Turning disgust into humour

[outragous76]

I'm currently working in an office where the toilets are being refurbed, so traps are used for 1s and

Anyway I walk into a trap to be met by a significant length of cable sat there, like it had been left as a memento of pride ( just the cable, no tp, how do they do that?)

I flush the villain away, have a tinkle, wash hands and go back to trap to blow my nose! Zero bog roll! I laughed quite hard at the thought of some poor soul, not leaving a memento, but squeaking downstairs with fear, hoping to find White gold in the traps on ground floor!

[china mug]

i am reminded of a alledged student day prank , group of students leaving a restraunt to go to there destination across a park well known for its do litter,one student keeps a part of some chocklate desert from the restraunt telling and showing some of the group how rolled out it looks just like dog shite,so the plan is set he will wonder ahead of the group and point out and declare...o look those ffffkkk  dogs have done itevery where ,his mates will pick it up and say we had better toss it out of the way so no one walks on it then toss it to each other and then to a student not in the gag....great humor .........all worked well until the merry turd tossers see matey with original choclate cake turd waveing it about while they think theyve got it in there hands

[DaveShoelace]

I have a mate who told us how he would used to make 'shit hammocks' where he would create a bridge across the toilet seat out of several layers of toilet roll. He would then catch his turd on the aforementioned bridge and then carry the turd around in the hammock.

This is what he once told us he used to do, then shortly after we saw him emerge from the toilet with a full shit hammock. What he actually had was a bar of soap inside the toilet roll bridge to weigh it down as if it were a poo, but it was enough for about 6 of us to run out of the house in pure panic.

[mondatoo]

I expected this to be a thread about Newcastle.

[ACE2M]

The building i work in is hopelessly under equipped with toilets so there is often a bit of a queue and milling about going on the gents.

A couple of months ago there are 4 of us hanging about for a trap when one guy has finished and just started opening the door, first guy in the queue starts moving towards the trap when the main door bursts open and a guy barges through shouting 'no, no, no' undoing his belt with 1 hand and grabbing the guy just entering the trap by the colar and throwing him out of the way. No time to shut door just keep shouting 'no, no, no', he makes it just in time and lets go an ungodly bout of slurry with huge farts and squirts and starts shouting 'yes, yes, yes'. I've not laughed so hard in years.

[Girgy85]

The building i work in is hopelessly under equipped with toilets so there is often a bit of a queue and milling about going on the gents.

A couple of months ago there are 4 of us hanging about for a trap when one guy has finished and just started opening the door, first guy in the queue starts moving towards the trap when the main door bursts open and a guy barges through shouting 'no, no, no' undoing his belt with 1 hand and grabbing the guy just entering the trap by the colar and throwing him out of the way. No time to shut door just keep shouting 'no, no, no', he makes it just in time and lets go an ungodly bout of slurry with huge farts and squirts and starts shouting 'yes, yes, yes'. I've not laughed so hard in years.

[GreekStein]

I have a mate who told us how he would used to make 'shit hammocks' where he would create a bridge across the toilet seat out of several layers of toilet roll. He would then catch his turd on the aforementioned bridge and then carry the turd around in the hammock.

This is what he once told us he used to do, then shortly after we saw him emerge from the toilet with a full shit hammock. What he actually had was a bar of soap inside the toilet roll bridge to weigh it down as if it were a poo, but it was enough for about 6 of us to run out of the house in pure panic.

ahah! def gonna try this

[Woodsey]

Ok, so what do people actually do if they are confronted with no bog paper after the point of no return has been reached?

I've travelled around all sorts of shit hole countries where you will at some point get caught short, here has been my best solution so far. Use your boxers to wipe your arse and flush them down the bog too after your done, you will of course be going commando for the rest of the day/evening  

I'm open to improvements on this idea, just assume you don't have your own stash of bog paper for your answers..........

[Girgy85]

Ok, so what do people actually do if they are confronted with no bog paper after the point of no return has been reached?

I've travelled around all sorts of shit hole countries where you will at some point get caught short, here has been my best solution so far. Use your boxers to wipe your arse and flush them down the bog too after your done, you will of course be going commando for the rest of the day/evening  

I'm open to improvements on this idea, just assume you don't have your own stash of bog paper for your answers..........

Use your socks before boxers imo! You can put over your hand for a good wipe then turn inside out and dispose!

[Woodsey]

Ok, so what do people actually do if they are confronted with no bog paper after the point of no return has been reached?

I've travelled around all sorts of shit hole countries where you will at some point get caught short, here has been my best solution so far. Use your boxers to wipe your arse and flush them down the bog too after your done, you will of course be going commando for the rest of the day/evening  

I'm open to improvements on this idea, just assume you don't have your own stash of bog paper for your answers..........

Use your socks before boxers imo! You can put over your hand for a good wipe then turn inside out and dispose!

LOL good one, but in the places where this is normally required for me it is really hot, so I would be wearing sandals of some description and no socks, so that won't work..........

[Girgy85]

Ok, so what do people actually do if they are confronted with no bog paper after the point of no return has been reached?

I've travelled around all sorts of shit hole countries where you will at some point get caught short, here has been my best solution so far. Use your boxers to wipe your arse and flush them down the bog too after your done, you will of course be going commando for the rest of the day/evening  

I'm open to improvements on this idea, just assume you don't have your own stash of bog paper for your answers..........

Use your socks before boxers imo! You can put over your hand for a good wipe then turn inside out and dispose!

LOL good one, but in the places where this is normally required for me it is really hot, so I would be wearing sandals of some description and no socks, so that won't work..........

Keep a pack of man size in ur bum bag then!

[china mug]

true story from the sixties,a small hotel on the edgeware road, the early morning cleaning lady gets called into a room as the male guest wants to explain hes had a little accident but will pay for the damage ,expecting to see a whoops i wet the bed job ,....she calls the manager to view the damage and agree the damages,so they enter and are shown the damage.......   

across the ceiling down the wall across the carpet up the wall and across the ceiling again there is a line of slurry type shite.......manager says how on earth did this happen ...guest explains that being caught short after a night on the ale rather than walk up stairs and along the landing to the bath room  he decided to do his bussiness in the sink then scrape it into a bag and throw it out the window, plan working fine so far,
unfortanley not wanting it to drop just outside his window and attract blame to him he decided to whir the projectile around in a circuler motion to gain height speed and trajectory and this is when the hole in the bag came into play...

hhmmmmm
ive just realised im more knowledgeble and  better at talkin shite than poker.

[bhoywonder]

true story from the sixties,a small hotel on the edgeware road, the early morning cleaning lady gets called into a room as the male guest wants to explain hes had a little accident but will pay for the damage ,expecting to see a whoops i wet the bed job ,....she calls the manager to view the damage and agree the damages,so they enter and are shown the damage.......   

across the ceiling down the wall across the carpet up the wall and across the ceiling again there is a line of slurry type shite.......manager says how on earth did this happen ...guest explains that being caught short after a night on the ale rather than walk up stairs and along the landing to the bath room  he decided to do his bussiness in the sink then scrape it into a bag and throw it out the window, plan working fine so far,
unfortanley not wanting it to drop just outside his window and attract blame to him he decided to whir the projectile around in a circuler motion to gain height speed and trajectory and this is when the hole in the bag came into play...

hhmmmmm
ive just realised im more knowledgeble and  better at talkin shite than poker.

Brilliant...I laughed..

[thetank]

Ok, so what do people actually do if they are confronted with no bog paper after the point of no return has been reached?

I've travelled around all sorts of shit hole countries where you will at some point get caught short, here has been my best solution so far. Use your boxers to wipe your arse and flush them down the bog too after your done, you will of course be going commando for the rest of the day/evening 

I'm open to improvements on this idea, just assume you don't have your own stash of bog paper for your answers..........

It had been about 8 posts since you last mentioned how awfully well travelled you are, we were getting worried.

[Woodsey]

Ok, so what do people actually do if they are confronted with no bog paper after the point of no return has been reached?

I've travelled around all sorts of shit hole countries where you will at some point get caught short, here has been my best solution so far. Use your boxers to wipe your arse and flush them down the bog too after your done, you will of course be going commando for the rest of the day/evening 

I'm open to improvements on this idea, just assume you don't have your own stash of bog paper for your answers..........

It had been about 8 posts since you last mentioned how awfully well travelled you are, we were getting worried.

Its my hobby, I got a lot of stories, I'll shut up if you wish.........