Diary of a MTT Grinder Wannabe

[Ant040689]

Hope u get yr money back mate

This is more like it! Cheers.

Tonight has been an odd one im up a nice amount but i feel like crap because i have been still running bad and in two spots near the end of my grind i lost focus and made a bluffing line that was never going to work and basically forfeited about $300 in prize monies i would say.

I had KQ and raised 2.4 bbs from mid pos with about 40 bbs and got a call from the sb and bb folded. Flop A103 he min bets out and i call. Turn 7. He min bets out again i raise to about 7 bbs and he calls.

Right then he has the ace and has been laying the blatant please re raise me trap, thinking because he's min betting that i would be foolish enough to put ina hefty re raise for him to just snap off. Sometimes though they really don't have it and my rr works. So when he calls the turn i give up unless i hit my gutshot. I didn't hit my gutshot with a blank river and he bets out the min bet again with quite a lot in the middle and i just jammed. I think at the time i got pissed off with a linking not running properly on youtube or something and it was a rage all in, with not much logic. Just after i did it and hindsight agrees with this that i get him off his hand 20% of the time. So risking my tourney against another huge stack is just not worth it especially on the bubble. There were 13 left i think and $800 up top. Only a small $2k gtd but these are the only ones i play really.

$350 up for the day at the moment and i am not too happy with that considering i was getting hit up the face with more variance and tilted in the situation above because of it. Otherwise i kept my composure well and got in great spots but i wasn't running very well.

I have two tourns left now that have $500 for first in each of them and it would be nice to take both down.

Oh yeh and my rakeback is coming in at the end of the month that will be a nice supplement towards my bankroll. I think i will be looking at about $450 which is always nice. Next month though i am looking to really push on in the volume stakes and aim for more rakeback and hopefully with the more play, better decisions, less tilt and more outright wins and that fucker called variance, well no one can do anything about that badass.

[Ant040689]

Out with Cos and Mitch, who i haven't met yet for some drinks and dinner.

Going to mentally prepare Cos for Vegas with my words of wisdom and a solid handshake of good luck as i bid him goodbye later on.

You should have to pay for one of those as it is +ev.

A little dissappointed that i won't be going to vegas with him this year or at all and i think it is a show of how stagnant i have been in my ways and my bankroll for the past three years. Never really pushing on at any stage and for me to really think i can make this work as a short term profession i really need to buck up my ideas. Basically no stone left unturned and playing best prepared as possible.

If that happens then i will win. It is as simple as that. I wouldn't even have to worry too much about variance as i would say my bankroll management will cover me and the increase in my roi and huge volume may make the downswinging relatively defunct on a weekly bases. As if i am playing 50 tourns a night 6 days a week and the average amount of players in the tourns are only at about 100-150 i could see myself always in the money by the end of each week. I would have to be terribly unlucky not to be in profit weekly with this routine. I think it would have to some really terrible cards or me not playing as immaculately as i could to prevent this from happening.

Regardless of me stating the above i don't really give a crap about how much i make and when i make it as long as my br isn't in trouble, i am playing within my means and i am developing my poker skills as much as possible daily. As then good times will hopefully come with that.

The talk on here with Jared Tendler helped in that he told me not to set expectations as i don't have the skills yet to be in a position to expect (i don't think many players can "expect" anyway!) but instead work on goals on how to better develop my game and then hopefully the rest will come with that. In this regard i have watched some videos on deucescracked which were good. I am trying desperately to get my HUD up and running but the postgresql is messing me about and i am also playing safely within my means. However i am yet to make the trips to the gym that i would like. I am at my all time fattest and i am a disgrace tbh. I need to tone down and get healthier to play poker for these long 10 hours spells i want to play, because being unfit can bring undue stress on the body and agitation and the concentration isn't as good so i am selling myself short every time i ring Dominos.

Starting off slowly on that front. I am playing as much cricket as possible. Now you may laugh at this as an exercise plan but i am playing two whole days on saturday and sunday and i think it is up to you how much energy you burn here. You could just waddle around the filed and run slowly between the wickets and basically have a leisurely time. However, you can also think you are Paul Collingwood and run in between overs to new fielding positions, always run the first run hard and always never give up on a ball in the filed that may or may not be going past you and over the boundary. I will be doing this for about 6 hours each day as well unless i am out as a batsman (but that won't happen!).

Looking forward to be looking upwards now with the depleted roll (fucking ftp!) to nurture it and finally get up and running for good.

[Ant040689]

Good night out with Cos and Mitch.

Chinese was nice and the pub afterwards was jokes.

They both went halves on a fruit machine, jackpotted it for £70. Laid the pound coins on the table. Thought a while about what to bet on to scoop the lot and decided it was to guess how much the food menu there was if you were to buy everything available. Mitch got the closest and binked the lot. So that was that. Was fun to watch. They also did heads or tails for their share of the chinese meal beforehand which Mitch won too. Bad night for Cos. Good times overall though

[Ant040689]

Haven't played in a while as i have been taking to cricket.

Making sure from now on my posts will be a lot less descriptive because i talk about the same things or complete bull anyway.

Back on it tomorrow with a session and a gym session and hopefully will get the HUD sorted because that is a real pain in the arse

[cambridgealex]

Good read this

[Ant040689]

Should be updating this more really

Completely aggravating run of luck playing atm. Breaking even most days and i have been privy to some very stupid plays on tilt. The reason why i am updating this less is because i haven't got that steady run going neither have i got my grind settled as the one i was settled on, of which i am a huge winner in the games, i have taken an unexpected dip in variance. So much so i have had to move down in limits and need to now re-adapt my play for that.

Got some bad news from my uni as well which was gutting, a mistake i made in admin has made it much harder for me to scrape the 2:2 i was settling for. I have re sits to do that i need to get straight 1sts in and makes about 1/4 of my whole grade. 3 pieces in total. Will be concentrating on getting that up to get the ok result in a 2:2 from uni. I know i am capable of better i just had no direction whatsoever as to a career and that made me question always why i was taking a History degree and thus made me really not want to go at it hard. I think i eventually will find my suitable career and only when i have my eyes set on it i will work to my full capability. Poker wasn't a distraction here for the poor grade, more a reaction to me being confused about why i was taking a degree.

Idiocy on my part to not sit down and re evaluate what i wanted to do after the first year of uni but external pressure from parents and family made me conform. Maybe a change of course would have been good. I think i will get back to studying hard but as i said need to wait for knowing what i want to do.

For now it is to make as much money from poker to pay my way and to do some part time work for free if necessary to get a feel of different jobs so i am actually trying to find out what i want to do instead of letting it hit me in the face, which will never happen.

I enjoy writing, and think i may take some journalism courses part time and creative writing maybe because i think i would be good at that. Need to develop my vocabulary and try to learn the tricks of the trade on that front to help fluidity and for sentences not to become too boring, like most of these posts are! Probably could just take some acclaimed books out on both subjects before i think about qualifications.

Sorry about this trail of thought here, it isn't really poker related! Going to grind hard on the getting coursework and winning monies front and just feel good about uni being over and feeling a bit more freedom. That freedom will get much more limited if i don't take my poker seriously though and lose my bankroll and have to work a 9-5. So all i am doing now is non stop work and making sure i relax from time to time to maintain sanity.

Also gym is going well. Decided some days i will just wont fancy getting out of the house, so in those occasions i hit the dumbells hard for about 30 mins twice a day, which is still a tough workout.

[redarmi]

i have taken an unexpected dip in variance.

Have you ever taken an expected one?

[Ant040689]

i have taken an unexpected dip in variance.

Have you ever taken an expected one?

Poor english on my part and didn't word it properly. I didn't expect the dip in variance to last this long and it haddn't before in the tourns i want to play. The fact that these tourns are normally only 100 man as well made me not expect it more.

[mondatoo]

What would you expect to be normal variance ? As in, how many games would you think it was normally for you to go without making a profit ?

[Ant040689]

Well i don't know tbh and that is probably a problem. It doesn't matter really if you are playing well and move down the limits accordingly

[mondatoo]

Well i don't know tbh and that is probably a problem. It doesn't matter really if you are playing well and move down the limits accordingly

In 45mans it's not too uncommon to have 1k game b/e stretches, I had a few last year and I would like to think that was when I was one of the best players at them games. There are a ton of very good mtt regs like Trigg, Middy or whoever who've grinded hard for months on end without getting a decent result.

Tbh, a few times I've thought about posting itt but didn't want to seem negative as you seem to take it as a personal attack on you so I cba. If I'm being honest with you I think you've ran like god for a little while and maybe that's made you think you are better than what you actually are, I'm not saying your bad just a lot of people can be a bit short sighted by short term results. I think what you are experiencing now is just a very small example of how brutal variance can be and many people can struggle to deal with it.

As I say I'm not looking to have a go at you and there are many people more knowlegable than me on here to get advice from if you want it. Hope it turns around for you soon, glglgl.

[Ant040689]

Well i don't know tbh and that is probably a problem. It doesn't matter really if you are playing well and move down the limits accordingly

In 45mans it's not too uncommon to have 1k game b/e stretches, I had a few last year and I would like to think that was when I was one of the best players at them games. There are a ton of very good mtt regs like Trigg, Middy or whoever who've grinded hard for months on end without getting a decent result.

Tbh, a few times I've thought about posting itt but didn't want to seem negative as you seem to take it as a personal attack on you so I cba. If I'm being honest with you I think
you've ran like god for a little while and maybe that's made you think you are better than what you actually are, I'm not saying your bad just a lot of people can be a bit short sighted by short term results. I think what you are experiencing now is just a very small example of how brutal variance can be and many people can struggle to deal with it.

As I say I'm not looking to have a go at you and there are many people more knowlegable than me on here to get advice from if you want it. Hope it turns around for you soon, glglgl.

Your right. I have taken a lot of responses on here personally when it comes to variance and expected ROI mainly because I have had a good run. My eyes are now open to what I am going to deal with for as long as I play poker and the importance lies in not lowering your standards through tilt when variance hits you hard. I am now expecting long stretches of bad runs and I won't moan about them.

I will focus more on the hands that are borderline and look for advice on here and support as well if my head is lowering.

Fair play on you not wanting to post because you thought it might rile me, because you were right, but not anymore. So I welcome more people to put their word in if you like as everything will help me plug some flaws in my game. One that I think has been plugged now is the naivity of not expecting long break even to losing spells. So many more leaks are left to fill including hasty decisions immediately after a bad beat, letting myself blind down too much when I should be open shoving a bit wider and others I may not even realise.

Cheers mondatoo.

[Cooperman]

This is a great read ant and i sincerely hope you hit your target. The guys on here are giving you a lot of sound advice,so take it in your stride and all the best for the future.

[Ant040689]

Cheers cooperman

As for this blog im sorry i haven't been keeping it up to date mainly because i haven't been playing and instead been camping out in the gym. Done my first full 2 weeks of gym sessions going once every two days and i struggled to get to playing poker as i was always exausted afterwards. That initial exhaustion is turning into feeling more energetic after a gym session though and i am now going to be able to play poker after these harsh training sessions.

However i have a holiday in 9 days time along with about 7000 words of essay to do of which has to be done to a very high quality to salvage any respect from my degree, so i might still be delaying getting back started with poker. Would rather have a first draft done on the work before i come back from hols as i will only have 2 weeks then to hand in a final copy and i wouldn't mind hiring a private tutor to iron the flaws out of it and make sure its a great piece of work.

I don't know if any of you are history and or film lecturers that could mark my work and tell me where i have gone wrong? I will be paying whoever does it but i would assume i will need to be finding these people in the yellow pages or another equivalent. I think the tutors are supposed to be on your beck and call during the summer for those retaking but i assume they will ignore e mails as they have done all they have to do in terms of helping students during term time.

Regardless i am going to make sure what i hand in is solid and can only sit back and wait then. As for the holiday i already have enough spending money to cover having a great time in Mallorca, Magaluf so should be fun.

Gonna use this next week to work as i said but also to try and get the HUD sorted which i always avoid as it is aggravating, always had problems and it is never straightforward, but the plan is to have the setup ready for the comeback as a full time pro, where i really, for a change, will have no other distractions other than developing my own poker game and concentrating on br management. That freedom of mind will do me wonders as i will be so much more relaxed. Hopefully i will eventually catapult upwards but i don't know if i can sustain this as a living for any long period of time or not. Have always did it to supplement uni and avoid me doing a sainsburys job which it has done, but to make some serious dollar im not sure i have the capability.

I do have the hard work factor in me though and the capacity to always be learning and adapting my game, i believe i can play 12 tables effectively enough to carry on playing that but i know where my weaknesses lie and it mainly is what to do to 3 bets and when to 4 bet light or when to 4 bet jam with the goods as you know they are calling, or know when to just flat call to a 3 bet. Also when to 3 bet light myself or if i should just flat call to a raise with AA to induce the other guy to commit his stack on the flop. I think i need to study this most and a lot of the answers lie in position of the raise, their history and how many chips people have relevant to the blinds.

Normally i get a good feel of what to do in these spots as i collate this information well, but its the player's history i normally stumble on as it is hard to remember what this guy has been doing with 12 tables on the go, which is why i think a HUD is so necessary and how it should give me much more confidence in my plays. Pisses me off that i have always had trouble configuring it but i think i will be so much more profitable with one that i can no longer hastily play on without one. 

[Blackbeard]

Ant, your full of shit.