Personal bad beat situation

[cia260895]

Well can my life get any worse well yes it can..


18 months ago i lost my brother to cancer, that was after going through a horrible divorce,  i was always in court fighting for the right to see my boys(was actually in court the day before i got remarried to argue that they should be allowed to come to my wedding) or on a trumped up assault charge(found guilty then got the decision overturned on appeal) or dealing with the CSA with tribunals appeals etc,then i had just managed to get over the loss of my brother when i got hit with a virus which has given me (reactive arthritis) that really knocked the stuffing out of me for a year.now I'm on the steroids and all seems to be turning for the better at least I'm not in daily pain.


Then on Friday i received a phone call from my ex as she has to go into hospital on Monday to see a cancer specialist and could i look after the boys on the Monday sure no probs says me.Then i received a call from her saying that she has breast cancer and has to have an op next Monday to remove them, probably followed up with chemo,well that really has knocked me for 6 as the thought of my boys possibly living without their mum is just abhorrent,as much as i utterly detest the women for all she has put me through i know look upon her with sympathy and am now offering her encouragement and support as i am sure things will only get tougher for her along the way,now I'm thinking what happens if she goes?
 
 Do i then take the boys out of their school and replace them where i live now,but what do i do with Thomas (he's autistic)and at 1 of the best schools for autistic children in surrey,or do i move over to where they live to accommodate them from not having to move schools,which in turn would mean me  living separately from the Mrs either way would not be ideal,immediate implications are that i will have the boys more often as she recovers from treatment which has the knock on of reduced income which in itself has its problems.
reading the paper on the way to work this morning an an article said over 12,000 women die each year from breast cancer,which really didn't help my state of mind but them are the facts..
 
am looking for advice but don't know what for
 

[boldie]

Can't offer advise, all I can say is I'm sorry to hear that. Best of luck, stay strong and I'm sure that, if the worst comes to the worst (and the breast cancer survival rate is very high mate..80%'ish so the odds are in her favour), you'll do the right thing for your kids and sort something out.

[Claw75]

sorry I don't have any words of wisdom, but just wanted to say I'm sorry to hear what you are going through, and I hope things work themselves out xxx

[cia260895]

thanks

just had youngest on the phone crying his eyes out saying saying "uncle gary had cancer but he died,I dont want mummy to die"

 god thats tough

[kinboshi]

sorry I don't have any words of wisdom, but just wanted to say I'm sorry to hear what you are going through, and I hope things work themselves out xxx

Not much to add, other than she's in the best possible hands so she has the best possible chance.

Hope it all comes good.

[Dingdell]

Breast cancer actually has a good survival rate now but I can understand you focusing on the negative side of things. There is financial help possibly available for those suffering financially from cancer, it may not be much but all the hospital parking costs etc all add up so i recommend you investigate it if you need to. I think the Macmillan site might have information.

On the personal side try not to look to far into the future but deal with matters on a day to day basis otherwise the enormity of what might happen can be just too overwhelming for you to deal with the everyday stuff you need to. Do get your 'home team' sorted though - talking to friends and family who can help out on the practical side such as picking up kids etc is good to get sorted now just in case. They are your invaluable resource who will help make this experience/situation as easy as it can be.

And remember that the Blonde family is here to help too.....if only with a listening ear. xx
 

[Nakor]

Cia, can only echo dings post.

The recovery rate is really very good - information for the win

http://www.macmillan.org.uk/About_Us/Our_organisation/Information_for_everyone.aspx

Personal advice would be if the kids are old enough is not to keep anything from them, be honest and give the chance to digest all the information you receive.  As usual they will amaze you how resilient they can be.

It will be a long hard fight, but one that is ultimately winable, keep your chin up mate.

[Graham C]

Best wishes Cia.  Spot on advice, seek the information as it will help.

[Compo]

Best wishes Ian. Thoughts are with you and your family.

Dave

[HOLDorFOLD]

Hi Ian, so sorry to hear what's happening. Thoughts are with you and your family.  xx

[Snatiramas]

Breast cancer actually has a good survival rate now but I can understand you focusing on the negative side of things. There is financial help possibly available for those suffering financially from cancer, it may not be much but all the hospital parking costs etc all add up so i recommend you investigate it if you need to. I think the Macmillan site might have information.

On the personal side try not to look to far into the future but deal with matters on a day to day basis otherwise the enormity of what might happen can be just too overwhelming for you to deal with the everyday stuff you need to. Do get your 'home team' sorted though - talking to friends and family who can help out on the practical side such as picking up kids etc is good to get sorted now just in case. They are your invaluable resource who will help make this experience/situation as easy as it can be.

And remember that the Blonde family is here to help too.....if only with a listening ear. xx
 

+1

[jizzemm]

Hi Ian, so sorry to hear what's happening. Thoughts are with you and your family.  xx

+1

[Colchester Kev]

I hate these kind of posts on blonde, not because i dont think they should be posted, or because i dont care ... they just make me feel uncomfortable because i never know what to say ... and then when i dont post, i feel guilty because i dont want the OP to think i dont give a shit.

I do read every post on blonde ... (apart from and Indy self promotion threads) .. but please dont think that because i dont post i dont care.


I hope that makes some sort of sense.

[cia260895]

No worries Kev your not alone there m8

and thx to all for yr words of advice cheers
 

Boys are all good with it at the mo so makes life easier

sometimes even under extremes their resilience shines through...

[ripple11]

Hi Ian, so sorry to hear what's happening. Thoughts are with you and your family.  xx

+1