"I've been in this game for over 40 years to give you value, I don't know why anyone would want to bet with anyone else".
I've never written these letters before but:
Fred Done DIAGF
Not a lot of people know this, but Fred had an older brother named Neil.
At the tender age of 15, Neil left the slums of Manchester and travelled to London to seek his fortune. Much to the consternation of his mother.
The six months anniversary of his leaving came and went, and having heard nothing at all from her first born, old Mrs Done was beside herself with worry.
One day, a week or two later, another young man from the neighbourhood announced his intention to move to London. Mrs Done had known this young man since birth, so she decided to approach him for help. He wasn't the brightest bulb in the candelabra, but beggars can't be choosers.
"When you get to London, would you please see if you can find my Neil for me?" She beseeched him. "I haven't heard a thing from him except for the one letter that he sent me the first week he arrived. I haven't a clue where he is, but the the postmark on the letter is London W1."
The young man promised to do his best.
Presently, after a long, hot train journey, the young man found himself on the platform of a huge station. Feeling the need to attend to a call of nature, he made his way to the men's toilets.
Once inside the toilets he noticed that the first stall had WC1 in bold brass letters on the door. Remembering his promise, he tried the handle, but the door was locked.
"Is there anyone in there?"
"Yes"
"Are you Neil Done?"
"Yes, but there's no paper"
"Well that's no excuse for not to writing to your mother in six months, you heartless bastard".
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