Laxie Goes Primetime

[Laxie]

A yer dozy fecker. X

I agree.  Pity Jack doesn't.  

I think you've saved him just in time.  

Don't bet on it.  The eejit still thinks he's right ffs.  Just no learnin' some people.

[Laxie]

Not long home from our weekly visit to his ex mother-in-law (that's a tale in itself! lol) who's in hospital, followed by dinner in Leicester.  At dinner we talked about this diary.  It's gone stale.  I've known that with ages, but couldn't put a finger on what exactly my problem was.  Until tonight...

It's actually quite simple as it turns out.  With the big move I've put myself in a position that stifles me a bit.  I'm caught in the middle.  Don't at all regret where I am, but also won't forget what I've left behind.  If I post cheerful about current events, it looks like I've forgotten my kids which isn't the case.  If I post how much I miss them, it looks like I regret making the move which also isn't the case.  Catch 22.  Damned if I do and damned if I don't. 

Soooooooo, from here on out this is my wee corner of internet space and I'm going to be true to me here.  Read what ya like in it.  Assume all ya like.  Love it or hate it - this is me.  I've my kids on track with how I feel , so I don't need to worry about what they read here and that's all that matters.  The rest of you will just have to keep up and trust.

[Laxie]

But Jack is still totally clueless when it comes to door handles imo.

[Laxie]

Ireland.   Was there last week and long and short of it - that trip sucked.  Don't know why I thought it would be easy.  It was anything BUT. 

Sarah and I speak all the time on Skype.  She's got a heart of gold and we're grand.  Brian and I speak now and then and we're grand too.  He's 19 and doing his thing and I know it's not to do with me that we don't chat much.  Once I know he's not cross with me, it's bearable. 

Sinéad is a whole other kettle of fish though.  She's basically cut me off from the day she found out I'd met someone else.  They all know what went down to cause the split over 2 years ago, but she thought I'd eventually just forget and carry on.  She's a bit stubborn (no clue where she gets it from) and it'll take time for her to come around.  I know that, but didn't make it any easier last week. 

[Laxie]

Hitting the sack now, but will cover the whole of the Ireland trip in the morning.  About time it was done and already I feel like a ton weight's been lifted off me shoulders after discovering what had me quiet.  See ye in the a.m.

[Laxie]

Had to go to Ireland for Sarah's operation on her mouth last week.  It was nothing major, but she'd asked me to be there and I said I would.  Don't know what I was expecting to be honest.  When I was told I'd be staying in the home place, I kind of figured it'd all be ok.  But a few days before heading over, my belly said "No way it's going to be that simple." 

Tim and Sarah collected me from the airport on Wednesday.  Got big hugs from Sarah, as expected.  Mostly civil conversation from Tim too...as expected.  But something wasn't right. 

We got through the day without hassle and Bridget landed with her boyfriend that evening to keep things moving along, but still - it wasn't right.  Couldn't put my finger on just what I was feeling, but there was something very different about the vibe around the place.  You'd think when two years were spent under the same roof, sleeping on a sofa, nothing could top that in the 'odd' stakes.  But here we were topping it better than any kid could do if left alone with a container of sprinkles and a tub of ice cream.  "Ah well...it's only a few days" I thought to myself.

Thursday Sarah, Tim and I made the trip to Cork for the operation.  There were a few awkward moments while the hospital asked about contact numbers saying they'd had difficulty reaching us on mine.  Had to give them Tim's and explain that I'm on a UK number now.  Then it came time to take her in to the pre op/recovery area. 

"Only one parent allowed" said the nurse.

With that, Tim managed to manoeuvre his way past me and wrapped an arm around Sarah before I even knew what was happening.  In the past I was always the one to follow the kids in for anything like this.  But without exchanging a word, it was made pretty clear - that wouldn't be the case today.  I kept my mouth shut and took my place in the public waiting area.  God, it hurt. 

[Laxie]

I sat in the waiting room for well over an hour.  This seemed a bit odd because we'd been told once she was settled in, we'd be sent on our way and not to come back for a few hours.  I was dreading a few hours alone with Tim trying to make small talk, but already an hour had dwindled away and no clue what was happening. 

Eventually Tim landed out to tell me, "They're not operating today.  She's still too stuffed with the cold to go through with it." 

"Oh fer feck sake.  I KNEW it!  Told the pair of you last week she wouldn't be seen if that wasn't sorted."

"I know and that's all that's bothering her at the minute.  She's worried you're going to want to kill us now for making the wasted trip over."

"Sigh.  I'm not going to kill ye but I am going in to see her now.  And for the record - you ARE an eejit for not getting that cold cleared."

Off I went to see Sarah.  The poor girl was nearly in tears.  As it was, they'd kept me hanging about booking the trip with their talks of postponing the op and heading to Brooklyn, NY instead.  Got to the point where I was pretty stuffed on the airfare for this one and they knew it. 

Gave her a hug, "I'm not going to kill ya, ya eejit."

"Are you sure?  I'm sorry.  Dr. Leader said I'd be grand but they don't think I am."

"I know goose.  I knew ya weren't grand and would have been surprised if they'd gone ahead with it to be honest."

"So you're not cross?"

"Not at all.  But to be honest, I probably won't be coming back over for the re-scheduled date.  Not much point when only one parent can be with you, yeah?"

"I know.  Just glad you're not cross with us."

[Laxie]

So that was that.  It was all fun and laughs for a bit, but once it was established I wasn't going to lose the plot over their screw ups, chilly civil mode resumed.  Meanwhile, I'd barely set eyes on Sinéad.  She just about said hi as she walked past on the first day and was doing everything in her power to avoid me after that.  I'd asked Tim to have a word with her, but he reckoned she needed to come around of her own accord and there was nothing he could do to help. 

Spent most of the rest of Thursday quietly in tears as the kids were out and about with their friends.  He was in charge now and apart from Sarah, they didn't need me or want me around any more.  I was a visitor in what used to be my own home - and an unwelcome one at that.

[Laxie]

Roll on Friday.  Everything always seems a bit better after a good cry.  Least that's what I've always been told.  Well, not sure if it's true, but I was deffo better.

I'd been trying to do the 'mom' thing the first couple of days, but went on strike Friday.  Decided if they're doing so well without me, then they can carry on in that mode.  The life was being drained out of me there and it was time to claim it back.

I went about my own business for the day, packing up things I wanted to bring back with me.  I'd taken a basically empty bag over, but it wasn't huge so I had to be selective about what I wanted to include.  Into the case with one thing, out with another...it passed the day away and kept me from dwelling.

Tim landed home from work in the evening just long enough to eat, shower and head off to the pub.  He'd been doing that with a few years anyway, so nothing new there.  Sarah had gone to Killarney with friends earlier in the day and wouldn't be home til after 10pm.  I tucked into a bottle of wine and watched some telly to pass away the night on my own.  Or so I thought.

First Brian arrived on the scene.  We got chatting and were having a grand time of it.  Then, Sinéad landed.  I could smell a rat.  Sure enough, she who hadn't given me the time of day asked for spending money for her night out on Saturday.

"I'm sorry, but you've not had two words to say to me since I landed and now you want me to hand over money for your night out in the pub?  Not happening Chicka.  I'll hook you up with the shoes and or bag for your dance next month, but no way I'm paying for a night out with your mates after the way you've treated me.  Let your father be paying for it."

"I won't ask him for that money."

"That's your choice, but I won't be giving it.  Pick out some shoes or a hand bag for the dance and I'll hook ya up."

"Grandma and Grandpa are already looking after that so just give me the money."

"Well, like it or not, I'm still your mother and have a right to pass them out on this one.  I'm not giving you cash.  I'll get what you'd like or need, but it won't be cash."

With that, she got moody, Brian stepped in and pointed out the basically good deal she was getting and it all calmed down.  Before I knew it, the three of us were actually having a good laugh for the first time in a very long time.  Sarah landed home eventually and joined in with us and it was lovely.  Up to that point I'd swore I'd never go back again.  But those few hours restored my faith and I'll be back.  Just not for the re-scheduled op.

[Laxie]

What we've agreed instead, is to bring them over here in October.  Sarah is definitely making the trip.  Not sure about the other two, but they know the door is open and they know I'll understand - whatever their decision.  

Brian had a few concerns.  Said in the deepest manly voice he could muster, "I'm not going over there and having that guy telling me what I can and can't do."

"Brian, Jack has no intention of getting in the way.  I'm your mother and I'm in charge of you while you're there.  No smoking allowed in the house and you have to be respectful.  Those are the rules.  Nothing more, nothing less."

"Oh.  That's ok so."

 

Brian and Sinéad are having a think about it and will get back to me.  Teens these days!  Sigh.  

[Laxie]

Saturday morning came and Bridget carried me to the airport.  I got hugs from all three kids before I left this time.  Genuine ones too.  Made a nice change.  There's talks of Bridget making a trip over as well in the near future.  Will be great to see them all on this side of the sea.  It's finally occurred to everyone - this is for real.

I forgot to mention at the start of the trip report, but I did get a giggle when I first pulled into the village.  People were staring into the car and you could see it written all over their smug faces, "She's come crawling back.  Knew she would. Was only a matter of time"  Just a pity I didn't have someone to record those same faces when they found out I was only visiting. 

[ruholding]

what about ketchup?  that says store in the fridge and use within 6 weeks.  does anyone actually do either of those things?

always keep kethup in the fridge clawbird

[Laxie]

what about ketchup?  that says store in the fridge and use within 6 weeks.  does anyone actually do either of those things?

always keep kethup in the fridge clawbird

   Welcome to the diary

[ruholding]

what about ketchup?  that says store in the fridge and use within 6 weeks.  does anyone actually do either of those things?

always keep kethup in the fridge clawbird

   Welcome to the diary

thank you laxiebird. dont think weve ever met. my name is dick lynch and i am the best poker player in luton.  come say hi when ur in luton

[Laxie]

what about ketchup?  that says store in the fridge and use within 6 weeks.  does anyone actually do either of those things?

always keep kethup in the fridge clawbird

   Welcome to the diary

thank you laxiebird. dont think weve ever met. my name is dick lynch and i am the best poker player in luton.  come say hi when ur in luton

Deffo heard of you throughout the ramblings of those other degens on the Luton thread.  Not living too far away these days so I'll be sure to say hi next time we're there.