Am I autistic?

[thetank]

Only just read this thread, have to say that I have really enjoyed your posts Mr. Fugly Baz.

[Jon MW]

... prone to exhibit other associated traits like not being able to empathise with people.

The thing is, I just don't think that's a medical condition. 'Being a bit obsessed with small stuff' is as little a medical condition as 'getting a bit sad sometimes' ... just a way to get people to pay money for pills.

Have you ever read Prozac Nation by Elizabeth Wurtzel?

It gives quite a good insight into the problems of, 'getting a bit sad sometimes', but it also covers a bit about just getting people to pay money for pills (not just to make money - it can also be a bit of a quick fix)

[cia260895]

right i have had the test lovely young woman 23ish quite fit and she paid me £5 for my time what a result,

There were all different types of test all visual,basically I had to put the right shape into the right box sort of which 1 goes next in a series of shapes/patterns i think i managed most of those ok
,then it was to indentify letters that were disguised in a grid that changed very quickly, i was ok on small letters but the big 1's in the grid i didnt get any of those just didnt see them??I had to hit the numbers on the keyboard of the laptop as quickly as i could
then i had to hit  a key if a letter only had straight lines and a different key if it had a curve in it i:e WFTHN etc all have straight lines SDCG etc have curves on them (am sure they were all capitals)
then it was which shape  did i see last,   a cross or triangle and hit the relevant key

my eyes were well blurry for  a min afterwards as well

After that she measured my head circumference 60cm

And that was it,i asked if i could get the results but they wont be available until the study is complete prob about 12/18 months time

But basically the study is to find out if there is a link or not, as there has never been a study of this apparently.

So am I autistic dunno, I certainly think i have some traits but then i'm sure most people could find some traits in themselves as well.

fuglybaz ill get back to you later with my questions m8 nothing too heavy.

,but seriously great reading yr views m8 keep em coming  

[suzanne]

Really appreciating your posts Fugly, as a parent of 2 autistic kids I worry all the time how they will cope when they are adults and I have been carted off this mortal earth.

Do you mind if I ask how old you are and if you still live with your parents? If not what parts of day to day living do you find the most difficult to cope with?

At what age were you diagnosed (or werent you) and how did you feel when it was explained to you that you are "special". I ask because I am being pushed into explaining to my kids that they are different and although I think it might help my son I think my daughter will be very upset, she thought she was "normal" until she started her new school last month which is full of "geeks and freaks" as she put it but she has settled in nicely. I am leaving it to the experts where she is concerned.

I worry more for my son who is in mainstream school. He finds it very hard to cope with the noise mostly and making friends. He gets extremely upset when he gets beat at any games online and HAS to be the best at anything he does, a bit like yourself maybe?

I have loads of questions I want to ask.

[cia260895]

 Fuglybaz, if you don't feel comfortable answering these then no worries,my reasons for asking are that my son is borderline A.S and is going through it at school at the moment.

 How did you cope with the bullying at school?
 How long did it go on for?
What do you think caused it?
Was there any complications apart from the bullying you incurred whilst you were at school i;e not paying attention and missing info especially if homework was given out.
How was you at sport?
What changes would you make looking back on your educational years
What advice would you give to someone with A.S to get through the school years?
Do you have  a large circle of friends?
Do you feel uncomfortable looking into peoples eyes when yr talking to them?
When did you have your 1st proper relationship with a girl?
Would you say you would be more comfortable in  a relationship with a girl with A.S

[FuglyBaz]

Really appreciating your posts Fugly, as a parent of 2 autistic kids I worry all the time how they will cope when they are adults and I have been carted off this mortal earth.

Do you mind if I ask how old you are and if you still live with your parents? If not what parts of day to day living do you find the most difficult to cope with?

At what age were you diagnosed (or werent you) and how did you feel when it was explained to you that you are "special". I ask because I am being pushed into explaining to my kids that they are different and although I think it might help my son I think my daughter will be very upset, she thought she was "normal" until she started her new school last month which is full of "geeks and freaks" as she put it but she has settled in nicely. I am leaving it to the experts where she is concerned.

I worry more for my son who is in mainstream school. He finds it very hard to cope with the noise mostly and making friends. He gets extremely upset when he gets beat at any games online and HAS to be the best at anything he does, a bit like yourself maybe?

I have loads of questions I want to ask.

Hi Suzanne, I'm 23 and still live with my parents. It's cheaper that way, and the only place of my own i can get is a council flat in a block full of smackheads. I'm happier with the company of my family for now (even if I am sat in my bedroom all the time like now)

There are still aspects of day to day living even at home that are difficult. I find travel difficult. Its not too bad if trains are on time and not too cramped, but I hate cramped spaces, and lateness. I'm not as bad as I used to be but I still get slightly agitated, but say to myself being agitated cannot get the train here faster. But before that, I would panic and everything. If you have ever heard a song called Cardiac Arrest by Madness, that was probably me three years ago. Now, I would be the same guy, but Id've taken the docs advice

I was diagnosed at the age of 5. Now it was real complicated what happened so Ill try to keep it simple as i can. I was a very happy baby, my mom and dad said I never once cried in my first two years. Always giggling and playful. Same when i got to the age of three, but I still hadn't spoken my first word yet. They took me to the doctors as they thought I may be deaf. My first memory I ever have from that age, was going to a specialised hearing xclinic, where they put these massive headphones on me, with a machine which produced a buzzing noise that was constant. While that was switched on, they had different shaped items which they banged on a metal tray to test that i could hear them. It was confirmed I wasnt deaf. Eventually I spoke my first words, however I couldnt pronounce anything correctly. Another barrage of tests ensued and I was told quite simply I had a speech impediment. Then some research was done and later it was confirmed to my parents that I had a condition known as Semantic Pragmatic Disorder. Very similar to Aspergers, but some subtle differences.

The worst part about all of this, my parents left me to go to school, be statemented so i could get help from Special needs and I never knew why because they wouldnt tell me! I was given extra time to cplete exams, and never knew anything as to why either. I only found out last year about all of this, and this was when i was sacked from my job. I went to a psychologist and explained everything after i'd looked into Semantics and Aspergers, and he said I do actually aspergers not SPD. Aspergers was unknown of back in 1989 and I fitted closest to SPD. In fact, when you are that age it is hard to tell any difference anyway.

I felt kind of relieved when i finally knew. What made want to find out, was because I had problems with my girlfriend (now my ex thank god). She screwed me up so bad mentally that I ended having three months off work for stress and depression. When i finally returned to work, everything in the office had changed - the working practise, what I had to say to customers, more log sheets to fill in, sales targets put on our heads and everything. And I got really really angry by this and i couldnt work out why. Every night after work I used to cry to myself thinking how on earth can i be like this and why. Im not being like this to be forceful or nasty, I just cant cope. I then told the parents, and said I was going to get help. thats when they hit me with it! I was put on disciplinary at work for my illness because I was on and off as I couldnt cope with the work. As soon as i was told I had AS, I told work that the problem is my distress at change, and if they give me enough time then I can get help to get through it. They chose the easy option and went through disciplinary stages as fast as they could!

I felt betrayed, and wished I'd known when I was a hell of a lot younger that I was different. School was so tough it was untrue. I started off at a special school called Glenmead, which had a Speech Therapy unit where I was at for two years. Everybody else had either behaviour problems, downs syndrome or other difficulties, with our common link being speech problems. After two years i was pretty much cured and asked to leave as my work was done. I joined year 2 with three weeks left to end of school year. Went into class and i still remember my first ever maths test, because I completed it 15 minutes faster than anybody else and got all the answers right with it. And the looks I got from everyone were not pleasant. I was never asked to play football with any of the other kids, when I did ask to play I never got a touch of the ball, I didnt speak to anybody. Primary school was much of the same thing, I was one of the brightest pupils but had no friends because nobody wanted to know me. There were a group of books produced by a company called GINN, levellled from 1-16. I remember in year 6, everybody was reading level 8 books, while I was reading level 13 and level 14. Sometimes i wished I was just one of them, I felt so isolated. I had a couple of friends, but they were the ones with above average intelligence.

The noise in school was always a problem for me too. I dont mind 'common' noise, but its when an unusual sound is very loud it is very distressful. I hate it when people shout, and even things like an untuned guitar can be very unpleasant to my ears, to an extent of being almost painful.

I dont have kids and never want any because I struggle looking after myself that i couldnt raise a kid, plus there is the issue of no woman wanting to know me but thats another issue best reserved for plastic surgeons people who can do personality transplants.  So I cant really advise on your son goig to mainstream school. All I can say is that despite all my problems, I am glad I went to a mainstream school because at least I was around 'normal' people. If I was at a a special school until age of 16 then I would not be what i am now. I certainly would get the same results, but I wouldnt have an understanding of the dos and donts in society. Going from special school to normal school at the age of 7 was tough, because normal kidsare so different. You have to communicate with them in different ways to 'normal' people and I hadnt learned how to change at that time. So can you imagine if I had to do the change at 16 rather than 7?? My life would be a nightmare.

ive touched on making friends already, but what i will say is thank god for the internet. It gives me a chance to develop friendships I never could before, and I can virtually do what I want online that i could in the real world. Some of the friends I have in person started off as online friendships...this wouldnt happen without the internet. As for losing and winning, I always want to win at any cost (except cheating/bad gamesmanship). If I lose, I dont mind losing to better players as long as I didnt make any unforced mistakes. But if I make mistakes or play below my best, that is where the problems start for me. I remember an instance on the Pro darts circuit, where I'd beaten somebody 4-0 in first round, and was so pissed off at myself for playing like a mug, that I had forgotten I'd won. I'm a perfectionist, and while I know nobody can be 100%, I want to be as close to that as I possibly can be.

Sorry for the waffle lol, any more questions please fire them to me, I dont mind

[kinboshi]

Great posts FB - I'm know I'm not the only one who enjoys reading them.

[AndrewT]

That was a very enlightening post Fugly - it's always interesting to learn about other people's backgrounds on here.

This bit brought back memories for me.

They took me to the doctors as they thought I may be deaf. My first memory I ever have from that age, was going to a specialised hearing xclinic, where they put these massive headphones on me, with a machine which produced a buzzing noise that was constant. While that was switched on, they had different shaped items which they banged on a metal tray to test that i could hear them. It was confirmed I wasnt deaf.

Exactly the same thing happened when I was young - my mum thought there must be something wrong with my hearing because I didn't respond fully to what people said so I had the hearing test at the doctor's.

The noise in school was always a problem for me too. I dont mind 'common' noise, but its when an unusual sound is very loud it is very distressful. I hate it when people shout, and even things like an untuned guitar can be very unpleasant to my ears, to an extent of being almost painful.

The noise that gets to me is the type you get in busy pubs with a hundred conversations going on at once. In a big room, with bare walls, this sound bounces all around the room and makes it very difficult for me to concentrate on what one person is saying. Therefore I have a tendency to 'zone out' in such situations, which means I can get very quiet in big social groups - I'm generally the quietest person in any conversation of more than two people.

ive touched on making friends already, but what i will say is thank god for the internet. It gives me a chance to develop friendships I never could before, and I can virtually do what I want online that i could in the real world. Some of the friends I have in person started off as online friendships...this wouldnt happen without the internet.

I have noticed on another forum that I read that it does have a high proportion of people with AS, or who exhibit that type of personality, and the internet has been a godsend for them, enabling them to get to know people without the drawbacks of a live social situation. When they do actually meet up, it's a lot easier for them as the ice has already been broken online.

[FuglyBaz]

Fuglybaz, if you don't feel comfortable answering these then no worries,my reasons for asking are that my son is borderline A.S and is going through it at school at the moment.

No probs at all

How did you cope with the bullying at school?

Truth is I coped very badly. I would never fight back, or bite. I would just burst into tears, which obviously made them do it more and more.

How long did it go on for?

It went on from when I started normal school at age of 7, until I finally left school at 17 (I left while doing A levels because of the bullying). It stopped when I changed schools half way through my first year of A levels, because nobody knew me so I was alright. However some of the kids from my old school went to my new schools 6th form, and the problems started again. Chavs, I fricking hate them!

What do you think caused it?

Jealousy, easy target, too honest etc. Jealousy because I was much cleverer than them (though theyd hate to admit they were jealous), I was an easy target because of the fact I wear glasses and was no good at sports. Plus being very quiet and not willing to fight back etc.

Was there any complications apart from the bullying you incurred whilst you were at school i;e not paying attention and missing info especially if homework was given out.

There were a few complications. I lost motivation to do any work. Through year 10 I thought to myself, Im gonna doss around and not do any work and I might get some respect off the bullies. That is how low I felt! Stopped doing homework and everything. The teachers knew something was wrong, and finally in year 11 it was sorted, but they feared it was too late for me to get good grades. I put paid to that eventually getting near 95% in most exams to make up for no coursework! Lucky escape really.

I ended up walking home from school some nights which was hard as it was a 90 minute walk, because I couldnt endure the school bus bullying. Had all sorts done to me, hair sprayed then almost set alight. One time I was walking down stairs to get off bus, and someone grabbed my bag from above me dangling me in the air, then dropping me! Been spat on, had coins thrown at me, milkshake and drinks spilled on me, rulers on back of the head, let alone the constant name calling. Getting a normal bus was just as bad, and the teachers didnt want to do nothing about it!

How was you at sport?

I was riubbish at football, but eventually learned if I wanted the ball I had to tackle. I did get in the A squad but never got a game. I think they did it to shut me up, but i was hurt when I asked the teacher when I'd play . He said to me "when we are 6-0 up, then you can play". That killed me inside. I was alright at basketball, but was told I was too short and that i would just be knocked about. So I was never really a sport player, more games like Snooker and Pool which I was very good at.

What changes would you make looking back on your educational years

I wish I'd taken my dads advice and just put a block of wood to one of the tossers heads then all this would have stopped.

Seriously, I dont know what i could change. Maybe year 10 continuing to work hard like i did before that, but I dont know how I could change my mindset to carry on. The teachers were fed up of me complaining about bullying, and I couldnt carry on. All the other schools were just as bad so there was no point switching.

What advice would you give to someone with A.S to get through the school years?

It feels rich me giving advice about how to handle school. All I would try to do is maybe try and just get involved in what you can sport wise. Just try and kick the ball about at breaktimes to try and fit in. And dont get upset like I did if you dont get involved. Basically try as hard as you can to hide any emotions you feel. That is very hard to do and I couldnt do it. And ALWAYS TELL THE TEACHERS if there is a problem! Dont resort to violence, but Im sure youll tell your son that anyway

Do you have a large circle of friends?

I dont really at all. I have two proper friends I had from my time playing darts, one of them is a World Champion, although I aint spoke to him for a while. (I wont namedrop). I have some friends Ive made through chess, but other than that i really dont speak to anybody. All the guys from my music days still havent grown up, and I dont wish to associate with people who act like babies when they are 23. I refuse to be dragged down by them and their playground antics.

Do you feel uncomfortable looking into peoples eyes when yr talking to them?

Yep, very much so. This is one of the worst things for me as a person. It is borderline painful sometimes to look at people in the eye, I just cannot do it. I cant explain why. When i go to interviews and stuff, my solution is to look at the persons forehead who I am speaking to. At least this way you are looking towards them. Maybe that could be good advice for your son if hes struggling with looking at people, look at their foreheads, much the same way as you would look at a clock if you were nervous during a presentation.

The only people I never feel uncomfortable looking at in the eyes are the girls that I have been out with. Because they are the only people I have felt I can trust 100% and I obviously want to look at them

When did you have your 1st proper relationship with a girl?

My first relationship was when i was 17. But my first one which lasted more than a month due to them being cheating slags was when I was 18. Funny enough it was my 18th birthday when I met a girl called Sam, who was to be the love of my life for the next 3 years, until I split up with her the day before my 21st birthday. She was a lying bitch who went on GMTV saying how she was over certain issues, then would go back to the same old things afer appearing on the show. She tormented me mentally, and I couldnt break away from it, until the day i had enough the day before my 21st. Havent had a girlfriend since, havent even had contact with a girl despite all my effort. I just cannot be bothered to try no more, I want a smart girl, no dout Ill be waiting a long time.

Would you say you would be more comfortable in  a relationship with a girl with A.S

As Ive said before, Aspergers is a gift not a disability. Yes we have impairments but we also can be far more talented than other people, so I wouldnt look at the girl as one with AS. I would see her for her. There would be certain things that would make a relationship better, and some things worse. We would understand each other better and our passions would be supported by one another. Ive never met a girl with any form of autism without knowing it, so I couldnt really say.

[FuglyBaz]

The noise in school was always a problem for me too. I dont mind 'common' noise, but its when an unusual sound is very loud it is very distressful. I hate it when people shout, and even things like an untuned guitar can be very unpleasant to my ears, to an extent of being almost painful.

The noise that gets to me is the type you get in busy pubs with a hundred conversations going on at once. In a big room, with bare walls, this sound bounces all around the room and makes it very difficult for me to concentrate on what one person is saying. Therefore I have a tendency to 'zone out' in such situations, which means I can get very quiet in big social groups - I'm generally the quietest person in any conversation of more than two people.

Yeah that noise is annoying at times too. Nightclubs are a pain in the arse partly for that reason that there are so many different things going on. Any more than 1-2-1 contact I struggle to talk at all. Im only really comfortable talking to one person at a time.

ive touched on making friends already, but what i will say is thank god for the internet. It gives me a chance to develop friendships I never could before, and I can virtually do what I want online that i could in the real world. Some of the friends I have in person started off as online friendships...this wouldnt happen without the internet.

I have noticed on another forum that I read that it does have a high proportion of people with AS, or who exhibit that type of personality, and the internet has been a godsend for them, enabling them to get to know people without the drawbacks of a live social situation. When they do actually meet up, it's a lot easier for them as the ice has already been broken online.

Is it another poker forum? Or just a general forum? I still find it hard when I meet up with them, but eventually the nerves go and things are okay then. It isnt something I do very often to be fair.

[cia260895]

Great answers,

i am more convinced now that Charlie does have A.S even to the point that he needed his hearing constantly checked and even now I can call him numerous times before i get a response from him.

I think ill print the page off and let my son read it and see what he thinks.

You may only have a small number of real friends but i can guarantee you you have got loads of blonde buddies and i'm sure they will increase in numbers from this thread..

[Rod Paradise]

You may only have a small number of real friends but i can guarantee you you have got loads of blonde buddies and i'm sure they will increase in numbers from this thread..

A very good point & if you let us know how to make things more comfortable for you, you know people would bear it in mind were you to attend a blonde Bash - we're nice to everyone - even Kinboshi.

[AndrewT]

You may only have a small number of real friends but i can guarantee you you have got loads of blonde buddies and i'm sure they will increase in numbers from this thread..

A very good point & if you let us know how to make things more comfortable for you, you know people would bear it in mind were you to attend a blonde Bash - we're nice to everyone - evven Kinboshi.

Please find out who has been nice to Kinboshi at blonde bashes and ban them - we don't want that sort of thing catching on.

[Rod Paradise]

You may only have a small number of real friends but i can guarantee you you have got loads of blonde buddies and i'm sure they will increase in numbers from this thread..

A very good point & if you let us know how to make things more comfortable for you, you know people would bear it in mind were you to attend a blonde Bash - we're nice to everyone - evven Kinboshi.

Please find out who has been nice to Kinboshi at blonde bashes and ban them - we don't want that sort of thing catching on.

I think it was Boldie....

[AndrewT]

You may only have a small number of real friends but i can guarantee you you have got loads of blonde buddies and i'm sure they will increase in numbers from this thread..

A very good point & if you let us know how to make things more comfortable for you, you know people would bear it in mind were you to attend a blonde Bash - we're nice to everyone - evven Kinboshi.

Please find out who has been nice to Kinboshi at blonde bashes and ban them - we don't want that sort of thing catching on.

I think it was Boldie....

I knew it - he's been nothing but trouble.