Joke!!

[geordieneil]

I was playing Football Manager on my PC when I was offered the Scotland job.

I knew it was a shit squad with no future, so I declined the offer.

I then put the phone down and got back to Football Manager.

[bobAlike]

Is it too early to say Jack Duckworth fingered me or shall I wait?

[bobAlike]

It's predicted that by 2025 you'll be no more than a six feet away from an ex-Chelsea manager.

[moonandback]

Cavan men are renowned for being a bit tight with money and a bit sly. below is a cavan man joke......

A Cavan driver is pulled over by a Garda on the N3 from Dublin on his way home. The Garda approaches the driver's door.

"Is there a problem Garda ?"

The Garda says, "Sir, you were speeding. Can I see your license please?"

The driver responds, "I'd give it to you but I don't have one."

"You don't have one?"

The Cavan man responds, "I lost it four times for drink driving."

The Garda is shocked. "I see. Can I see your vehicle registration papers please?"

"I'm sorry, I can't do that."

The Garda says, "Why not?"

"I stole this car."

The Garda says, "Stole it?"

The man says, "Yes, and I killed the owner."

At this point the Garda is getting irate. "You what!?"

"She's in the boot if you want to see."

The Garda looks at the man and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes, five Garda cars show up, surrounding the car. A senior Garda from the serious crimes squad slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.

The senior Garda says "Sir, could you step out of your vehicle please!"

The man steps out of his vehicle. "Is there a problem Garda ?"

"One of my men told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner."

"Murdered the owner?"

The Garda responds, "Yes, could you please open the boot of your car please?"

The man opens the boot, revealing nothing but an empty boot.

The Garda says, "Is this your car sir?"

The man says "Yes," and hands over the registration papers.

The Garda, understandably, is quite stunned. "One of my Garda claims that you do not have a driving licence."

The man digs in his pocket revealing a wallet and hands it to the Garda. The Garda opens the wallet and examines the license.
He looks quite puzzled. "Thank you sir, one of my Gardas told me you didn't have a license, stole this car, and murdered the owner."

The man replies, "I bet you the lying bastard told you I was speeding, too!"

[bobAlike]

I met a girl at a party last night. and I said, "You remind me of my little toe."
She said, "Why, small and petite?"
"No, I'll probably bang you later on the kitchen table when I'm pissed!"

[Ant040689]

Cavan men are renowned for being a bit tight with money and a bit sly. below is a cavan man joke......

A Cavan driver is pulled over by a Garda on the N3 from Dublin on his way home. The Garda approaches the driver's door.

"Is there a problem Garda ?"

The Garda says, "Sir, you were speeding. Can I see your license please?"

The driver responds, "I'd give it to you but I don't have one."

"You don't have one?"

The Cavan man responds, "I lost it four times for drink driving."

The Garda is shocked. "I see. Can I see your vehicle registration papers please?"

"I'm sorry, I can't do that."

The Garda says, "Why not?"

"I stole this car."

The Garda says, "Stole it?"

The man says, "Yes, and I killed the owner."

At this point the Garda is getting irate. "You what!?"

"She's in the boot if you want to see."

The Garda looks at the man and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes, five Garda cars show up, surrounding the car. A senior Garda from the serious crimes squad slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.

The senior Garda says "Sir, could you step out of your vehicle please!"

The man steps out of his vehicle. "Is there a problem Garda ?"

"One of my men told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner."

"Murdered the owner?"

The Garda responds, "Yes, could you please open the boot of your car please?"

The man opens the boot, revealing nothing but an empty boot.

The Garda says, "Is this your car sir?"

The man says "Yes," and hands over the registration papers.

The Garda, understandably, is quite stunned. "One of my Garda claims that you do not have a driving licence."

The man digs in his pocket revealing a wallet and hands it to the Garda. The Garda opens the wallet and examines the license.
He looks quite puzzled. "Thank you sir, one of my Gardas told me you didn't have a license, stole this car, and murdered the owner."

The man replies, "I bet you the lying bastard told you I was speeding, too!"

Great stuff. If I had the powers to relay long jokes I would use this.

[skolsuper]

What do a mole and an eagle have in common? They both live underground, apart from the eagle.

[RED-DOG]

What do a mole and an eagle have in common? They both live underground, apart from the eagle.

Also, one of it's legs are both the same.

[Tal]

What do a mole and an eagle have in common? They both live underground, apart from the eagle.

I lold

[smashedagain]

My wife's in Dublin and I can here my step son shagging hell out of his bird.

[bobAlike]

My wife's in Dublin and I can here my step son shagging hell out of his bird.

You do know it's bad form to crack one out listening to family having sex?

[smashedagain]

My wife's in Dublin and I can here my step son shagging hell out of his bird.

You do know it's bad form to crack one out listening to family having sex?

i'm just flicking through her pictures on Facebook too. Don't tell me that's wrong as well

[bobAlike]

My wife's in Dublin and I can here my step son shagging hell out of his bird.

You do know it's bad form to crack one out listening to family having sex?

i'm just flicking through her pictures on Facebook too. Don't tell me that's wrong as well

Only if you get caught.

[celtic]

What do a mole and an eagle have in common? They both live underground, apart from the eagle.

I lold

[smashedagain]

A motor way and a dual carriage way sat in a bar having a drink and in walks a piece of Tarmac. Watch out for this guy hw is a bit handy says the motorway. Behave says the dual carriage way we are much bigger than him what trouble can he be? Just go steady says the motorway..... I heard he's a cycle path.