It's Just a Ride

[VBlue]

Back Story - More Questions Than Answers

I grew up in Kendal, just south of the Lake District.  Small town, few big prospects.  I left school at 16 and spent two years at Preston College gaining a BTEC National Diploma and entry into Liverpool John Moores to study Computer Studies.  I went to Liverpool to escape my home and Kendal.  I inevitably pissed the twelve months up the wall, had a ton of fun, learnt nothing about computers or it's studies, and signed-on the following September.

I had to return to Kendal.  Toast three times per day was not cutting it for me.  I quickly moved out from my home again into a flat with friends and worked a catering job and some other menial jobs.  I finally found a potential career in the insurance industry at twenty-one years old and started to apply myself.  I looked to take a career step and once again get out of Kendal.  I worked in Manchester for the next five years and finally got to where I wanted to be.  I thought I wanted to be there anyway.

Two years later, after returning to Kendal to be with The Piranha and working remotely, I had quit the industry full of self-doubt, confused regret, relief, and fear.  I had thrown away £35k per annum with all the perks of a corporate career.  I had also escaped the pressures of a demanding sales role in a position which needed my full commitment, which I could not give, for some reason I still do not really know.

I stumbled through a couple of opportunities that didn't turn into all they promised; I have to be honest and say I didn't give my best in either although I know that there were many failures on the part of my employers too.  Despite that knowledge it does not sit easy with me, so I guess if I had given my best effort I would not still hold some of those feelings.

tbc...

[VBlue]

Back Story cont....

I found myself unemployed four years ago; I had been employed continuously for the previous thirteen years, since aged nineteen.  I found some part-time employment, tried self-employment, and some casual work through an agency.  Then, on my birthday, I took up a position with a local bookmakers.  I spent a couple of years working long hours for low pay in a very uninspiring company, who frankly did not know the value of their own employees.  They sold out to Coral, and I was made cluster manager for five shops in my locality.  The money was better, but the retail environment is not one I would rush back to now I have left.  I'm now working for a local firm, once again in a sales-facing role.  The hours are great, the hourly rate is decent.

When I look now at seventeen years of a working life, I don't feel like I have made progress - rather gone backwards.  I have nothing I want to strive to achieve and haven't had that feeling consistently in a job since my days in Manchester when I was a trainee wanting to get out on the road as a salesman.

I have had different ideas in that time.  There have been obstacles to overcome.  Many of them are linked to my location and ties to the area.  I ran some pub poker and events for a larger poker club in the county.  Neither were opportunities that were ever going to lead to more than a casual extra income and a hobby though.  I looked at sitting Microsoft exams and returning to computer studies as a field.  I did some study but I abandoned it for reasons I don't remember in detail - probably a job I thought I would make a go of.

It doesn't make for particularly positive reading, but it's not meant for accompaniment of the sound of violins.  I'm just giving a short but honest appraisal.

tbc...

[ruud]

In for the duration. As a fellow Kendalian, I am loving the pics.... Please post more!

I only get home a few times a year nowadays, do you know of a live game that is reasonably local?!

Ps. I really enjoy your style of writing, keep it up VB

Ruud

[VBlue]

Whoop - reply ITT.  I would really like some more interaction.  If anyone has any feelings on what would inspire others to join in, then I am all ears.  Ruud, I will get some more pics up for you over the weekend.

Have got a live game on tonight at The Albion snooker club.  Also, my mate is taking over The Fleece in Kendal this week and will be keen to get Sunday poker nights up and running again.  Other than that - Furness have a tour every Summer and I can enquire about games in Dalton (which used to run weekly with good turnout).

Then there is Carlisle and West Cumbria but there numbers are not so good these days - they are only getting between 15 and 20 for their MPP and rebuy formats.  That's why I prefer to travel to Blackpool for there £50 Friday night games.  Saturday's £30 games are not as good - self-deal for a start.

Anytime you are back let me know and I'll keep you informed of the games.

[VBlue]

No Limit Bored'em

Read a quote today 'No Limit Hold'em is hours of boredom and moments of sheer terror'.  This could not be a better opening line to this post.

I joined a thread over on pokerstrategy.com that Jared Tendler was replying to and he asked me a very good question in response to my following post to him:

"I tend to find myself treating poker as recreational time as much as anything and typically am listening to music, social networking, chatboxing, etc. Current decent results, despite not always making the most optimal plays, perhaps nurtures this attitude further.
 
I want to lose the distractions and focus on my game in the short time I do get to play and I want to split my time between playing and improving, although I too often fall into the trap of only playing due to the short sessions I have available to me."

Jared replied:

"If I'm understanding correctly, you want to:
 
1) Develop a consistent approach to learning that you can stick with over the long-term.
2) Eliminate distractions while playing.
 
Add anything if I've missed it or anything else comes to mind.
 
Couple questions for you:
 
1) What are your overall goals with poker?
2) What's the reason your motivated by these poker goals? (Basically the why you want to achieve them.)
 3) Why are you motivated to develop a consistent approach to learning?
4) Why are you motivated to eliminate distractions while playing?
5) What do you want to get out of poker, and from doing this extra work to improve?"

My reply:

"1) My overall realistic goals in poker are (and I want to use the SMART acronym in my reply) - to commit 10 hours per week with 8 hours playing time and 2 hours study time. This goal is non-monetary but focuses on what I can control which is my commitment and refers to the 80/20 rule of play/study. A secondary goal in 2013 is to look for half-a-dozen live UK tournaments and commit some playing time and bankroll to satellites or direct buy-in if bankroll allows. I am keen to experience some of the bigger live events, but I also want to target those which are affordable (buy-in/travel/expenses considered) and where I think the softer competition will be.
 
2) I think there are three main reasons why I want to achieve these goals, but the second and third probably more accurately answer question 3. The first is purely financial. I think I am intelligent enough, with the right commitment to improve, to make a decent income from what is essentially a hobby.

3) The second reason then being I enjoy playing, but I get a lot more enjoyment when I combine playing with improving my game. Thirdly, as I have already mentioned, I think this type of focus and approach will rub off on me and motivate me to work on towards some other goals in my personal life.
 
4) This is tougher to answer. I guess I am motivated to avoid distractions because when I am distracted I am not really playing poker primarily. What I am doing is killing time in the evenings and probably using poker, social networking, web surfing, listening to tunes online, as a little bit of escapism. What I want to do is to be more productive with my time and achieve a goal(s). Being distracted leaves me feeling unsatisfied as I never know whether I have given my best and I can always have that to fall back on if my results fall short or I make mistakes (I wasn't giving it my full attention so....).
 
5) To summarise then, I want to achieve financial gain from playing poker, I want to get the enjoyment from playing poker and seeing my game grow through focused and committed learning, I want the sense of achievement that comes from the improvement in my game, and finally I want this to be habit forming and to be an attitude I can take into other areas of my life.
 
Not asking too much then.
 
I'm sure there will be all sorts of different reactions to this. Maybe some people will say why not just get on with improving the other things in your life that you want to and forget about the poker. Some people might think this is all a bit of nonsense. Some people might nod and agree with parts of it.
 
I'd love to hear other opinions, whatever they are. I don't really mind baring my soul a little from time to time and I'm big and ugly enough to take others' opinions in return."
 
I have just been discussing this with someone else and wrote

"enjoyment, profit, challenge. Bankroll building too. I need to keep focusing on small improvements and setting session goals, maintaining my focus on enjoyment first and attainment of my goals also. Results will follow I know and I haven't done too badly when I look at my results overall since last September (when I started the online coaching I am doing).

I need to ensure I don't get bored and fall into the trap of doing other things whilst playing and going on auto-pilot. I have strategies to combat this, but I'm not always good at following them."

So, it seems that I am facing old problems, which I have given answers to.  I am so good at the theory of these things, but never as good at the practice.  I must print this stuff out and blow it up and stick it on the board I have behing my laptop, which has all my session goals on, and other stuff.

[VBlue]

Little Things That Can Change Your Life

I believe that to make things happen for you in life it doesn't take a huge effort, it takes a lot of small efforts directed at the things that you have immediate control over.  Whether to get up an hour earlier, go for a run, make a phone call, write a job application, etc.  On Friday afternoon, I was walking home from work at 1pm, my mind turning towards a rare evening out to go and watch a friend deliver some stand-up at a local bar.  I have made several attempts at 'writing' comedy before, mainly during drives down to the office in Manchester years ago.  It began aged nineteen when a friend and I considered a short slot we had been given at another local comedy night.  When I showed my friend what I had the feedback was that it was awful.  It was.  So, I have bottled it one way or another ever since.

By the time I had got home twenty minutes later, I had what I considered a routine that I could deliver with confidence.  I made that phone call.  When the compere for the evening didn't answer it was with a little relief.  I sent a text to tell him not to ignore my call, it was not another complaint about the burgers at his diner in town.  At 3pm I was over at Dave the Neighbour's house as he was interested in coming to the comedy night and I thought I would check if that was still the case.  I got a return call and chatted around the point for a few minutes.  I then asked 'would you have a spare few minutes for me to perform a set?'  It was a hugely enthusiastic 'Yes' as the night is supposed to encourage people who have never got up before to have a go.

At about 9pm I got my chance.  There were no nerves on my part.  I wasn't doing this for anyone else other than myself.  I purposefully wrote some anti-humour, played the bumbling idiot who had written his jokes wrongly, or for a different audience, warmed myself to the crowd by suggesting that they shouldn't worry if they didn't get it as some of it was quite high brow and they would have to work at my 'difficult' comedy to find a laugh, and that perhaps if the other comedians were laughing and they weren't then they were probably wrong.

I'm still not sure how it went but one friend greeted me immediately afterwards with a beaming grin and said how much he had enjoyed it and laughed all the way through even though he 'didn't get any of the jokes'.  Brilliant.  Almost my most sought after response.

I would love to give it another go and I think that with some practice, and some development, that a few of the jokes have some promise and could be worked into a short routine.  My delivery was not as I had in my head due to lack of rehearsal but that could easily be refined by putting in a few hours.

More importantly, it has once again awakened me to the power of taking control within your circle of influence and not spending time worrying about the things that are in the circle of concern.  It has also helped me answer some questions that I have raised in my previous few posts.  My next post here will share those.  I am taking control.  I will be working very hard to get what I want.  Poker, career, and life in general.  I am thirty-six years old and have a whole life ahead of me.  Time to go and grab it.

[VBlue]

Poker Mantra

In Month 6 of the coaching course I am taking, the material takes a break from strategy to delve into the attitude of great poker players away from the tables and in the mental game.

In the first module, a poker mantra is suggested as a way of holding yourself accountable to high standards.  I'm decided to write my own - a mission statement if you like.

It may well be a work in progress, but I wanted to get something down to work from:

1. I play poker to have fun.  The game is a challenge which if I apply myself to I can increasingly get better at.  The fun is in the thrill of the game, but also in seeing the work I have put in transfer into better play.

2. I am not concerned with the outcome of hands based on variance and therefore the results of each session.  This is outside my control and I only focus on that which I can control and I leave external concerns alone.  By committing to constant and never-ending improvement, my concerns reduce and my influence grows.
 
3. Every time I play a hand well I have increased my opportunity to get good results.  Learning to play better is the result I am looking for.  Financial results will come if I show integrity to this mantra.
 
4. By committing to the game, by giving each playing session my full attention, and by concentrating on each hand, my opponents, thinking about ranges, my table image, and the other nuances of the game, I am able to give the best account of myself that I can.  Whether I win or lose, make good or bad decisions, I know that the commitment is not lacking and therefore I will continue to improve and always play to the best of my current ability.
 
5. Coaching is an opportunity to learn new skills and access greater poker minds than my own - to stand on the shoulders of giants.  Every session is an opportunity to apply those new skills - to experiment and improve.  Every analysis session is an opportunity to learn and grow from.  

6.  This mantra gives me a chance at achieving something solely from my own commitment, effort, knowledge, skills, and ability.  To start to beat the game consistently and push on from there will make me realise that I am capable of anything I want to be.  That attitude can transfer to every other part of my life.
 

[VBlue]

A Massive Thank You

Owed to everybody who has helped me start to put this diary firmly on the map.  Sorry for mixing my tomes there.  I believe that with social networking allowing you to connect to thousands of people instantly, and with the right approach to your network, you can really build a readership with diaries and blogs.

I have relied on this method before once when writing my monthly blog and it boosted my numbers from averaging under one hundred readers to almost four hundred.  Of course, not everyone comes back for the next episode as they are merely following a Share/Like link on Facebook or Retweet on Twitter and therefore are not notified, or do not subscribe to your blog, when there are new posts.

I wouldn't want to become a pain and pester people each and every time I write, but I think you can get away with it occasionally if you are confident, well-mannered, genuinely appreciative, and hopefully provide a link to something that interests people.

A huge, massive, and very humble thank you to everyone on Twitter and Facebook who helped me give this a push.  Tikay will be able to confirm but I think I got about one thousand views since Friday.

I only joined Twitter last year and got really into it very quickly and then ran out of things to Tweet about.  I trimmed back the number of people I follow, gave some thought as to what I want from the medium, and am now back using it more again.

Skype Groups & Talking Shop

I spent a good hour or more speaking to two poker players online last night.  The first is a chap who lives down the road in South Cumbria and plays cash online with a view to quitting his full-time employment.  He was offering some thoughts on my choice to play MTTs online as a bankroll builder and was suggesting 888's STTs paying 3/6.  I 'regaled' my own experience of 6-tabling the $5 turbos a few years ago and how the small-stakes games have dried up on ipoker and 888's lack of action too.

I also mentioned that although I do need my roll to grow I firmly believe I can beat the $5 and below MTTs on ipoker and 888 and that my goal of hitting sats, playing live casino games, and UK tour qualification means that online MTTs seem like a better game to be learning my trade in.  With me now playing three nights per week on average (sometimes only two) and putting in six/seven hour sessions I think I am giving myself a chance to make a positive return.  Of course, I really need a score of a few hundred to swell my bankroll and allow me to play sats and maybe split some roll on to another site - possibly Party, PKR, or Sky.

The other lad I was talking to is a pro 5-card draw online player and has been for about three years now.  We have been talking more and more recently and he is clearly clued up on poker strategy in general and thinks about hands in a more intelligent way than myself.

I have had a go at setting up skype learning groups before.  One set-up by a fellow forum member on another site which I joined was closed down ignominiously - a scandal for another day.  I set-up a small group for fellow low-stakes STT players, but one was never out of bed in time to join the conversation and one wanted to talk about anything other than the subject matter that was important to me.  I did get on well with one lad and we swapped some hand histories, gave our views on each others play (the most valuable post-session analysis I have ever done) and talked about finding games, use of software, etc.  Unfortunately, he then dropped off the forum and to my knowledge gave up playing shortly afterwards.

More recently, I tried again to get a group going but I think I rushed in to adding people and not selecting participants carefully enough.  I want something to grow form maybe initially just two or three of us who are going to each put in as much as they take out.  I don't think it's necessary we play the same games and stakes, but that we have a similar work ethic, want to discuss some strategy, and also have a real thirst to understand more about the wider game including things like software use, mental game, etc.

Standing Up Again

I have been asked back to perform some comedy again and will be doing so in about six weeks time.  This is a chance to work on my material and my style, practice, and aim for a more polished performance and routine.  Looking forward to it.

Top Boy

Ashley Walters (Asher Dee from So Solid Crew and star of the excellent Bullet Boy) in a "thrilling and raw four-part drama about young lives lived on the edge in east London - an honest and gripping rendition of inner-city drug and gang culture".  Broadcast in late 2011 and now on 4oD.  Anyone wanting a new TV show to fill a few hours of their time should take a look at this typically great quality Brit drama.

[VBlue]

Staking

An obvious way out of my bankroll problems would be to get staking.  I have a mate who is living locally again for a short while, whilst he recovers from an illness.  He was at Uni for a few years and started playing at the local casino.  He seems to have gone from being a bit of a cash game donk to making a quite decent return live and online.  He says he may have a coaching position for Zoom coming up with an online staking business.  I don't want to say more than that at this stage.

It got me looking into the options there and I may just about qualify for the minimum requirements and am fairly confident I can put in an application with some conviction showing my determintation and commitment to improving and getting good results.

I then started to look into another option with Pocarr.com and it has just got the brain-matter working on the thought of going down this route for a while to give myself a foot up in building a roll and maybe getting some live staking further down the road.

Of course, Zoom is not my game but I could definitely see advantages in playing some cash at least.  They always say that good cash players make decent tourney players as the game has much more to it, especially post-flop.  I really like the Black Belt Poker sponsorship route but would need to put in much more volume than I can see myself manging anytime soon, not to say I wouldn't consider it further down the road also.

Does anyone else have any experience of staking of this kind or any other suggestions or comments?

[chelseaboy]

Staking

An obvious way out of my bankroll problems would be to get staking.  I have a mate who is living locally again for a short while, whilst he recovers from an illness.  He was at Uni for a few years and started playing at the local casino.  He seems to have gone from being a bit of a cash game donk to making a quite decent return live and online.  He says he may have a coaching position for Zoom coming up with an online staking business.  I don't want to say more than that at this stage.

It got me looking into the options there and I may just about qualify for the minimum requirements and am fairly confident I can put in an application with some conviction showing my determintation and commitment to improving and getting good results.

I then started to look into another option with Pocarr.com and it has just got the brain-matter working on the thought of going down this route for a while to give myself a foot up in building a roll and maybe getting some live staking further down the road.

Of course, Zoom is not my game but I could definitely see advantages in playing some cash at least.  They always say that good cash players make decent tourney players as the game has much more to it, especially post-flop.  I really like the Black Belt Poker sponsorship route but would need to put in much more volume than I can see myself manging anytime soon, not to say I wouldn't consider it further down the road also.

Does anyone else have any experience of staking of this kind or any other suggestions or comments?

I dont have any advice on this matter, but I find myself in a similar position. I am currently seeking a staking opportunity to both develop my game further and to build a bankroll where my liferoll doesnt get effected.

I hope this all comes good for you, I am an avid reader of your posts and your methodical approach to the game. Very interesting to see how you have digested TMGOP.

[VBlue]

Ah - nice one.  I seriously am grateful to everyone who reads and especially to people who take time to comment - I can afford to be as hardly anyone does, but I think that's because I have done so much external promotion of the diary that most who read are non-blondes.  I think there is more than four.

The other part that I hope to achieve other than just as a medium to tell my story is to involve.  If I get any further with the staking conversation on Zoom or with the other options I'd be happy to discuss it with you.

Unfortunately, TMGOP work took a back seat whilst I figured out what I am doing more.  I got some more feedback from Jared over on another forum thread he is active on and just returned to since TMGOP2 has been finished.  The feedback was excellent of course and dialogue continues.

I am going to try and pre-order for purposes of trying to win the 1:1 coaching session lottery for all who do.  Just need to wait for payday due to cash flow.  Must re-check the closing date but think its month end, so I will be OK in that case.  Will be getting back to the methodical work through book 1 before book 2 arrives, although I think I have made some strides on my own I know it is key to keep working at it as you would your game.

Still got two recordings of online coaching sessions to listen back to, one of which I took part in but had to bail half-way through due to a personal incident that required my attention.  I did get some answers to my own questions in that session.  I'm still pretty astounded that I have got access directly to such an expert in his field for next to no financial outlay.  Love the poker world for opportunities such as this and the work people like Barry Carter and Neil Channing have done with Jared to make these opportunities happen.  Very generous of Jared to give his time too.

[VBlue]

Goldenballs

I'm not interested in turning this diary into a place for NVG.  I'll leave that to the 2p2 trolls.  However, I have been following a rather public affair which was Tweeted to thousands of followers and inevitably followed by the 2p2 thread.  I have got better things to do with my time than sit around idly gossiping, though not to spend an hour trawling through the thread itself it seems.  In amongst all the usual brain-fart comments from the frat boy element on there there is the occasional piece of comedy gold - the photo-shopped pic of Greg Raymer with Liv is pretty decent.

The interest for me came from a discussion which sprung from Liv's action on the afternoon quiz show hosted by king of quiz shows, Jasper Carrot.  The man hasn't even been on TV doing his main job of being funny for a good ten years so how he got this gig is a mystery.  The naysayers were suggesting that Liv has revealed her character to all by the fact that she revealed a golden 'Steal' ball when her compatriot/opponent in the end game decided to 'Split'.  For the uneducated this means that Liv left with the entire ~£7k prize rather than half had she also shown a 'Split' instead.

Where do I being with this?  Firstly, is it not a little, or perhaps a lot, hypocritical of people who not only play a game for real money which preys on and exploits the weaknesses of others, involves a huge amount of deceit, and ultimately could be ruining the financial life of someone else in order for their own to prosper?  

Secondly, the game did not require anyone to put up any buy-in; both Liv and her opponent were playing for money presumably stumped up by the TV show which was a small slice of their advertising income.  So, the unfortunate gentleman came with nothing and left with nothing, other than perhaps a sour memory of the day at worst.  If he left with worse than that perhaps he should not have gone on the show in the first place.  The rules were explained to all and the gameplay involved is clear to all too.  

Liv did not know for sure that someone who entered a game which is based on deception would prove themselves to be willing to compromise rather than take the slightly more obvious decision to try and outwit the other person and take the whole pot.  Or maybe that's just us poker players who think like that.  

Seriously, it's like me entering a poker tournament and being berated for bluffing someone HU at  the end to win a huge pot and effectively the tournament when we could have done a deal and split it 50/50.

Addictions and Dreams

Some people get addicted to drugs.  Some get addicted to gambling.  Some are called workaholics - I don't know if that is classed as being addicted to work; I have never heard it described in that manner.  One thing addiction seems to be about is a high.  We all will have experienced that high playing poker.  We will all have experienced the low, or the crash, or possibly even the regret post-session when things have not gone well and we have lost or played really badly, or maybe just been playing without passion.  

I had the high last week of the clarity of my goals, then a poor session on Sunday night where I tried to implement some things I have been listening to in my coaching sessions.  I posted a few hands on the PHA boards; I had done the right things at the wrong time.  I already new the answers I would get but needed affirmation.  Then it dawned on me.  Every time I make a mistake I am one step closer to the right answer - not a quote I came up with but a well-worn one although I forget from whom.  If I don't experiment and try new things I will just be stuck playing the same tight-aggro ABC game I learned years ago.  So every cloud does have a silver lining.  I now can see how it is advantageous to make mistakes, how I have learned from the experience, and how this is part of the path to improving and achieving my dreams.  And I have been starting to dream much bigger of late.

I have also been actually dreaming about poker these last couple of nights.  Not sure how I played the hand, I don't recall it well enough to post on the PHA boards.

[Acidmouse]

The problem was with the GoldenBalls is the fella was really honest, open chap. They both agreed and opened up about what it meant to them to get some money. When she stabbed him in the back is was very embarrassing and you could see she was shrinking in her chair..

Game or not, it's a telling character reference for her.

[RED-DOG]

The problem was with the GoldenBalls is the fella was really honest, open chap. They both agreed and opened up about what it meant to them to get some money. When she stabbed him in the back is was very embarrassing and you could see she was shrinking in her chair..

Game or not, it's a telling character reference for her.

If you and I ever get on there Acid, I will split it with you, honest.

[dreenie]

The problem was with the GoldenBalls is the fella was really honest, open chap. They both agreed and opened up about what it meant to them to get some money. When she stabbed him in the back is was very embarrassing and you could see she was shrinking in her chair..

Game or not, it's a telling character reference for her.

Have to agree with this I'm afraid. The guy points out to his wife and kids in the audience, u can tell (if u have any instinct whatsoever), this guy is genuinely going to split. I understand the game and can see where your coming from in a way, obv they all know the score before they go on, but I strongly agree with one of the posters on 2+2 - he said something like, he would rather take split everytime to make sure both ppl leave happily with a bit of money. On some occasions he will walk away with nothing, but he will sleep at night.

Amazing to see the posters on there saying the same things about her over and over, I always thought she was well liked.