Okay society you win- Diary of a fat boy

[Snatiramas]

well apparently the young man did come back into the casino and yet again I managed to save my worst poker for a main event...................going away to boil my head

[Dingdell]

You looked fantastic yesterday Phil - really great - not seeing you that often means i can really see a difference. Bloody amazing - well done xx

[the sicilian]

Was milling about last night ,railing and donating to the hundred in prep for today..spotted you head in hand so decided not to push my crotch into 7 peoples faces to get to you...but Phil m8...you look amazing..i almost didn't recognise you..

Hats off to you..... what a display of strength and willpower...well done !!   

[DaveShoelace]

I was uber impressed at what you have achieved thus far in your diet Phil, you looked a totally different fella last night since I last saw you at DTD a few months back. Not just thinner but shorter (dunno if its a good thing but I noticed it) and younger.

I think its fair to say the diary, the support and the challenge has brought out the best in you. if you hit any sort of slump (which does happen unfortunatley as someone who has gone from 19st to 13st and currently back to 15st myself) I advise you orchestrate a futher challenge to counteract it (maybe a charity weight loss type thing) as it clearly works for you, you competative bastard you.

Good work fella.

[Snatiramas]

Ladies and gentlemen thank you for the kind words and thank you to all those who came up to me last week..............now for a post

[Snatiramas]

It is amazing how to bring the very best out of a competitive situation one needs to have the best adversary. In boxing terms I think of Sugar Ray Leornard, Tommy Hearns, Marvin Hagler and Roberto Duran. So many classic fights at that time between this group. In football terms that extra special edge of going to the local derby match and please I will not upset anybody here by stating one though my own travels to the Old Den following West Ham bring a little lump to the throat. In cricket the Aussies need England. It just means more and somehow everybody hates the English and yet I struggle to totally understand why. I mean we are not even an indigenous people.

We were invaded by every country under the sun and when these invasions finally stopped we only knew how to do one thing and that was to invade everybody else. So we did. I mean it is not a complete surprise that if you teach people to behave in a certain way they go off and do it. Of course if you tell people to behave in a certain way they will go and do the opposite. It is a fine line and a huge difference between teaching and telling.

So it is with Adams room. Now as you know I am hugely proud of the kids and the latest photo of the yeti in full flight has been blown up and sits proudly on my desk in the office. He and his sister though are seriously pushing the edges of reasonable behaviour as regards their personal living space. I am tired of looking down on the floor and there strewn casually all over the floor is a selection of just worn clothing. Well I am not going to tell them any longer…………now I am going to teach them.

Anne Marie and I had a council of war this morning. There is nothing for it. Anything left on the floor is going in the dustbin liner. The dustbin liner will beyond their access. It is going to hurt as they realise that they have nothing to wear. The payment in kind to get these clothes back is going to cost dearly. I have no doubt as adversaries go that Rachel and Adam are going to be right up there. I mean Rachel from a very early age realised that she would call all semi bluff behaviour from her parents. You know the type of thing. “If you don’t do this then you won’t…………..” copped the standard response of “I don’t care” and a stomp up the stairs. I will keep you posted on this one.

Now it may surprise you that in my youth I could hold a snooker cue with reasonable success. Just above average with a top break in the sixties. This skill came about due to diligent practice during chemistry lessons and the fact that the school backed onto the university which had snooker tables. The time needed to master snooker was greatly aided by the fact that in the fourth year (15 years old) I did not bother attending the first chemistry lesson of the year. From that moment on the chemistry master did not expect to see me and I didn’t disappoint him by actually turning up. This arrangement would have been fine if only parents evening had not suddenly appeared in November. My parents knew I was supposed to take chemistry and having found out that I had not been there for three months decided to come back and have a full and frank discussion with their wastrel offspring. Let us not dwell on this now.

My snooker adversary was a young man called Michael May. He was fiercely competitive and we were fairly well matched right up until it came to the last three colours. The blue, pink and black. For some reason Mike had a real problem with potting the blue and on a regular occurrence I would then walk to the table and clear them winning the frame by a couple of points. It would send him giddy and we both knew it was going to happen and I would love to say that I used to hate it but I didn’t. Oh no not me. I would make sure that maximum pain was felt with a quick one liner. You know something along the lines of “my word how unlucky was that!”.

Even my good mate Hillel had an adversary called Shammai. Now Hillel as you know came up with the line of “if not now when?” The story goes that a stranger came to town. The stranger wasn’t Jewish and said to Shammai “I want to convert to Judaism but only if you teach me everything to do with the Jewish religion whilst I stand on one leg”. Shammai gave the stranger pretty short shrift but the stranger undeterred went to Hillel and asked the same question. Hillel said certainly, so the stranger stood on one leg and Hillel said “Do to others as you would have done to yourself. Everything else in the religion is just concepts around this one belief”. The man of course converted and Hillel is an absolute hero of mine.

Now my adversary is something inside myself. I feel my mind weakening towards my diet before I am even anywhere near ready to diet switch. ~You see I know I am going to have to monitor what I eat for the rest of my life. I have had a couple of bad weeks where I did things that actually I am not sure I wanted to do. What sort of person does this? Maybe a fairly normal person……….maybe not. Anyway the poker does not help me stay on this stage of my life change. The long hours and late nights have led me to do things that I just did not need to do. Today as I sit at my desk I have found again the resolve I had at the start of this journey.  The live poker will have to be heavily regulated. The odd visit here and there.

Talking of live poker at the main event in Luton I had the pleasure of sharing a table with Alex Martin and Byronkincaid or as Alex famously called him in a post Byronic Acid. Now Byron had warned me of the dangers of the diet and I know he was looking after my best interests. Mate I have looked it up on the internet. I may suffer hair loss after I come back onto a normal diet. Well that one is okay as I haven’t got much left anyway. As regards my periods I think I should be okay there as well. Drinking enough water is just common sense. Byron I know this is not a life diet. I know that I fall off it a fair amount. I know that I am four stone lighter than I was. I know I want to get lighter still and this works for me and I know for certain your concern was genuine so I thank you.

As to my weight adversary let battle commence cos this baby ain’t done with you yet…………normal post on Friday when I think it is time to talk about the beer industry. Something we can all relate to.

[Karabiner]

Another breathtaking offering from Snatman 

You don't half tell a good story Phil.

Adolescent semi-bluffs, I reckon I got a few of those through but it's harder with today's parents, well some of them....

[boldie]

Can't wait to hear more about the battle..my parents regularly threatened me with stuff like that..and never followed up..simply because they didn't want to have to buy me loads of new stuff

[cia260895]

I'd say girls would give in way b4 the boys would..keep us posted how it goes..... oh and dont post any pics of you as i wanna see you at the bb for the WOW factor....

[byronkincaid]

i think you should consider doing the starting strength program when you go back to normal food, it's pretty amazing imo. this guy is doing just that

http://forumserver.twoplustwo.com/showthread.php?t=268805

was pretty LOL 4 of us being on the same table

http://www.amazon.com/Starting-Strength-2nd-Mark-Rippetoe/dp/0976805421/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1218480519&sr=8-1

[Snatiramas]

i think you should consider doing the starting strength program when you go back to normal food, it's pretty amazing imo. this guy is doing just that

http://forumserver.twoplustwo.com/showthread.php?t=268805

was pretty LOL 4 of us being on the same table

http://www.amazon.com/Starting-Strength-2nd-Mark-Rippetoe/dp/0976805421/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1218480519&sr=8-1

Good stuff thank you

[boldie]

Snatty, when using the Wii Fit, do you follow a certain program or just what you feel like that day?

(I am 2 lbs overweight and generally need to work on my fitness according to the damned thing)

[Snatiramas]

Snatty, when using the Wii Fit, do you follow a certain program or just what you feel like that day?

(I am 2 lbs overweight and generally need to work on my fitness according to the damned thing)

whatever I get the urge to do....but always core balance work. Makes you feel good

[Snatiramas]

Those accursed words “New Improved Recipe” lambasted the tranquil world of the Snat diet this week. What on earth are they thinking when they put this marketing positivity all over one of my favourite drinks from fat club. Let me explain. My day goes like this. Get up and have a strawberry shake using either ice cold water or some crushed ice. Lunchtime is soup time. A choice of either Vegetable or Mushroom. Mid afternoon is Raspberry and Cranberry bar time and supper at 7pm is either a vanilla or banana shake mixed with a spoonful of instant coffee and served well cold.

It was only as I was making lunch today Tuesday that I noticed it. I took out my vegetable soup and there in large letters was that terror of existing customers the “New Improved Recipe”. What are they thinking. I mean I am probably an existing customer of the old recipe, which of course I was and if that is the case then why would you want to alienate me. Well they have, let me tell you, not just alienated me but it is now the most noxious concoction known to dieting man. Oh I feel a mega feedback session coming at fat club. Other things that were new and improved at some time in my life that were definitely retrograde steps were. Club Orange. It was the perfect biscuit after of course the Tunnocks caramel wafer. Of course there is barely a week goes by when there is not a new improved washing powder. Makes you wonder how we ever had clean clothes previously.

What does this have to do with the beer industry I hear you ask? Well let me tell you. The first time I really understood the full impact of the marketing man I was working for Guinness but that is too far along in the story so let’s back up just a bit.

Anne Marie and I had met on a blind date on the 26th January 1991. Well we had talked on the phone for about three hours before this happened. Well actually Anne Marie had talked for two hours fifty five minutes before we met and I had made non committal male grunting noises for the remainder. Listen I know you find that hard to believe based on my normal chatty behaviour but I was and still am a mere novice in the art of total manipulation of the tools of communication in relation to Mrs. Snat.

I had been given Anne Marie’s number by the mother of an ex girlfriend whose motivation was I think to ensure that I, on no account, got back together with her daughter. Well obviously you can’t blame the poor woman and she is very friendly with Anne Marie’s step mother and they decided that Anne Marie and I might be well suited. When given the phone number I asked for a description of my blind date not in physical terms but as regards personality. I got a one word answer. Feisty.  Anyway we decide to meet up. Me in my loafers with tassels and my Marks and Spencer regulation blue sweater, I have no idea what I was thinking about with the shoes, and Anne Marie in this bright emerald green sweater.

We went to the museum of the moving image. We had tea at Richoux. We went on to a movie. Narrow margin starring Gene Hackman. We had a pretty cool day really. Anyway the following day one of Anne Maries friends phoned her and asked in that particularly Jewish way “noo, what was he like?” to which Anne Marie replied “he is okay, but he is geographically unsuitable and I won’t be having his children.” Well the following weekend was Amma’s birthday and she was having a party and I wasn’t invited. She maintains to this day that the only reason she didn’t invite me was she was scared of me being interrogated by her friends. A likely story. Okay so I am not invited. Well not to the party anyway.

The party is on the Sunday, so on the Friday night I decide that I will surprise her by driving from Leicester down to Mill Hill with a few pressies to surprise her. You know flowers, champagne and some class music that I have now forgotten. She was gobsmacked. She was even more gobsmacked when after a cup of tea I got back in the car and went back to Leicester.

Skipping forwards things progressed quite nicely and we got engaged after twelve weeks. I needed to get a job in London or the south east and at exactly the same time Amma was made redundant. It was strangely both a challenging and yet somehow exciting time. I had endured a number of interviews and had been offered a job by Sketchley the dry cleaners. Just as I was about to take the job Guinness phoned and offered me a job. Now I realise that to most of you a job with Guinness would appear like manna from heaven but I honestly was not a drinker. The training though promised to be intensive and high quality and weighing beer up against dry cleaning was not really fair.

I took the job with Guinness. I remember during the interview being asked if I understood the meaning of the nine by six, five W sales technique. I said “pardon?” Well my sales training to this point had been a little sketchy and I was looking forward to getting into a blue chip company and really get a thorough grooming. If there was a nine by six sales technique I was damn well going to learn it inside out until it was six times nine. Well needless to say I have forgotten most of it now but the nine stood for the nine steps to every single sales call made on a public house.

I think I should point out here that there were two sides to Guinness at this time. The on trade sales, hairy arsed types like me and the off trade group who considered themselves superior. The on trade team took care of all the licensed premises in a particular location. In my case I ran from Paddington in the South to Hatfield in the North. East to Enfield and West to Wembley. Yes lucky me I had serious Guinness drinking areas. Paddington, Kilburn, Cricklewood and Holloway Road. Now as a nice Jewish provincial boy I had no idea about these areas. I wasn’t even certain of the difference between a protestant and a catholic but much more of this at a later time.

So my training was all about how to influence a change within an on trade premises. The nine steps to the call were something like the following. Preparation, approach, outlet check, presentation, proposal, close, pos, departure drill, administration. There was a tenth one. Evaluation, but in honesty there was never enough time to actually do any. The six were the six selling tools, none of which I can remember other than presenter, pen, calculator or some cobblers like that. The five W’s I still use today and it is the way to structure any sales pitch in its most basic form.

What is it? Why are we doing it? What is different about it? What are the details? What are the benefits? I know it is corny but people buy benefits. What is this great new thing going to do for me? How is my life going to improve using this? So my first day is upon me and I need to go to an area meeting in a pub in Southgate. I am given a large box with six hundred outlet cards in it. A presenter with lots of pages missing, a thermometer, some dummy fonts (they look like Guinness taps but are really bottle openers) and the keys to a Peugeot hired from Europcar.

Now the Peugeot led to my one and only time of busting a loyalty scheme wide open. It was the launch of EuroDisney. Well it was the pre launch promotional time and Europcar had a promotion where if you hired a car for one day then you got a WHOLE 50 POINTS. Yes ladies and gentlemen and there were a whole range of prizes. A suitcase was….wait for it……….2000 points. A video was 100 points. I mean who on the planet was ever going to get to two thousand points. Well after six months my Sierra finally arrived and I had to give the Peugeot back. Three suitcases, two matching hold alls, all Delsey and all still in use. Videos galore, Euro Disney cobblers in abundance. Well poor old Europcar did not know what to do. I am not even sure they had ordered any suitcases. They wriggled looking for a way out but I had them hooked as nowhere on their promotional blurb did it exclude company hires. Three months later the cases arrive. The smallest ones in the range. Am I happy? No I am not. So I did something that even now troubles me.

We had our wedding list at one of the well known London stores. This store had a luggage department. It stocked Delsey. It stocked the range without any Euro Disney labels on it. I took the Euro Disney labels off our cases, well the two I was going to exchange for a larger size. I lumped them into store and apologised that these were bought for our wedding but they were the wrong size and could I pay for the upgrade…………and yes I could. Somewhere out there, are two black leather Delsey suitcases that came with no labels. I am sorry.

Next weeks offering will cover the training course and how to do a taste test at 9am in the morning and if you think I haven’t answered what New Improved Recipe has to do with Guinness you are right, but rest assured I will.

So to fat club. It has been a troubling couple of weeks. The festival at Luton was not good for either my poker playing or diet. I struggled and failed and struggled some more. The positives were I managed to irritate Peter Singleton, I qualified for the main event for £100 and enjoyed just playing in it. Was I playing my A game. No somewhere closer to C minus and nice bet Tighty with the 6,3. So aside from the Bash no more live poker until after the diet is finished. Yes I will miss it but that is how it has to be. Early nights are essential to stop late night cravings. It is now clear 11 or 12 weeks in that my battle with white carbohydrate and starch will be ongoing forever.

This is not a problem but a realisation that just needs addressing in the way I structure my life for after the diet. I now have a good book for after the diet as regards working out. The walk is now down to twenty four minutes and twenty four seconds and a week of healthy activity stretches ahead for me and the family.

Hmm the journey to fat club should not have triumphal music as I am starting all over again. Except this time I am starting at eighteen stone five and a half pounds and not twenty two stone four. I am excited again. Second wind maybe. I will finish this project no matter how many hurdles I decide to put in my way. They are my hurdles and I can and will remove them. So in goes Coldplay’s “Fix You” at an unfeasibly loud volume. I am not expecting anything at this weigh in. If I come in at exactly the same as last time then that will be okay. Today I weigh 18 stones and 1pound. I wear an XL polo shirt. My waist is six plus inches smaller. A total of 59 pounds lost is almost immaterial. Ten weeks to the Barmitzvah and I feel good about my chances of hitting somewhere between fourteen and fifteen stone.

The good news is that my sense of humour has been retained during this weight loss process. Why is this important? Well only you can lose your sense of humour. Nobody can take it from you if you decide to keep it………..More beer next week.

[Dewi_cool]

I loved them