Parenting advice needed

[cia260895]

I am a stepfather to 2 girls 13/10 the 13 year old has recently taken some of my wifes cigarettes tried (how many don't know) them and lied about what they were doing in her room i discovered them whilst looking for my  CD?,what would/should be the appropriate course of action after such an event,my view differs greatly from my wifes, all views will be greatly appreciated

[sovietsong]

what can you do?  if you make a big deal of it you could create the 'you cant tell me what to do' arguement, i would tell the missus and let her deal with it. 

[Laxie]

We've recently found ourselves in the same spot with our 15 year old son.  However, like your wife, we're smokers so giving the 'smoking is bad for you' lecture is hypocritical waste of time.  We basically sat him down and said while we're not happy that he's taken up the same bad habit, we're even more disappointed that he'd lie about it.  Kids will be kids and it's a different world they're growing up in, but regardless of everything else...family is key and honesty should be centre of that world, no matter how bad the news is. 

No point saying they can't, because remember when you were a kid that age...if we really wanted to do something, we found a way around the rules.  We did tell our son that under no circumstances was he allowed to smoke in the house.  We don't like what he's doing and we'd rather he didn't, but we're not going to stop him.  Just don't lie to us. 

As it turns out we've decided to tackle the drinking issue at the same time, but with a wee twist.  In the case of drinking, we've told him if he really wants to try it that bad, he can have a tin or two... with us in our own home.  Maybe not the best approach, but he's only recently taken us up on it once during a special occasion.  We'd rather he learn responsible drinking in moderation rather than hanging out in a field drinking to the point of paralytic like other kids his age.  If it's not seen as some mysterious 'forbidden fun', I'm hoping they aren't half as bothered to get stuck in.  Will get back to you on that one when we've dealt with it a bit longer.

They have to learn by making their own mistakes.  We'll do what we can to guide them and it might not always be perfect, but I don't want them to be afraid to come to us.  I'm a firm believer in honesty above all else and they know they'll get into even more trouble if they lie than if they just fess up and give us a chance to deal with it.         

[MPOWER]

I'd get the wife to stop Smoking for starters.  

The extra cash she has saved she could put that towards your Poker bankroll.  

This will also stop little Miss stealing cigarettes.

Problem solved

Regards

M

 



  

[Dingdell]

Blimey times have changed. My Dad caught me smoking at age 16 and I didn't sit down for a week....

No criticism of any advice on here - it's just amazing how times have moved on. Sometimes you feel so old and the  look so young.

[Laxie]

Blimey times have changed. My Dad caught me smoking at age 16 and I didn't sit down for a week....

No criticism of any advice on here - it's just amazing how times have moved on. Sometimes you feel so old and the  look so young.

Was the same in our house growing up...as well as our friend's houses.  Unfortunately it didn't stop that generation in my neighbourhood.  We just got better at sneaking around.

[lucky_scrote]

Blimey times have changed. My Dad caught me smoking at age 16 and I didn't sit down for a week....

No criticism of any advice on here - it's just amazing how times have moved on. Sometimes you feel so old and the  look so young.

Was the same in our house growing up...as well as our friend's houses.  Unfortunately it didn't stop that generation in my neighbourhood.  We just got better at sneaking around.

My parents both used to smoke (and they had done for 30+ years). They never told me or my brother or sister to not smoke, they just said how disgusting it was and to try and not fall into the same trap. Well i guess it has nothing to do with the parents because both my brother and sister smoke yet i haven't even touched a cig in my life. As it happens both my parents quit smoking a year ago and havnt tried since, awesome

[steeveg]

i agree with laxie,i smoke myself ,i have a lad and girl who both tried smoking the odd sly ciggy in there teens, there now in there mid and late twentys and both now never smoke.i just turned a blind eye,its better they sneak off to the bedroom for a cigg and you know where they are than having to hang round the streets at nights meeting the wrong sort of friends, who could be a bad influence, i always thought just make sure they keep good company,and they will turn out ok, my 2 are brilliant i wouldnt worry about it,its all part of growing up

[KingPoker]

Blimey times have changed. My Dad caught me smoking at age 16 and I didn't sit down for a week....

There's your answer CIA, take all the chairs out of the house

[kinboshi]

Blimey times have changed. My Dad caught me smoking at age 16 and I didn't sit down for a week....

There's your answer CIA, take all the chairs out of the house

LOL....fool!

[sofa----king]

my wife just caught me smoking and sheljohas;iohcutooljokmyjofingersnnoufoff

[barhell]

Buy them all a copy of http://www.amazon.com/Easy-Way-Stop-Smoking-Nonsmokers/dp/1402718616

[Claw75]

If all she's doing is smoking cigarettes I probably wouldn't be too heavy.  Would be more worried about drink and/or drugs at that age - much more potential to get into trouble as a result.

[kinboshi]

I'm not a parent (which is probably fortunate for all concerned), but they will be drinking at that age.

Far better to let them drink in the house and show them what responsible drinking is.  You aren't going to stop them from drinking, so best to let them try it in a safe environment.

As for smoking, I'd point out the health issues - and the financial ones.  A smoker telling a teenager that they wish they hadn't started smoking themselves might have a bigger impact than a bollocking.  However, I'd give them a bollocking for smoking in the house and that they nicked some ciggies.

[Claw75]

Far better to let them drink in the house and show them what responsible drinking is.  You aren't going to stop them from drinking, so best to let them try it in a safe environment.

I agree with that, I was thinking more about the type of drinking I was doing at that age.  Bottle of thunderbird - lovely.  Oops, feel sick, will just throw up over this balcony.  Shit, the police, better run.  Where the hell are my shoes?

Happy days.