blonde to the rescue asap please

[sofa----king]

bit of a sore subject here.,.,
my mate lewy just rang me and hes in hospital in cancun mexico,he had a jet ski crash into him on friday and now he been on a drip for the last 12 hours and having morphene,,

heres where the help is needed,,,,hes been hit in his penis and his testicals have swollen the size of a grapefruit,
hes with his missus,and neither can understand anything they are being told.
anyone got any ideas,i been searching google for the past couple of hours and cant seem to find what the outcome is???

i know there lots of jokes dropping bollocks ect,,,but he could really do with some info...
any help out there???please???
and of-course jokes lol,,,
he really is chitting himself,not knowing what there going to do,,,cut his balls off or even his old boy....
this all happend friday 2pm and it killed of-course
he felt unwell all day saturday
and went straight to hospital thismorning with huge swollen balls and the vien in his old boy veryvery swollen..

any help please post links here....

[pokerfan]

so hes looking for something to relieve the pain but leave the swelling?

[Colchester Kev]

quite el dolor, pero deje la hinchazón


Take away the pain, but leave the swelling

[pokerfan]

Peroni strong stuff

[Snatiramas]

see if there is an embassy out there and phone them

[The-Crow]

Hi m8, here are some useful Mexican translations

will it get better soon                      será mejorarse pronto

How long will it stay swollen            Cómo largo será estancia hichado

Can I have more pain killers please   Puedo tener más dolor matadores por favor

Can I have a male nurse                  Puedo tener un enfermero

How much will it cost                       Cómo mucho será coste

can you take a picture of it please     puede usted toma una imagen de él por favor

yes colour photos                             sí colonia fotos

[bolt pp]

Can I have a male nurse 

wtf?

forget about that, you're sitting there with your bollox swollen to the size of potatoes and you want to send away the gorgeous latino nurse in favour sweaty pedro to come and have a grope?

[The-Crow]

A female nurse would surely make it get bigger, more pain, nasty

[sofa----king]

8hrs behind cyprus so i will ring him around 3pm uk time
i dont think it looks good after findind some stuff on web/.//./.let yall know thnks for the mexican lesson crow..,.,

[Graham C]

It's been a while now and Andrew still hasn't posted in this thead, everything ok?

[tikay]

It's been a while now and Andrew still hasn't posted in this thead, everything ok?

Odd you should say that, because I wrote to him yesterday on the fact that he's been a bit invisible the last few days, & I was worried he was unwell.

He replied, it appears he's staying with family over Crimble, & his dongle is playing up.

The Search Party has been called off, he'll return soon. Not a moment too soon, either. Ideal thread this, for his cutting wit.

[kinboshi]

It's been a while now and Andrew still hasn't posted in this thead, everything ok?

Odd you should say that, because I wrote to him yesterday on the fact that he's been a bit invisible the last few days, & I was worried he was unwell.

He replied, it appears he's staying with family over Crimble, & his dongle is playing up.

The Search Party has been called off, he'll return soon. Not a moment too soon, either. Ideal thread this, for his cutting wit.

Are his family in Mexico?

[sofa----king]

just spoke to him swelling not gone down.,.,no pain.,.,upto his eyes on morphine and steroids..,
waiting for doctor to see him.,.,.,

who's andrew???.,.??is he a transexual??/

my niall just asked will my mate have to have a sex change if they cut off his balls???
so naive.,.,wait till he goes to uk high school.,.,.,om.,.,g.,.,.,.,.,

[bolt pp]

update?

[sofa----king]

well.,.,.,,.this is a bit of a sore subject .,.,.
but the update from last nights call from him went something like this..,.,.,

me,hi mate hows your ba-ls and ckoc.,
lewy ,mmmmmmmmmokish they let me out today but said i cant fly for 13 days.,.,
me,do you feel ok though
lewy,uuummm i did till i got back to a new hotel
me,why mate?
lewy,well they said to rest and not have sex for 13 days ummmm
me,what?
lewy,well i thought if my mrs give me bowl ojb it might release a bit of preasure.,
me,you slilly *****
lewy,no,no,no,no she wouldnt
me,oh thats ok then
lewy,well not really
me,why
lewy,well i had a wkan
me,you silly *****
lewy,no,no i feel better now,less swelling
me,well the doctor said not to mess about with it
lewy,welll i just thought,you know
me,ok i will ring you tommorrow to see how you are
lewy,no hang on a minute
me,why whats up
lewy,i didnt tell you
me,what ffs
lewy you are heres karen she will tell you
karen,hi james the best poker player in the world (i added that last bit)
me,hiya karen whats wrong?
karen,well that silly b4stud wanted a bowl jbo and i said no so he had a wnak and all brown stuff has come out of his old boy
me,hahahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahhaahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahah
karen,dont laugh
me,hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah ok sorry
karen,now he has to go back to the hossie in the morning and tell them he had a wnak and he wont
me,hahahha sorry
karen,hahahahaha sill git
me,i have a plan so he dont look silly
karen, what ?it must be a good one
me,when he goes to the hossie he has to tell them about the brown stuff
karen,yeah
me,well he has got to tell them that he had a wte dream
karen,great idea as she shouts to lewy and tells him YOU HAVE TO SAY YOU HAD A WTE DREAM
lewy,in the background,i cant
karen,WHY NOT
lewy,I HAVE NEVER HAD ONE BEFORE
me hahahahhahahahahahhahahahahahhahahahahahhahahahahahahahhahahahhahahahahhahahahahahhahahahahahahah
lewy,orrrrrrrr fcuk off
me,ring me in the morning
lewy,ok mate i feel an idiot
me,you feel a prikc
lewy,fukc off
me,speak to you later



fukc me that was hard writting that sometime i thought i was him lol or her lol,,,,,
i will update later after hes been to hossie to tell them about his imaginary wet dream....