With apologies to Mary Schmich/Baz Luhrmann

Welcome the Blondes of 2008

Fold A 10.

If I could offer you only one tip for the future, folding A 10 would be it.

The long-term benefits of folding this hand have been proved by scientists, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience. I will dispense this advice now.

Enjoy the power and beauty of your AA. Oh, never mind. You will not understand the power and beauty of these cards until they've been cracked by 5 4 off. But trust me, in 20 years, you'll look back at blogs of yourself and recall in a way you can't grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous AA really looked. You are not as loose as you imagine.

Don't worry about the chip leader. Or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve the odds of a three way multi stacked all-in by chewing bubble gum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind, the kind that Ironside you at 4 a.m. in a lap dancing club on some idle Saturday morning.

Do one thing every day that scares you (re-raise Red Dog).

Raise.

Don't be reckless with other people's money. Don't put up with people who re-raise your pissy assed positional raise.

Raise.

Don't waste your time on jealousy. Sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind. The race is long and, in the end, it's only against Tikay anyway.

Remember compliments you receive. Forget the insults. If you succeed in doing this, tell Kev.

Keep your old player notes. Throw away your old bank statements.

Raise.

Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your hand. The most interesting people I know didn't know what they wanted to do with AK. Some of the most interesting 60-year-olds I know still don't.

See plenty of pots. Be kind to your three’s. You'll miss them when they're gone.

Maybe you'll double up, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll have trips, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll bust out in the first level, maybe you'll make the final table on your 75th attempt. Whatever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much, or berate yourself either. Your choices might seem limited. So are everybody else's.

Enjoy your reads. Use them every way you can. Don't be afraid of it or of what other people think of it. It's the greatest poker instrument you'll ever own.

Bluff, even if you have nowhere to do it but on your own PC.

Read the rules, even if you don't follow them.

Do not read poker magazines. They will only make you feel stupid.

Get to know your opponents. You never know when they'll next go all in. Be nice to your outdraw merchants. They're your best link to the fact that you shouldn’t have been in the hand anyway.

Understand that friends come and go, but with a precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in odds calculation and verbal declarations, because the older you get, the more you need the people who understood you when you had money.

Play in Monte Carlo once, but leave before it makes you broke. Play in Brighton once, but leave before it drives you mad.

Raise.

Accept certain inalienable truths: Donkeys will raise. Richeo won’t fold. You, too, will push in. And when you do, you'll fantasize that when you were young, people respected your raises, you won most pots and other poker players respected you.

Raise.

Don't expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a big bankroll. Maybe you'll find a wealthy sponsor. But you never know when either one might run out.

Don't mess too much with your chips or by the time you're 40 you will have arthritis.

Be careful whose advice you listen to, but be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia. Dispensing it is a way of fishing the last bad beat, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it's worth.

But above all trust me on the A 10