Football Manager and son

[flushthemout]

I have ran a Junior football team and had the kids since they were 6yrs old, Last season we won the under 9 League and made the final at the King Power stadium in a football tournament, i have made a difficult descion and wonder if any of u have any seriou thoughts on the issue.

My Son is not the best player in the team but obv turns up for training and matches and looks forward to the matches on a Sunday, he has been for the last two seasons a bit mouthy to his team mates, questioning the Referee and even going out to foul the opposition and wants to argue and fight with them, Last season he was sent off for calling the Ref a "Bloody Idiot" the Ref should have pulled me to one side and ask me to remove him from the field of play, but walked up to him and red carded him, i then banned him for 3 months, He is still battling with his team mates and now questions some of my descions on the field and goes out of position to annoy me im sure, It has now got to the stage last weekend that some of the parents are saying there children are been affected by his behaviour and attitude. I have know informed the players parents that Jack wont be playing this coming season, this has affected me bad as it wont be the same managing the team with out my Lad there, but does the team come first or is the Father Son releationship on the football field more important, ty for any input

[Ant040689]

I have ran a Junior football team and had the kids since they were 6yrs old, Last season we won the under 9 League and made the final at the King Power stadium in a football tournament, i have made a difficult descion and wonder if any of u have any seriou thoughts on the issue.

My Son is not the best player in the team but obv turns up for training and matches and looks forward to the matches on a Sunday, he has been for the last two seasons a bit mouthy to his team mates, questioning the Referee and even going out to foul the opposition and wants to argue and fight with them, Last season he was sent off for calling the Ref a "Bloody Idiot" the Ref should have pulled me to one side and ask me to remove him from the field of play, but walked up to him and red carded him, i then banned him for 3 months, He is still battling with his team mates and now questions some of my descions on the field and goes out of position to annoy me im sure, It has now got to the stage last weekend that some of the parents are saying there children are been affected by his behaviour and attitude. I have know informed the players parents that Jack wont be playing this coming season, this has affected me bad as it wont be the same managing the team with out my Lad there, but does the team come first or is the Father Son releationship on the football field more important, ty for any input

Banning a child eager to play football for what i presume to be 12 games, for calling the ref an idiot is a little extreme i think. Think the ref too is getting an unnecessary power trip from sending a 9 year old off for that as well. As you said the ref should have had a word with you and i think too that you wouldn't have banned him had he not got sent off.

Aside from that i wouldn't manage a team if i didn't want to and if including your son was the main reason you did it, hand the reigns over to someone else or have a good think as to why your son may be acting up the way he is.

Also what is your sons reaction to him not playing next season? He bothered? Tell me to shut up if you want to, not meaning to be rude with advice. I know nothing about parenting.

[flushthemout]

any advice is good sir, he aint bothered so he says, but i think its a 10yr old behaving like a teenager

[TightEnd]

wtf? He's 9?

Is this behaviour mirrored at school? home?

At 9, my opinion having coached/badged to Uefa 2 for 6 years, not only would he be out of the team, but he'd be getting sod all privileges at home for as long as it took him to treat you with a bit of respect.

I'd expect/require full back up from his Mum too (making her think its her decision first lol)

Get it out of him now, before you have a problem thats taller and bigger than you at 14.

[nirvana]

If another lad was acting out in this way, would you try to ban them from the club ?

[flushthemout]

If another lad was acting out in this way, would you try to ban them from the club ?

yes the answer, but i think he wll hate me more now

[flushthemout]

wtf? He's 9?

Is this behaviour mirrored at school? home?

At 9, my opinion having coached/badged to Uefa 2 for 6 years, not only would he be out of the team, but he'd be getting sod all privileges at home for as long as it took him to treat you with a bit of respect.

I'd expect/require full back up from his Mum too (making her think its her decision first lol)

Get it out of him now, before you have a problem thats taller and bigger than you at 14.
Yes Rich, getting to big for his boots at home but not a bad lad

[TightEnd]

If another lad was acting out in this way, would you try to ban them from the club ?

yes the answer, but i think he wll hate me more now

He'll definitely respect you for it when he's older and grown up as a better teenager/man because of it

Stick to your guns, and manage the team.

Have him back if his behaviour improves.

[flushthemout]

yes Rich, getting to big for his boots at home, pardon the pun, but he aint a bad lad

[nirvana]

Really tough situation and so hard to give useful advice.

Generally though, if it's not going to be a professional pursuit for these kids, I'm not sure how much exclusion ever really achieves with young kids.

I think I'd lean towards keeping him involved with increased/reduced playing time dependent on behaviour

[Horneris]

9 is really young, 3 months seems way too long, a month and a sit down should suffice.

Take away his TV time completely instead, far more effective method of punishment at that age.

[flushthemout]

the 3 month ban was last season after caling the ref, he is  now in pre season and friendlys ,his behavior has got worse

[TightEnd]

the 3 month ban was last season after caling the ref, he is  now in pre season and friendlys ,his behavior has got worse

are you sure there is no problem in his life? school? bullying? home?

I think I'd be looking here with a 9-10 year old

No need to post it on here obviously 

[nirvana]

I'll have a stab at answering your specific question as you asked it (in the knowledge we can't know all the ins and outs).

I think your father/son relationship should come ahead of the team by a distance. I don't think it's unusual for a son to be the most problematic in a team when their dad is the coach.

Perhaps he should move teams or you should quit the coaching of his team - hard as that may be

[Bertpup]

Have you thought about getting a Co-Manager(s)?

Our team had 3 all who's kids played on our team. None of them got special treatment in terms of selection or punishment. But the times that they put in a bad performance, did something wrong or felt unduly subjected to criticism one of the other manager dads were able to go over and explain the decision.