Hey there Noobs, as you are aware you can get staked to play expensive poker tournaments by blondes after only 300 posts. So how do some people get instastaked for GUKPTs and EPTs at 1.3 when others get laughed off the forum for trying to get staked for a £100 tourney in Luton?
Well, it is imperative to get the image of a great player who wins loads but spends it all on frivolous "balla" items. How can you gain this image? Firstly you need to identify respected posters on the Hand Analysis forum. People like flushy, dubai, nigdawg and 810clubs. The thing to do is wait until they post a reply and then rewrite their post in your own words - just like you did when you were copying people's homework at school! If you don't really understand what the Fk they are talking about, don't worry just quote their post and write +1 or this underneath it. You can also get brownie points by quoting 85% of Mantis' posts and writing LOL WAT? underneath.
A good way to become known on the forum is to post in high traffic threads like tikay's diary. I would strongly suggest finding out where tikay is playing and hoping to get on his table. Wear a hoodie and baseball cap and raise every hand. Next day post that you played him last night and hope that he replies something like OMG you were that guy who raised every hand! This will help to get you the cool kidz image that you require. It would be far better to do this in a GUKPT or festival side event than some random £50 donkament as you can pretend that you were there for the main event.
There is a brag thread which is perfect for posting pics of HEM graphs showing 20 or 30K months. The best place to find these pics is the MSNL reg threads on 2+2. If you want to be a bit more subtle find one that shows you 30K below EV for the month and post it in the moans thread. Start a thread asking if you should go pro. Say that you are averaging 25 buyins a month at 5/10 but lose most of it taking stabs at 25/50. FYL etc.
It would be good to make friends with some good players and get their MSNs etc. Not so you can talk strat but so you can find cool hands on the 2+2 HSNL forum and post them as your own on here. You will get serious cred if you post a hand where you C/R all in on the river in a 25/50 game and post that nigdawg said on MSN that you should have folded lulz what a nit, but when you were in Nobu's with Luke the other night he said it was a check/call. Also be sure to mention that you lost 2K playing credit card roulette. In the very unlikely event that Fullflush comes on here to deny dining with you just say LOL not you fatty I meant Luke Smith that dude who crushes 10/20 on UB.
It is also important to use up to date correct 2+2 style language in your posts. Nobody says pwnt anymore, the latest one seems to be "cool story bro" which some
arsehole cool kid writes in every single thread now. A good place to post that would be red-dog's thread or even this one.
Other good ways to gain cred are to post stories of live pro's playing badly and then trying to nip you. Apparently there are live pro's who try to nip everybody so it is unlikely they will come on to deny it. If you can't think of anyone just mention how TJ Cookier tried to nip you for $300 while you were playing the 5K 6 max at the WSOP last year.
Keep in mind that anyone can bink a tournament. There really is no need to waste time trying to learn poker just 3 bet a lot and hope you run good. The only question is how much do you need to win before you grim your stakers. I would suggest taking a leaf out of Blatch's book here. You will probably be temped to run off with say a 50K GUKPT win but you have the opportunity to set yourself up for life with an EPT or WSOP bink. I say wait until you get close to a cool mirrion, buy a house somewhere hot and then post LOL FFFFFFFUUUUUUU until you get banned from the forum.
I expect blonde will sticky this as nothing brings them traffic like a good grim thread, I'm sure other posters will be happy to give advice so all that remains for me to say is Happy Binking! GL
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