my will.

[Laxie]

Well, on the plus side...at least we've met.   

[kinboshi]

I attended a “Well Person’s” clinic recently...

Well, they let you in - that's a start!

[MKKfish]

"Well, they let you in - that's a start!"

Very true.... when I went all I got was "No time wasters please"

[Newmanseye]

NO chance Big man, the Grim reaper does not have the odds to call!

[Bainn]

I will send flowers to the funeral.

[kinboshi]

I will send flowers to the funeral.

I'll send Bainn.

[byronkincaid]

have you got a wife, children, grandchildren?

[CelticGeezeer]

Check it out here
http://www.deathclock.com/

[The_duke]

Check it out here
http://www.deathclock.com/

According to that I died last year !!!! And maybe the pic below is why I should quit smoking anyway

[Dingdell]

I have to admit to enjoying the odd cigarette and other vices including alcohol but it's all in moderation.

It would be wrong for me to tell my clients to cut everything out and then have a starbucks mocha and belgian chocolate cornflake slice on the way home   

Enjoy life but make sure you have enough time to make the most of it.

[mickyp]

I've got all the same vices as the duke,but i'm a skinny bugger.So how long have i got left ?

[The_duke]

I've got all the same vices as the duke,but i'm a skinny bugger.So how long have i got left ?

You might last but poor defenceless animals won't

[GlasgowBandit]

I went to the doctors today with a sore back, its been sore for the past 2 weeks I fell down a mates stairs after 3 bottles of wine and the quack somehow managed to turn it around to it being a weight issue!!  Argh, these ***** really do piss me off.  I thought my corner well then she started discussing my drinking, I meant wtf all I wanted was some pain killers.

[kinboshi]

I went to the doctors today with a sore back, its been sore for the past 2 weeks I fell down a mates stairs after 3 bottles of wine and the quack somehow managed to turn it around to it being a weight issue!!  Argh, these ***** really do piss me off.  I thought my corner well then she started discussing my drinking, I meant wtf all I wanted was some pain killers.

Technically it was a weight issue.  If you'd been in space and 'weightless', there wouldn't have been the gravitational pull to get you down the stairs. 

That probably isn't helping though...