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FML part II absolutely gutted
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Topic: FML part II absolutely gutted (Read 4147 times)
cia260895
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FML part II absolutely gutted
«
on:
August 07, 2009, 01:02:21 PM »
next Saturday the wife is moving out as it has been decided that we just cannot continue living together with the way things are at the moment,it has all come around through the non stop pressure that we have been under since the day we met,well that pressure has finally taken its toll and the straw that broke the camels back was the 1 thing we couldn't get over together, as the issue was with 1 of my stepdaughters hating me and not wanting to live in the same house as me,it got to the extent where i was not even acknowledged by her and had my drawers rummaged through and money taken,smoking in the house drinking,staying out all weekend from fri-sun,smoking and doing the weed all @ 14!!!!!!!!!and then i was expected not to say anything!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
she has had a few problems of late and her mum is doing what she thinks is best for her to be able to get her through her exam as these are a very important 2 years,so all this is happenning to keep 1 member of a 6 member household happy. I'll be staying where i am for now but am desperately thinking about just selling up and moving closer to where my boys live
we are not splitting up but just living separately but being the pessimist that i am i just cant see it ever getting back
1 day just 1 day my life might just run good..........................
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Kev B
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Re: FML part II absolutely gutted
«
Reply #1 on:
August 07, 2009, 01:51:34 PM »
Best of luck fella.
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Dingdell
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Re: FML part II absolutely gutted
«
Reply #2 on:
August 07, 2009, 02:00:34 PM »
I went through a very similar situation a few years ago. We went our separate ways for the sake of his daughter and it became apparent that the daughter was going to be the same whatever the circumstances and whoever was in the house. Within a few months we sorted it out between the 2 of us and the daughter just had to put up with the fact we were a united front and she could no longer use emotional blackmail to separate us.
Lets hope your situation turns ou the same. Keep your chin up - it will be ok. x
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HOLDorFOLD
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Re: FML part II absolutely gutted
«
Reply #3 on:
August 07, 2009, 02:23:07 PM »
Sorry to hear that Ian. Hope it all sorts itself out. x
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bolt pp
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Re: FML part II absolutely gutted
«
Reply #4 on:
August 07, 2009, 03:45:38 PM »
head up m8
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kinboshi
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Re: FML part II absolutely gutted
«
Reply #5 on:
August 07, 2009, 03:52:01 PM »
Quote from: bolt pp on August 07, 2009, 03:45:38 PM
head up m8
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outragous76
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Re: FML part II absolutely gutted
«
Reply #6 on:
August 07, 2009, 03:55:28 PM »
i havent met you , and i dont know you, but it sounds like you are doing 100% the right thing.
I know you probably love your wife, but discipline never did any child any harm.
I know there are probably a gazillion factors i am not aware of, but you have to keep strong morals and discipline wth kids. I was always well aware as a child (teenager) that if i ever wanted to live by my own rules, i knew where the door was. I chose the option once, for the coldest most miserable night of my life. [ ] i did it again! I was welcomed back as thou it hasnt happened and it was never mentioned again.
Good luck fella - hope everything works out for the best
G
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Graham C
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Re: FML part II absolutely gutted
«
Reply #7 on:
August 07, 2009, 03:57:24 PM »
Good luck fella - hope everything works out for the best
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G1BTW
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Re: FML part II absolutely gutted
«
Reply #8 on:
August 07, 2009, 04:55:44 PM »
Chin up mate, sorry to hear this.
If you don't mind me asking, what age was this daughter when you became her stepdad? I think the role in general is modified by the age the child was when you took on that role. Like if a girl is 2, you can really take over as a father figure. At 8, it's going to be a lot more difficult. The consequence of this is that if you're not perceived as father, then disciplining can be really hard, maybe even not appropriate (speaking generally). She may not see you as dad, yet it's expected that she accept discipline from you as if you were.
Of course the overriding factor in all this is that she's now 14 == major tantrum / rebellion time anyway.
I think it's easy in relationships to make long term decisions based on the status quo, but in fact in 3 years time the situation may well have changed when the daughter is older/nearly ready to move out.
Hope things look up for you.
Stepfamilies as such are kind of a source of some perplexity to me; I think people underestimate just how big a paradox they really are, especially with a stepfather.
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Colchester Kev
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Re: FML part II absolutely gutted
«
Reply #9 on:
August 07, 2009, 08:58:06 PM »
Quote from: G1BTW on August 07, 2009, 04:55:44 PM
Chin up mate, sorry to hear this.
If you don't mind me asking, what age was this daughter when you became her stepdad? I think the role in general is modified by the age the child was when you took on that role. Like if a girl is 2, you can really take over as a father figure. At 8, it's going to be a lot more difficult. The consequence of this is that if you're not perceived as father, then disciplining can be really hard, maybe even not appropriate (speaking generally). She may not see you as dad, yet it's expected that she accept discipline from you as if you were.
Of course the overriding factor in all this is that she's now 14 == major tantrum / rebellion time anyway.
I think it's easy in relationships to make long term decisions based on the status quo, but in fact in 3 years time the situation may well have changed when the daughter is older/nearly ready to move out.
Hope things look up for you.
Stepfamilies as such are kind of a source of some perplexity to me; I think people underestimate just how big a paradox they really are, especially with a stepfather.
Be perplexed no more ... its a fucking nightmare, and you have to learn to just shut your mouth and try your best to ignore any sqabbling between kids that aren't yours... get involved and immediately you are the villain.
You have to trust your partner (the childrens parent) to handle the situation, and even if you dont agree with the way they handle it, just shut your mouth some more.
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boldie
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Don't make me mad
Re: FML part II absolutely gutted
«
Reply #10 on:
August 07, 2009, 10:35:16 PM »
Quote from: Silo Graham on August 07, 2009, 03:57:24 PM
Good luck fella - hope everything works out for the best
This.
good luck mate.
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cia260895
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Re: FML part II absolutely gutted
«
Reply #11 on:
August 10, 2009, 06:54:29 PM »
Quote from: Colchester Kev on August 07, 2009, 08:58:06 PM
Quote from: G1BTW on August 07, 2009, 04:55:44 PM
Chin up mate, sorry to hear this.
If you don't mind me asking, what age was this daughter when you became her stepdad? I think the role in general is modified by the age the child was when you took on that role. Like if a girl is 2, you can really take over as a father figure. At 8, it's going to be a lot more difficult. The consequence of this is that if you're not perceived as father, then disciplining can be really hard, maybe even not appropriate (speaking generally). She may not see you as dad, yet it's expected that she accept discipline from you as if you were.
Of course the overriding factor in all this is that she's now 14 == major tantrum / rebellion time anyway.
I think it's easy in relationships to make long term decisions based on the status quo, but in fact in 3 years time the situation may well have changed when the daughter is older/nearly ready to move out.
Hope things look up for you.
Stepfamilies as such are kind of a source of some perplexity to me; I think people underestimate just how big a paradox they really are, especially with a stepfather.
Be perplexed no more ... its a fucking nightmare, and you have to learn to just shut your mouth and try your best to ignore any sqabbling between kids that aren't yours... get involved and immediately you are the villain.
You have to trust your partner (the childrens parent) to handle the situation, and even if you dont agree with the way they handle it, just shut your mouth some more.
This works and its what i have done for the last 3 years but when there is still outright contempt and absolutely no respect it makes the situation 10 times worse,unfortunately i wouldnt tolerate being made a mug in my own home!
anyway thx for the messages of support most appreiciated, afwiw becky was 7/8 when we got together and keeley was 4 and have absolutely no probs whatsoever with kee,if i ever had a daughter i'd want her to be just like her...
it is now time to stop feeling sorry for myself and just get on with things.
now where did i put that gun?
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steeveg
Sr. Member
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Posts: 777
Re: FML part II absolutely gutted
«
Reply #12 on:
August 10, 2009, 07:20:46 PM »
gl Cia, hope things turn for the better in a few months
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mondatoo
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Posts: 22503
Re: FML part II absolutely gutted
«
Reply #13 on:
August 10, 2009, 07:27:35 PM »
Quote from: steeveg on August 10, 2009, 07:20:46 PM
gl Cia, hope things turn for the better in a few months
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George2Loose
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Posts: 15127
Re: FML part II absolutely gutted
«
Reply #14 on:
August 10, 2009, 11:35:59 PM »
Quote from: Colchester Kev on August 07, 2009, 08:58:06 PM
Quote from: G1BTW on August 07, 2009, 04:55:44 PM
Chin up mate, sorry to hear this.
If you don't mind me asking, what age was this daughter when you became her stepdad? I think the role in general is modified by the age the child was when you took on that role. Like if a girl is 2, you can really take over as a father figure. At 8, it's going to be a lot more difficult. The consequence of this is that if you're not perceived as father, then disciplining can be really hard, maybe even not appropriate (speaking generally). She may not see you as dad, yet it's expected that she accept discipline from you as if you were.
Of course the overriding factor in all this is that she's now 14 == major tantrum / rebellion time anyway.
I think it's easy in relationships to make long term decisions based on the status quo, but in fact in 3 years time the situation may well have changed when the daughter is older/nearly ready to move out.
Hope things look up for you.
Stepfamilies as such are kind of a source of some perplexity to me; I think people underestimate just how big a paradox they really are, especially with a stepfather.
Be perplexed no more ... its a fucking nightmare, and you have to learn to just shut your mouth and try your best to ignore any sqabbling between kids that aren't yours... get involved and immediately you are the villain.
You have to trust your partner (the childrens parent) to handle the situation, and even if you dont agree with the way they handle it, just shut your mouth some more.
I have two children who aren't biologically mine but in every other way are. I hate calling them stepchildren or even mentioning the fact that I'm not the natural father because I am in every other way and they are my kids.
I have been their dad since they were 4 and they are both now 11. We also have two younger kids, Rio and Ace. Again they are not step brothers or half siblings. They're brothers and sisters.
Esme and Kieran also have an excellent relationship with their Dad as do me and Shelley. We always try and put the kids first so much so that when they're were younger their dad would sleep on the couch on xmas eve so he could see the kids open their presents.
Doesn't always have to be doom and gloom although teenagedom is approaching.... maybe I'll start getting the "your not my real dad" line.
I hope not.
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