More jokes

Kingpoker is stranded on a desert island,with only a sheep and his loyal sheepdog for company.
time passes by and they start goin down to the beach to watch the sunsets before all goin off to bed.
this one night the sky was a beautiful red colour,it was the right night for romance. KP moved closer to the sheep & put his arm around it.
with that the dog started to growl & become protective of the sheep so KP moved away.
Weeks passed & one day a georgeous women also got washed up on the shore's edge. KP was well chuffed to have such a beautiful women now living with them.
They all share in the ritual of watchin the sunset on the beach till one night that same romantic sky happened again.
KP nervously put his arm around the woman, leaned closer and whispered....

"any chance you can take the dog for a walk?"

Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95-year-old grandmother and comfort her. When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, "He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning."
Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that two people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble.
"Oh no, my dear," replied granny. "Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even...nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong."
She paused to wipe away a tear, and continued, "He'd still be alive if the ice cream truck hadn't come along."

A woman decides to have a facelift for her 50th birthday.

She spends $15,000 and feels pretty good about the results.

On her way home, she stops at a newsstand to buy a newspaper.

Before leaving, she says to the clerk, 'I hope you don't mind my asking,
but how old do you think I am?'

'About 32,' is the reply.'

'Nope! I'm exactly 50,' the woman says happily.

A little while later she goes into McDonald's and asks the counter girl
the very same question.

The girl replies, 'I'd guess about 29.'

The woman replies with a big smile, 'Nope, I'm 50.'

Now she's feeling really good about herself. She stops in a drug store
on her way down the street.

She goes up to the counter to get some mints and asks the clerk this
burning question.

The clerk responds, 'Oh, I'd say 30.'

Again she proudly responds, 'I'm 50, but thank you!'

While waiting for the bus to go home, she asks an old man waiting next
to her the same question.

He replies, 'Lady, I'm 78 and my eyesight is going. Although, when I was
young there was a sure-fire way to tell how old a woman was.

It sounds very forward, but it requires you to let me put my hands under
your bra.

Then, and only then can I tell you EXACTLY how old you are.'

They wait in silence on the empty street until her curiosity gets the
best of her.

She finally blurts out, 'What the hell, go ahead.'

He slips both of his hands under her blouse and begins to feel around
very slowly and carefully.

He bounces and weighs each breast and he gently pinches each nipple.

He pushes her breasts together and rubs them against each other.

After a couple of minutes of this, she says, 'Okay, okay....How old am
I?'

He completes one last squeeze of her breasts, removes his hands, and
says, 'Madam, you are 50.'

Stunned and amazed, the woman says, 'That was incredible, how could you
tell?'

The old man says, 'Promise you won't get mad?'

'I promise I won't' she says.

'I was behind you at McDonalds.'