Tales from the Tube

[Snatiramas]

Funny place London. I love it. I particularly love it first thing in the morning going to work on the tube. Now I thought I would hate the daily grind of getting on a cramped tube train. Horrible smelly sweaty blokes crushing up against you as you hang on for dear life and try and read the paper.

Of course I would be the horrible sweaty smelly bloke and the pretty leggy blonde would be hanging on for dear life. Well she would in my dreams.

But no! My journey into work involves strolling the mile to the station. I get on the train and always get a seat. I have the phone off and I read for forty minutes. Forty minutes of totally unadulterated self indulgence. I have been reading all sorts of books. I finally got to read Sea Biscuit, and a book on presentation called Impact but my favourite so far has been Malcolm Gladwell’s Outliers. Magnificent. Just a marvellous look at random events that then get pulled together at the end.

So my first tale from the tube is this. The reason that most people are quiet on the tube is that it is probably the only moment of peace they get. Alternatively it could be that they are just rude and ignorant. Funny place London............more tales from the Tube next week.

[Geo the Sarge]

Hello Snatty,

hope you are well sir.

Geo

[nirvana]

Outliers is very insightful imo. Worth reading all his books if you get a chance Snat

[Claw75]

I used to read loads when I did the twice-daily hour on the tube.  Kind of sad now that I have much more time on my hands I read a lot less - another thing to add to the list of stuff I need to work to rectify.  Tubes are also a good place for taking naps.  In 17 years of commuting I only once or twice failed to wake up bang as I reached my stop.

[Longines]

40 minutes, always a seat and a book would be heaven. I do St Pancras<>Piccadilly Circus and always choose the 35 minute walk over 20 minutes with my nose in someone's armpit.

[TightEnd]

I used to read loads when I did the twice-daily hour on the tube.  Kind of sad now that I have much more time on my hands I read a lot less - another thing to add to the list of stuff I need to work to rectify.  Tubes are also a good place for taking naps.  In 17 years of commuting I only once or twice failed to wake up bang as I reached my stop.

me too. Slept both ways, woke up a minute before my stop at either end

[Snatiramas]

This week has been a fascinating one on the jolly old Tube. Monday had chino day. I have no idea why everybody should suddenly get on my carriage wearing chinos. It did get me wondering as to whether or not there was some sort of secret Facebook page that people logged on to that gave them their clothes choices for the following day. How could I not know about this? I was wearing grey strides and haven’t felt that left out since I thought mince pies were full of minced beef at Michael May’s seventh birthday party.

Now this would have been all well and good but on Tuesday it was protuberance day. Yes it was Monty Python’s big nose day. Now there are normally a few red sea pedestrians, myself included, on the train due to its journey through the ghettos of Edgware, Golders Green and Hendon but this was well different. Eastern Europeans, Middle Easterners, WASP’s, Jews the lot and all with bloody huge noses. Mine felt positively button like in comparison and not a pair of Chinos in site.  All very strange.

The day that really crucified me though was Wednesday. Get on the tube with a dog day. Now those of you who know me, know that for some reason animals just do not like me. Quite how I managed to kill twenty one fish in just one day I still have no idea. Their mass suicide to this day plays on my conscience. Anyway, in one journey to work I see eight dog owners and their animals. Now at the risk of upsetting dog lovers everywhere I do of course have a question. when these dogs go for a wee on the underground who the bloody hell clears up the mess?

Next week.....how to get a seat on the tube when it is crowded.
Oh and this weeks book is "How to have kick-ass ideas"

[boldie]

Wb Snatty, missed your tales mate

[outragous76]

i like this thread

I remember my initial fascination with London. I loved it for 2 years. Then I moved to the Suburbs to "enjoy london" but not be in london - then i left after 6 years in total, when i realised that although its a great place, there is definately more to life!

Please keep enjoying it snatty, please keep finding humour in the situations, and dont let the fekkers pull you down!

Keep up the good work

[rex008]

haven’t felt that left out since I thought mince pies were full of minced beef at Michael May’s seventh birthday party.

Not so wrong - they used to be. I used to work with a historical cooking geek (bit of a weirdo frankly, but he brought in food, so can't complain). He made traditional mince pies once, mincemeat actually had steak in it. Lovely.

/Geek

[MKKfish]

First line of para 3 is pure gold given the content of para 2.

[Lucky]

Quite how I managed to kill twenty one fish in just one day I still have no idea. Their mass suicide to this day plays on my conscience. 

Must be your table chat!

[Jon MW]

haven’t felt that left out since I thought mince pies were full of minced beef at Michael May’s seventh birthday party.

Not so wrong - they used to be. I used to work with a historical cooking geek (bit of a weirdo frankly, but he brought in food, so can't complain). He made traditional mince pies once, mincemeat actually had steak in it. Lovely.

/Geek

IIRC they were always a mixture of sweet and savoury but gradually they kept on getting made with more and more fruit and less and less meat until you end up with what we have now

I found an old recipe for mince pies before, but I've never got round to making it.

[Snatiramas]

So how do you get a seat on the tube when it is crowded? Oh let me count the ways. Of course there is the obvious walk down the aisle and let the most enormous fart go. I promise somebody will get off at the next stop even if it is Mornington Crescent. Mornington Crescent for those who don’t know used to be a point of congregation for punks in the 70’s and was quite violent back then.

Let’s be honest though that is a little anti social. My new favourite is to get on smiling and saying good morning to everyone. You know, take an interest in all your fellow passengers and watch them all desert your carriage at the earliest opportunity for fear of having to communicate. It is a bit like the old Jasper Carrot sketch about the nutter on the bus.

Please feel free to add your own ideas and I will try them and report back the results. For now I would like to move on to a much more serious matter. This week it has come to my attention that there is a dangerous group of tube people that need “outing”. Let me introduce you to the Reakers. The Reakers read while they walk from one platform to the next and are particularly dangerous.

Why are they doing this? I wondered whether it was some sort of silent “Hey look at me do two things at once” but have decided that these people need taking on in no uncertain manner. I now play Reaker chicken and urge you to join me. If you see somebody walking and reading simultaneously I want you to walk straight at them. If they dodge you, then you get two points for proving that they were not really reading. If you hit them then you lose a point and they really are stupid. My apologies to the beautiful blond woman who was reading Stig Larsson’s book but I am sure the bruises will heal soon.
My score for this week is plus seven.

Yesterday I found a mode of transport that knocks the tube into a cocked hat but that will have to wait until next week.
Mind the gap!

[sovietsong]

Superb!! Love the tales from the tube!!