Joke!!

[TightEnd]

Two particles walking down the street

The atom says "I'm an atom, what are you?"

The other says "I'm an Ion"

Atom "Are you sure?"

Ion "Yes, I'm positive"


One for the geeks

[Claw75]

three pieces of string in a pub.  First goes up to the bar to get a round in.  "sorry mate" says the barman "but we don't serve pieces of string in here".  Empty handed the piece of string returns to his friends.  "that's bollox", says the second piece of string "let me have a go" and off he heads to the bar.  "look", said the barman, "I've just told your mate, we don't serve pieces of string in this pub, and that's final".  "Sigh, let me have a go" said the third piece of string when his friend once again returned empty handed.  The third piece of string tied himself up, ruffled his hair, and headed the bar.  "three pints please".  The barman eyed him with suspicion "are you a piece of string?".  "no.....I'm a frayed knot"

[bobAlike]

I beat my wife at dominos the other night.
She needs to learn that I choose the pizza toppings...

[Girgy85]

I beat my wife at dominos the other night.
She needs to learn that I choose the pizza toppings...

[Claw75]

I beat my wife at dominos the other night.
She needs to learn that I choose the pizza toppings...

I lolled when I read it, but now I feel guilty for not sharing the lol on the thread. 

[RED-DOG]

I beat my wife at dominos the other night.
She needs to learn that I choose the pizza toppings...

I lolled when I read it, but now I feel guilty for not sharing the lol on the thread. 

+1

[boldie]

My wife walked out on me after I blew our life savings on a penis extension.

She said she just couldn't take it any longer.

[boldie]

Christiano Ronaldo had his first parenting lesson with his new son this morning.

"Right," said the midwife, "what should you do if he starts crying and having a tantrum?"

"Show him a yellow card and tell him to get up off the fecking floor," replied the baby.

[boldie]

A dyslexic friend of mine has been arrested at the World Cup for attempting to blow a Zulu's vulva.

[Colchester Kev]

A dyslexic friend of mine has been arrested at the World Cup for attempting to blow a Zulu's vulva.

LOLOLOLOL

[boldie]

I'm going to take a picture of my firstborn and use age progression software to figure out what he'll look like when he's 16.
Then I'm going to frame the picture and keep it as a centerpiece in our house,
something he'll grow up looking at.
Then when the appropriate time comes,
he will realize that the picture is actually of him,
Then I am going to try and convince him that he is a time traveller. 

[EvilPie]

I'm going to take a picture of my firstborn and use age progression software to figure out what he'll look like when he's 16.
Then I'm going to frame the picture and keep it as a centerpiece in our house,
something he'll grow up looking at.
Then when the appropriate time comes,
he will realize that the picture is actually of him,
Then I am going to try and convince him that he is a time traveller. 

[ ] joke

[Claw75]

I'm going to take a picture of my firstborn and use age progression software to figure out what he'll look like when he's 16.
Then I'm going to frame the picture and keep it as a centerpiece in our house,
something he'll grow up looking at.
Then when the appropriate time comes,
he will realize that the picture is actually of him,
Then I am going to try and convince him that he is a time traveller. 

[ ] joke

it's probably hilarious in Germany tbf

[boldie]

I'm going to take a picture of my firstborn and use age progression software to figure out what he'll look like when he's 16.
Then I'm going to frame the picture and keep it as a centerpiece in our house,
something he'll grow up looking at.
Then when the appropriate time comes,
he will realize that the picture is actually of him,
Then I am going to try and convince him that he is a time traveller. 

[ ] joke

it's probably hilarious in Germany tbf

It is

[boldie]

First thing this morning, there was a tap on my door.


Funny sense of humour my plumber has.