We have lots of functions, but the Daddy of them all is on Thursday. It kinda goes like this:
0630 - 0730 hrs - Gunfire: Commanding Officer, Regimental Sergeant Major, Squadron Officer Commandings', Squadron Sergeant Majors travel around the single soldiers accommodation waking them up. Soldiers are given a mug of 'gunfire' (tea with dark rum) from a big urn. There will probably also be a few bottles of port floating about too. *This is usually done on Xmas day when on Ops.
0700 - 0800 hrs - Breakfast: The Warrant Officers and Sergeants go to breakfast in the Mess. Accompanying breakfast will be champagne and port. Towards the end of breakfast the Officers Mess will send over their most junior officer to 'invite Sergeants Mess members to the Officers Mess' and also to challenge us to a football match*. Some messes play Rugby, but we are one of the best/most consistent rugby regiments in the army - so we play football!
* This alternates, last year we invited them into our mess,
At this point we effectively kidnap the young officer and spend the morning entertaining him and getting him drunk. The officer is also usually dressed up in some kind of fancy dress. Examples include Bomb Disposal suits, dressed in complete Officer regalia complete with sword etc etc . This year we are dressing him in a dog training suit:
| Click to see full-size image. |
We will also have a big Alsation on hand - but it will be one of the lads 'soft as muck' pets - but he'll be told its one of the war dogs (obviously left in their kennels!).
0900 - 1100 hrs Officers versus Sgts Mess Football. A tent is set up on either sideline and there is a makeshift bar in each. The match is played, with rolling subs, for the full 90 minutes. Although good natured, a few scores from the year are usually settled, and they are probably the 'most competitive games' you'll see. OK, so I've still got a deep 4 inch scar on my ankle from last year!!! To compound it all, our pitch is exposed to the elements and for the last few years there has been driving snow/hail. The regiment watches the match - and obviously the junior soldiers support us...
1100 - 1200 hrs Back to respective messes to get cleaned up and have a few beers/ports.
1200 - 1330 hrs Officers and seniors serve Xmas lunch to the junior soldiers. The junior soldiers are given a few gratis cans; there's alot of banter. The RSM always briefs how there is not to be any food fights and how pissed off he will be if there is one. There's nearly always a food fight on some level.
1330 - 1430 hrs More beer and wine in respective messes to get warmed up.
1430 hrs - 1900 hrs (or thrown out) We go to the Officers Mess. We 'deliver' our young officer back to them. We have to sing Xmas Carols to gain entry into the mess. This year there will be a mass Gangnam style variation performance along with a song taking the piss out of officers by name/appointment. We then usually have to complete some sort of trial/assault course to get into the mess. You normally get a beating of some sort on the way through and its to be expected you're getting a bloody nose. Couple of years ago we went through an assault course, up some stairs, were hooded and then took a 'confidence test' (off a balcony onto a crash mat).
The evening is then made up of games between the messes - bushtucker trials, killer pool, co-ordination type games etc with a winner being declared at the end. Obviously its always rigged in favour of the hosts. Well, at least we always make sure the officers NEVER win.
Theres then lots of drinking until a certain point where we will be asked to leave the mess.
1900 hrs - LATE We head back to our own mess and carry on the motion. I would never expect to finish before 0630 hrs; most years its about 0800 hrs I finish (we get a late start at 1000 hrs, when usually another function is close to beginning).
Its good fun, but pretty emotional!
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