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TightEnd
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« on: November 17, 2005, 08:50:48 AM » |
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Tikay smiled at his hole cards, .
He thought "Oh! Aces!!".
"All-In!!" he announced.
"I Call" said the big blind.
"Oh sh*t" said Tikay when he saw the pig's ear he'd made of the tournament again. He remembered how lucky it is that Kev likes pies made from sheep's innards and marmite.
Surreptitiously he used big words to convey how much he likes to makes ladies wriggle when he unzips his camera and shoots his cat with a shotgun loaded with shotgun pellets.
The end of the world is getting closer but it won't end until the jocks win with Aces, Trumper calling from behind as usual and putting his stack all in with no outs.
However a volcano was about to erupt 5000 miles off of Western Australia. This made the chance of winning much more dioable because poker is not for seismologists with blurred vision, and no sense of direction. They found Red Dog, eating pies with some chunky bits of Yak hair and lice. He loved lice, egg fried with worms.
Snoopy gasped for air but forgot that he'd left his common sense in Colchester Kev's pants.
"Big mistake!" thought Snoopy "I will have to wash my mouth out with soap" before announcing :
"I'm sorry that I'm such a four king Queen!"
Suddenly Tight End flounced around the room wearing nothing but Ali's finest home made bright pink wonder bra and matching pink panties, which looked crotch-less. They actually made his buttocks look smaller than an elephants.
Suddenly the doorbell rang, kev answered.
"Hello sexy" said Tight End, "fancy a bit of slap and chips with mayonnaise?"
Ironside "no thanks" cantankerously, irritated because he was jealous of Scotsmen. " " he thought
Kev said "pie and chips with extra pie (Fray Bentos) with more magnetic fields to attract knives and more pies in tins secreted down Karabiners trousers which accidentally got lodged in his turn-ups.
"Turnips?!!!!" shouted Red Dog lustfully drooling slightly and remembering Vicky's potential to win from behind having flopped top pair against tikay's bottom set of teeth.
Tikay groaned and admitted he had forged his passport and his ages because he was really a ladyboy called Sharlene with designs of pink Tight End's panties, size 32.
"Very pretty" said Flushy "I must remember to buy some for Ginger. I wonder if she would want a zebra for Christmas instead of the rabbit with batteries and lights up her junction?"
Duracell last longer unlike Flushy the kangaroo with his funny walk and tiny pocket pair suspended from his ears. Unusual that! Only seen in XXX movies, which contain scenes tikay wishes he'd starred in, wide screen. Nemesis wondered if it would ever rise again after the accident involving a lasagne and crispy duck.
Psychologically representing the semi bluff I prayed for forgiveness buy Lo! Hi Lo!, dealers choice, gamblers love a nice banana split with extra bacon bits and cherries washed down with a gallon of castor oil, followed by three tonne lashings of fortified wine with a suggestion of....
"Help Me!" flailing wildly devil dog calmly wiped his backside with a Mr Muscle oven cleaner, which tickled his googly bits and blistered his tongue. "Ouchy" said Poonsy, remembering that he'd done that twice before with jif mixed witha pancake.
"Aaaayyyyaaaarrrr" he exclaimed. Later he skin exfoliated, smooth as a badger's and foxes smooth bits that had been sanded with an apricot sponge.
"Mmmmm apricot! said chavkester Kev shoving the apricot pies down his lilac pants borrowed from elblondie. Wife Mrs C squuezing his pendulous orbs was excrutiatingly painful as his right ear had become aroused because he was confused about his sexuality, with non-sequiturs.
Whipped cream had a large place in Kev's bedside cabinet for his athlete's foot which was resembling herpes. Boils were oozing rapidly, the smell of onions was pleasant, yet overpowering.
"Mmmmm cheeseburger" exclaimed Heid.
"Nice Baps"
"Whose? Mine" said Ali pulling up her knickers cheesily.
"Awesome"
"Mmmmmm cheese, very fishy, that merkin needs washing"
" It's bespoke. Bicycles are not welcome throughout Honduras, no grifters"
Chairman Mao, number 42, with noodles, extra msg. "Pablo Picasso loved it" she cried.
"Ironside I want to play with you photo whilst drooling over your lovely stack whilst licking your Dickensian first edition"
"Such a sweet aroma of WD40 mixed with beetle juice and creamy cheesey peas"
"Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm Cheeeeeeeeeeeese" squeaked the little rabbit, burrowing hurriedly beneath the changing rooms of the ladies boules club.
OOOO Posh and Becks were wearing less than Heid and seek, recently since the downsizing operation shrunk their best assets to only currant buns.
"Oh my darling clementine. I lost my virginity a long long looooonnnnggg long time ago in a galaxy far far chocolately than a ripple with extra ripples in"
"Funnily enough, ha ha" laughed dikay.
"Who's dikay?" the boss of blondepoker.com with Mr Burns, aged only 83 last week but still spritely compared to a snail on heat.
Discombobulated, disappointingly long words for such an imbecile.
"LOL LOL Lollipops anyone for tennis?"
"New balls please" said Kojak sucking oudly on purpose. Immediately after he spontaneously combusted wearing lycra two sizes bigger than Martina Navratilovas' strap on New Balls!
Purple rain fell from marshmallow skies.
"Marshmallow, mmmmmmmmmmmmmm" squidgy, cloying within her generous disposition, shamelessly spoiled her incorrigible
"Er. er, what's incorrigible?" said the show pony, pawing nervously. Unique horse with paws not hooves.
"Jumping Jehosiphat, what was pretending to prepare crepes with extra thick soles"
"Are soles are sore so apply anusol liberally with your best china teapot, spout first"
KY Jelly discolours rims ki korsakov and hurts my aching breaking heart.
Tight End snoozed and dreamed of tarts with their clothes off and legs akimbo just like when tikay was photographed glamour style for playgirl for £10k, only if he romoved his jacket and no shorts or hairpiece, and strictly no white trainers, just espadrilles.
"I didn't have any poker talent" he exclaimed suspecting unusual fetishistic positioning causing premature er aging and that's four not two words numbnuts.
"Language Timothy"
"Ding, Round two!" Heid sat demurely, as if she were double jointed, yogic flying around the world in Blonde forum threaded parachutes, huge ones.
Unseen to human eye The Nun took off
"Knock Knock"
"Who's there?"
"Freddie Mercury"
"I want it all" said Heid,greedily looking, desperation evident
"Ding, Round three"
Tight as anything goes here.
"Strange habit, fork collecting" said tikay, just as his suspenders twanged loudly against the head of Grosvenor Security, a big Boba fett Star Wars! Darth Vader the force was strong in my pants! but not for long.
It must have come prematurely again, a messy business probably, knowing that his tissues had been used previously by a brown yak with HUGE purple and hairy upper molars, with gold front teeth!
The Baron and Shirley (don’t call me Baron Bassey) had pocket cowboys lassoing her volupturous bazookas, bouncing uncontrollably toward terminal four, heathrow Airport, Junction six, M4.
TightEnd Waddled, Ali wobbled “cheeky f***er”. Switzerland intervened, France scarpered, Turkey sneezed “bless you my son”. Bird flu over the cookoos nest – misspelt, sadly tut tut - ho hum.
Anyone fancy a shag. Jackpot!! Thought David Blunkett. His dog, sick of playing gooseberry, nefariously when he began teasing his secretaries dictation machine with a large bonio, she lusted and lisped “Wed Dog”, “Wexy Wed”, “Welease me”, “wet my wo-“.
Suddenly, lightening struck Tikays’ blonde roots causing calcification which required hospitalization, after chalk dust was liberally found up his sleeves. “well that’s snooker” said Mary Whitehouse, lustily gloating over Adam’s very long cue.
Later that night, whilst dark, Adam M grasped his extremely large and wooden arguments and explained that 30% wasn’t that cheap for a t-shirt printer.
I’ll give you nits on your not scabies with a karate chop, wax on, wax off.
Flocinocinihilipilification is misspelt, check. 16, not bad!!.
Floccinaucinihilipilification is misspelt worse. Lmao that’s hilarious. Fork it! 16 more?
I’m sulking! antidisestablishmentarianism? Perfection! Bah humbug, inferior intellect said the cheeky git to numbnuts beep beep! Ding, round four, Heid! yodelled mountainously, pigtails flapping. Ginger interrupted repeatedly, downstairs “where’s my loo seat?! Toyboy Fish? Reply required ( ). James sniveled and threw his toys at Adam. “Have them” said Adam. “I like dolls houses and Barbie, my little pony is Flushie’s really on Ginger”.
“oh my! That’s huge” when magnified with an electron microscope used to hover over Tikays cards. “ACES!!”, cheared Tikay, but had he had his glasses on he’d have seen the valet suddenly going berserk seeing Tikays battery powered sausage protruding from his left nostril.
Heid laughed secretly because TightEnd told whopping great porky pies about a strip club in notts where smoking crack’s the norm, for off-duty judges and members of the local constabulary, who like Tikays impression of a pole dancer on acid.
“Hello sailors” shouted Ali – stranded on a pole vaulters laptop. What the flipping heck is that inis hand. A tentpeg with big hairy blonde arm pitts which hung like a pair of donkeys under an ass’s.
Suddenly, Tikay declared undying love without moving his grandfather clock from his nylon y-fronts for a good airing for fumigation coz his big hand was sprained from excessive mass debating, quite publically. Everyone laughed and pointed roof joints said Scoobydoo to shaggy-doo, idly licking SOFFIT FASTENINGS – don’t shout – PARDON ALI?
I’m lost in time, lost in space. Unsurprisingly. Oh Rocky! Complete gibberish, spoke TightEnd, like Kevin and Heid and Robert! Especially Kev, he’s handsome and deluded and hung like a haermaphrodite caterpillar, alias.. DONKEY. Slow, ponderous but gifted with pies and chips with gravy.
I hate Old Kings Coles jumper, the braces, the timekeeping is appauling his joker is small and slow to raise from 1st position with scrabble pieces and little French letters. Yes, no, ribbed ones for her continued pleasure to tickle the nuts of a geriatric baboon when aroused, because he is worth 10 mars bars, 12 surely? “Greedy monkey!” he shouted while playing with his one eyed soldier, called tiny tim. A fearsome one, within his arsenal of three crap players.
Useless toads, their names have been changed to protect their true fishyness but here goes… Ariston, Flushy and TightEnd are fisher than scampi after two fish pies with extra fish fingers with added tomato sauce flavoured sardines without bones but with prawn cocktail crisps, yummy yummy yummy. I’ve got chicken tonight! With plump juicy breasts covered with a white stripe.
Elephants wedding tackle hurts painfully but not with lubricant spread generously.
Ironside laughed “How much is lubricant?”
“You’d Know” said Jumbo “remember that huge trunk I inserted with gusto”
“Repetition? Repetition?” Said Robert HM
“I object”.
“Overruled, fish” Screamed the plankton, terrified as the sharks circled their pamphlets about TightEnds underwear fetish. His commando physique glistened like mud and lacked something spectacular. Tiny tadpole as he dived into the gloomy world of diversity and chocolate biscuits dunked in stale Bovril. “Errrrr, yuk!” said dewi after he threw up all over Tikays cats pyjamas.
Nobody else had a clue where the nun went last night, here habit was feeding baby velociraptors’ big macs.
This thread is very, very substantial and a little bit ishhhh. “Suited surely?” Don’t call me a taxi now my skateboard pads are upside down on my buttocks, “hard luck” tikay lawyers said “youre going back home!”. “Hopefully now you’ll realise you cant smuggle Andrex up your two nostrils out of Kwik Save, because eddie g”, eddie who? “eddie g plays always utg while drinking purple meths, which helps his bowel move along like a great big whoopee cushion.”
Chapter 2 – Russian Adventures of Tikay w/ a midget called Mr dik small, visiting every second Wednesday, madam Whiplash.
<just as an interlude, I know Ms Whiplash>
So does tony Kendal on a pogo stick
(Interlude, I met Mdm Whiplash one day...still bear the scars....).
Pumping away like a possessed gerbil on heat. “Hubba hubba!” said Ariston
“Free book?” interupted UK immigration officials
Smuggling books entitled “How to chop and change the USSR Law system” for Tikay and the other muppets. Political nightmare.
And flushy ruins it all on post 1000…. Nasty Flushy!! Said dik9, exclamation mark, whats this? aka “nuts”. He thinks “ALL IN!”
She asked just flushing the illegal chemicals out of the bloodstream of her colonic metasystem. All radioactive matter glows orange through the night. The poker player glows magenta after eating sweedish meatballs with chillies and mmmmjalapenos!
Before Tikay wiped his dirty great zimmer frame clean of Russian lubricant and an overripe banana, amongst other implements of similar consistency.
Karabiner sighed, 72 again, fold? Raise?. No, Raise!. You sure?!?!?!?!??! Yes, I’m sure as bears shite in the card room. He raised, one eyebrow lash fell daintily into Spoonys tiny airhy godans.
The end was near. No chance, this will end up breaking records and wind up being forced into best of Blonde.
Ifm stroppily marched spread betting on all manner of nefarious activities.
She said, while sucking an ornamental garden gnome belonging to Ariston & TraceT. They call it a BIG MISTAKE! By Heid.
Noooooooo KIV! Said Mr Fray Bentos whilst stirring his batter and loins with pigs flying past shouting “eat more pies you skinny handsome virile young stud”. Playing fish like bagpipes spouting water up Heids <expletive deleted> mmm refreshing! *WHOOOOOOSH SPURT* female ejaculation.
Tikay collapsed having never seen the female species bark, like a rabid wolverine. Horny for marshmallows and melted and ice-cream mans flake making machine.
Ping pong. “It’s moist” said MPower, while drinking golden liquid as hippos drove his grandmother wild with electric light orchestras triple platinum catalytic converters nicked from Austin Maestros once owned by Angie. “Not likely”.
“Hillman Imps?” “with fries?” Hate fries
Amsterdam hummed of fish, red lights and crack was everywhere like Tikay shipping dollars in exchange for boys, easily rented apartments are flat chested. Tight buttocks clearly drunk at the memory of USSR customs and hippos, pensioner obsessed, with the loaded weapon, laced brownies from Amsterdam.
Feeling chuffed out by smoking chillums looking at pictures of bare bottomed male rhinos.
The following was scrawled on his pink velour lacy thong,displaying diamonte encrusted condoms “ohh kinky!”
Trace shouted. Shouted? SCREAMED! “COME HEREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE and book me a full body makeover to get Tikay back on.”
He’s away! Getting fashion advice from Stevie Wonder, just called ALL IN with a large pair. “impossible” said The_nun who likes her big slick every morning with her large espresso and fried Mars bars dunked in prune juice.
The flop was floppy, probably due to playing flopsy cards whist, tickling Osvaldo Ardiles left < edit> foot
(what a great player, Spurs legend)
crap in Champ man 2001 tho
“BOOOOOOOOOO Spoilers” said Trace.
I prefer to eat meat balls and fried sweatbreads with sweetbreads too….
Ricky Villa
“I’m lost!” satellite navigation
Ricky Villa = Spurs Legend
Honda reliable, civic type-R with an upgraded Turbo Texas hold-em $1 ten seater with rolling pins, beating all sorts of muppet from Kermit.
What is love anyway? Ahh, Howard! Poison Arrow? My heart! Earth Moving? Heart Stopping! Planet Earth? Tikay what ?
Cheese fondling, curds wahey, “all demented” he said lovingly groping Miss Piggy from behind whilst fondling bacon bits! Pork Scratchings?
Some crackling under the watchful eye of pimp George IV, sent them up the dark alley without a ribbed condom, but instead he licked Osvaldo Ardiles knees which aren’t as hairy as Heids. But Kevs hairy bits are as hairy as a hairy bottom of an orangutan.
Panda cola = battery acid flavoured juice. I prefer Ariston’s large capacity volume toilet bowl which he always breaks everytime he fires blanks at speeds of milkcarts on amphetamine, dreaming of a hand around his pocket pair of dangling Pat Evans oversized earings.
"Pat, Pat, what have you done?”
“I’ve slept with Roly…. Well ‘ard in the Queen Vic coal bunker”.
It beats listening to Frank Butcher “runaround” on radio 4’s cockney accent elephant ears syntax errors. “Ello Tweacle” tarts are mostly nice, especially when moist and mouth wateringly meaty.
Brilliant Scottish footballers just like Kenny Miller won lots.
Fat ladies eating pies, sweated like ColchesterKev in a playground.
Snoopy forgot his pie but borrowed a pie to pie, whatever that pleased him, ky jelly in your toilet bowl, you can wash your underpants.
Happy birthday teacake, hope you enjoy being an old man like Tikay
Tikay wondered why we always looking for an escape from Alcatraz where he can feel the tension between inmates and soap dropping is not sensible to say the least.
Tikay’s cell, in sunny Alcatraz, was where he stumbled across strange tendencies and bizarre nocturnal tendencies, psychic abilities he used to se J4 off and dewi’s tiny little welsh terrier, called All-in from behind, even though his position was weak w/ precariously balanced on the top of wsop’s bankroll.
“Loose change!” he shouts, pulling out his banana with a small hand and flops the nuts and smiles
“damn, I’m still erect with my nostrils flaring, after looking forward to the turn in flagrant” and his favourite blondeite in position is blondeite Karabiner.
Extraordinarily he sat gymnastically talented JustJo on his laptops webcam “heaven” he shouted as she spanked his leathery bottom straight. Just how two pairs never beats three pairs
I don’t give a flying fish because I believe I can fly, I believe I can touch the sky, I think about it every night and day, spread my wings and fly away, I believe I can soar, I see me running through that open door, I believe I can fly, I believe I can fly. OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH, I believe I can fly….
Another one
Which song?
Rolf Harris
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL
Stop laughing
Waltzing Matilda, said Tikay in 1879. During the war, Tikay played poker w/ causing a rookie straight. Gasps everywhere when Tikay announced that the sky was grey with the dark clouds looming ominously, ready to piss down his trousers.
Tikay smiled at TraceT “I love RED DOG, he is so so macho and big and…….”
The end? Pleeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaassssssseeeeeeee
“NO WAY Jose” She squeeled excitedly.
OK - all finished and up to date - it's true, I have NO life Ali
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