10/10 but slow
Kev's report card from school?
No, my 5th and final year school report was the stuff of legends ... i was out on the school fields it was PE, when this litle scrote comes running across the field and goes straight up to the PE teacher Mr Bartley ... "Sir, the headmaster needs to see Shepherd immediately" ... "SHEPHERD ... HEADMASTERS OFFICE NOW" came the booming response from Bartley. WTF have i done now ? i thought.
Get into Mr Haydocks office and there he is ... the imposing figure of the top man looking at me over the top of his half normal size glasses. "Shepherd do you know what this is" ? (he said while waving an a4 bound file in his hands) , Me being the cheeky shit that i was back then replies "Sir if i had known you were inviting me in for a quiz, I would have done some research" ... that went down well NOT !!
anyway he slams the file down and proceeds with the quiz ... "Do you know how long I have been teaching ?" , I was just about to come out with another smart arsed answer but he stopped me in my tracks and said "dont bother Shepherd ... its 37 years, 37 years of putting up with comedians and bloody kids who think they rule the world ... and in that 37 years I have signed millions of school reports and this ... THIS ... is the worst one I have ever put my name to in all that time. What have you got to say about that ?"
Quick as a flash I reply "Thanks Sir, I am honoured to have achieved such a distinction" ... Bad move ... he lost the plot, "Piss off out of my office and get back to lessons, you are a waste of education and resources" .. I laughed as i left the room at this man who was so aloof and me, little old me, had reduced him to swearing at me ... kind of made it all worthwhile LOL.
Just as i was going out of the door he pipes up "Do you know what Shepherd, you will end up spending your days in a betting shop with all the other bums gambling away your dole money" (yes even back then i was always gambling at school and setting up card schools etc.)
Funny thing was, he was half right .. fast forward 4 years and I was manging a branch of Coral bookmakers in Luton ... and guess who used to come in EVERY SINGLE lunchtime to put 2 10p lucky 15's on ... YEP Mr Haydock !!
I should start a diary
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