Joke!!

[I KNOW IT]

Susie's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months. Things looked grim, but she was by his bedside every single day. One day as he slipped back into consciousness, he motioned for her to come close to him. She pulled the chair close to the bed and leaned her ear close to be able to hear him.

"You know" he whispered, his eyes filling with tears, "you have been with me through all the bad times. When I got fired, you stuck right beside me. When my business went under, there you were. When we lost the house, you were there. When I got shot, you stuck with me. When my health started failing, you were still by my side. "And you know what?"

"What, dear?" she asked gently, smiling to herself.

"I think you're bad luck."

[sovietsong]

Susie's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months. Things looked grim, but she was by his bedside every single day. One day as he slipped back into consciousness, he motioned for her to come close to him. She pulled the chair close to the bed and leaned her ear close to be able to hear him.

"You know" he whispered, his eyes filling with tears, "you have been with me through all the bad times. When I got fired, you stuck right beside me. When my business went under, there you were. When we lost the house, you were there. When I got shot, you stuck with me. When my health started failing, you were still by my side. "And you know what?"

"What, dear?" she asked gently, smiling to herself.

"I think you're bad luck."

haha

[boldie]

Why does everyone swear so much?

I was sitting at a poker table last night, a young girl was dealing. Every sentence from the players was punctuated by swear words.

Fucking this, bastard that. *****, wanker etc.

It's not like there was an argument or something, it was just normal conversation. I found it very embarrassing.

I feel the same when I think about people's wives, mothers, girlfriends and daughters browsing blonde, but I accept that my view on this is probably old fashioned and out of step.

Speaking of which;

If a mute kid swears

Does his mother wash his hands with soap?

[Newmanseye]

My job is so fucking unbelievable. I'll try to sum it up by first telling you about the folks I work with:

First, there is this supermodel wannabe chick. Yeah, okay, she is pretty hot, but damn is she completely useless.
The girl is constantly fixing her hair or putting on make-up.
She is extremely self-centred and has never once considered the needs or wants of anyone but herself.
She is as dumb as a box of rocks, and I still find it surprising that she has enough brain power to continue to breathe.

The next chick is completely the opposite. She might even be one of the smartest people on the planet.
Her career opportunities are endless, and yet she is here with us. She is a zero on a scale of 1 to 10.
I'm not sure she even showers, much less shaves her "womanly" parts.
I think she might be a lesbian, because every time we drive by the hardware store she moans like a cat in heat.

But the jewel of the crowd has got to be the fucking stoner. And this guy is more than just your average pothead.
In fact, he is baked before he comes to work, during work, and I'm sure after work.
He probably hasn't been sober any time in the last ten years, and he's only 22.
He dresses like a beatnik throwback from the 1960's, and to make things worse, he brings his big fucking dog to work.
Every fucking day I have to look at this huge Great Dane walk around half-stoned from the second-hand smoke.
Hell, sometimes I even think it's trying to talk with its constant bellowing.
Also, both of them are constantly hungry, requiring multiple stops to McDonald's and Burger King, every single fucking day.

Anyway, I drive these fucktards around in my van and we solve mysteries and shit.

I think that I have been thoroughly whooooshed here

Think Fredm Wilma, Daphne, Shaggy and SCOOOBY!!!

[bobAlike]

So Katie and Peter have split up.

I just want to know who gets custody of the camera crew?

[rex008]

This works better out loud, but my 6 year old told me this, had me in stitches:

Knock knock
Who's there?
An interrupting sheep
An interrupti
Baa!

[Longines]

Two nuns driving along when the Devil appears on the bonnet.

"Quick Sister Mary! Show him your cross"

"Oi Satan! Get off my fcuking car!"

[boldie]

A kid is watching his grandfather take a pee:

"Hey, Granddad, my dad has got two of those things."

"What do you mean son?" says the old man.

"Well, he's got a wobbly one like that for peeing through, and a long hard one for cleaning mummy’s' teeth."

[tikay]

Why does everyone swear so much?
I was sitting at a poker table last night, a young girl was dealing. Every sentence from the players was punctuated by swear words.

Fucking this, bastard that. *****, wanker etc.

It's not like there was an argument or something, it was just normal conversation. I found it very embarrassing.

I feel the same when I think about people's wives, mothers, girlfriends and daughters browsing blonde, but I accept that my view on this is probably old fashioned and out of step.

I don't know, Tom. Lack of ability to get a point across forcefully without resorting to profanities I suppose.

I do know it's reached levels on blonde which I find totally unacceptable, & last week was far & away the worst week ever.

Even today, we've had to remove stuff.

The mods - as you know - are currently soul-searching as to the answer.

Anyway, I'll be making a Statement about it shortly. It'll go down like a lead balloon.

[Jon MW]

Why does everyone swear so much?
I was sitting at a poker table last night, a young girl was dealing. Every sentence from the players was punctuated by swear words.

Fucking this, bastard that. *****, wanker etc.

It's not like there was an argument or something, it was just normal conversation. I found it very embarrassing.

I feel the same when I think about people's wives, mothers, girlfriends and daughters browsing blonde, but I accept that my view on this is probably old fashioned and out of step.

I don't know, Tom. Lack of ability to get a point across forcefully without resorting to profanities I suppose.

I do know it's reached levels on blonde which I find totally unacceptable, & last week was far & away the worst week ever.

Even today, we've had to remove stuff.

The mods - as you know - are currently soul-searching as to the answer.

Anyway, I'll be making a Statement about it shortly. It'll go down like a lead balloon.

You're right Tikay - there is too much unnecessary swearing on the forum at the moment.

[david3103]

I am a member of a forum dedicated to volunteer work.

Any profanities are filtered out and replaced by the euphemstic BANNED WORD, Not sure that Blonde should go quite so far, but then again...

This forum has so many abbreviations that I am sure that the members would very quickly adapt.

[AndrewT]

I am a member of a forum dedicated to volunteer work.

Any profanities are filtered out and replaced by the euphemstic BANNED WORD, Not sure that Blonde should go quite so far, but then again...

This forum has so many abbreviations that I am sure that the members would very quickly adapt.

What happens if someone says they're from Scunthorpe?

[Colchester Kev]

I am a member of a forum dedicated to volunteer work.

Any profanities are filtered out and replaced by the euphemstic BANNED WORD, Not sure that Blonde should go quite so far, but then again...

This forum has so many abbreviations that I am sure that the members would very quickly adapt.

What happens if someone says they're from Scunthorpe?

We all chip in a few quid so they can move somewhere decent obv.

[TightEnd]

I am a member of a forum dedicated to volunteer work.

Any profanities are filtered out and replaced by the euphemstic BANNED WORD, Not sure that Blonde should go quite so far, but then again...

This forum has so many abbreviations that I am sure that the members would very quickly adapt.

What happens if someone says they're from Scunthorpe?

On a football forum I frequent the word becomes S****horpe!

[david3103]

I am a member of a forum dedicated to volunteer work.

Any profanities are filtered out and replaced by the euphemstic BANNED WORD, Not sure that Blonde should go quite so far, but then again...

This forum has so many abbreviations that I am sure that the members would very quickly adapt.

What happens if someone says they're from Scunthorpe?

i'll try it and let you know