live to work, or work to live?

[Claw75]

I lay awake for what seemed like a long time last night contemplating life, and what I want from it.  I’ve just turned 32.  I’ve been working in the same office for the past 13 years and fell into my ‘career’ by accident.  I joined at 19 as a secretary, employed purely, I am sure, because I was the only candidate interviewed who had experience of the obscure and archaic word processing package used by the office at that time.  Since then, I’ve been promoted three times, get a good wage, flexible working hours, 30 days annual leave plus privilege holidays and a very nice final salary pension scheme to which my employer contributes over £7k a year on top of my wages.  As well as that, I can do the job standing on my head and it gives me little stress.

In many ways, it sounds like the perfect job for someone who works to live, and that’s how I’ve looked at it.  I have a five year old daughter and, since my split from my husband, my own income has to cover one household’s rent, bills, council tax – more than double my financial contribution before I was living alone.  I’m not well off, but I do have enough money to pay my bills and service my debts, leaving enough over every month for food, clothes, the odd night out etc, and I use any income I make from poker to buy myself luxuries  – an enviable set of circumstances for many in my position I can imagine.

The trouble is I have reached the point where I feel really unfulfilled at work.  I don’t enjoy what I do, it’s just become a daily grind.  As I said, I fell into the job by accident.  Yes I can do it, but in terms of where my natural skills, abilities and interests lie me and my job are poles apart.  I’ve been thinking how great it must be to wake up in the morning and go to a job that you love doing – getting paid is a bonus.  Am I living in cloud cuckoo land to think that that’s a real possibility?

The other issue is I don’t have experience of doing anything else, and that’s dented my confidence in terms of thinking of what else I could do.  Also, inevitably, a change of career at this stage in my life would mean a big drop in income, which, with my current responsibilities, would seem a selfish and foolish thing to willingly get in to.

I just see myself coming here day after day, ticking off the days until I retire and get my nice fat pension, so that I can start enjoying my life to the full.  Am I naïve to think that for people of working age that’s not enough?  I can’t help thinking that if I got knocked over by a bus next week I’d regret not doing more with my life.

After all this thought I came up with a woolly medium term plan – stick it out here for the next seven years or so until my daughter is a little more independent and I’m (hopefully) debt free, then look about at options working in an area I enjoy (poker, maybe!).  That of course rules out having any more children, which my biological clock might have something to say about before then!

So to sum up my thoughts: should I throw caution to the wind and try to find work that leaves me personally fulfilled but almost certainly worse off financially, or should I count my blessings (of which I am well aware there are many)?

I don’t think I want any advice, just wanted to write it down I guess.  I’m sure many people have found themselves in a similar situation, however, and would be interested to hear of any success stories or otherwise.

[Claw75]

just read that back and sussed it - it's my mid-life crisis isn't it?!

[ACE2M]

i'm in almost exactly the same boat, i feel completely trapped by the money i earn.

[Ginger]

just read that back and sussed it - it's my mid-life crisis isn't it?!

Yep, sounds like it lol.

My Sister has recently been going through the same thing, unsatisfied with a job she had been doing for years (and could do standing on her head) and was unable to further her career where she was.

After several years of agonising over what to do, partly waiting for her two children to be more dependant,  she finally plucked up the nerve to leave the job and totally change her career path. She was willing to take a drop in wage as she too saw herself as unqualified to do anything else than what she had been doing for the last 14 years. The result has been she has found a fantastic job that she never envisaged herself doing, that she thoroughly enjoys - she even gets paid more than double her old salary to do it!

She was lucky that she had her husbands wage to rely on if it all went pair shaped, so it would be riskier for you to do the same, but it's by no means impossible.

[matt674]

find a rich bloke, marry him and never work again......... 

[AndrewT]

find a rich bloke, marry him and never work again......... 

Tsk, primates. They fluke a couple of MTT results and suddenly think they're the Duke of Westminster.

[TheChipPrince]

Since then, I’ve been promoted three times, get a good wage, flexible working hours, 30 days annual leave plus privilege holidays and a very nice final salary pension scheme to which my employer contributes over £7k a year on top of my wages. 
 

Must be awful...!

[Dewi_cool]

find a rich bloke, marry him and never work again......... 

sounds like a proposal

[Colchester Kev]

yep, sounds VERY VERY much like a proposal ..... CONGRATS TO THE PAIR OF YOU xxx

[Ginger]

Oooooohh, I have just the link that you two need.

And before anyone wonders why I know the link, a mate of mine created it (and I had a little bit of input too )

Clicky

[RED-DOG]

What a great post Claw.

Speaking from personal experience, I often wanted to get off the treadmill and do something exciting/satisfying, but if you have people who depend on you, you have to be very cautious. The grass is always greener and all that.


Even now, as a "Professional" poker player, I'm quick to accept a chop or careful to ladder into the better money rather than throw caution to the wind and go for the win.

But.... that being said, you only live once, and as long as no one goes without, gird up your loins, take your shot, and may the force be with you.

[boldie]

What a great post Claw.

Speaking from personal experience, I often wanted to get off the treadmill and do something exciting/satisfying, but if you have people who depend on you, you have to be very cautious. The grass is always greener and all that.

Wise words indeed. Mrsboldie quit her job because she wanted something else (stayed in the same company though) and she got a job that she only didn't hate for 1 day. She handed her notice in within a week and took a while off after that. I took over the job she left.

 She now has a better job but at the end of the day a job is only there to pay the bills and it's certainly not worth being miserable about. If you can find something/someone else to pay the bills, that that.

congrats on getting engaged BTW!

[vegaslover]

just read that back and sussed it - it's my mid-life crisis isn't it?!

Yep. When you buying the sports car?

[Graham C]

I was in the same boat but in 2002 I decided that it was no longer for me so I jacked it all in and went to work with my Father.  I don't have the money I used to have, I don't have the nice associated things like car, pensions, health cover that I used to have (well, I do have a car now, but only after 3 years of not having one) but I do have a great life now.  I can pay the bills and we get by ok which is the main thing.

I do get jealous of my mates that have well paid jobs from time to time, but when I look at the amount of stress some of them are under and the long hours they put in, I know I'm best off where I am.

I can just take time off and spend it with the family whenever I want to.  I come home stress free.  I have short days and finish early if I need to and I come in late sometimes if I've been up late.  Life is good.

[Mango99]

I know how you feel. This was one of the reasons I left a very well-paid job in 2001/2002 to set up a poker/gambling company. It took a lot of hard work, and meant I was skint for 2 years, losing a lot of friends in the process (there's only so many times you'll be invited out if you are perpetually broke).

After almost 2 years of getting nowhere I started applying for jobs again. I was happy that I'd given it a go though, and not ashamed to admit that I'd failed. Then, like a miracle, in the 11th hour - and Dragon's Den stylee - an investor said "I'm in".

I was very fortunate that I succeeded in the end, but even if I'd failed I'd have been forever happy that I'd given it my best shot. If I hadn't given it a shot, I'd still be wondering today "what if?". And with the poker market the way it is now, and the excellent domain name we acquired probably have being snapped up years ago, it probably would have been too late.

Have you thought about discussing how you feel with the HR department? They might be able to offer some solutions with regards to the current job you are doing? Some kind of sideways shift maybe? They could also possibly offer you a 6-month sabattical, or 6-months unpaid leave (not easy if you have dependents though...)