Jokes that NEVER go unsaid at a poker table

[cambridgealex]

player wins a hand and forgets to muck his hand, dealer asks for the cards, "oooh can i not keep them"

a player flops a set of 10's for example, 5 hours later the player is in a pot and the flop comes 10 x x, someone says "ooooh have you got your 10's again"

Think this wins the thread.

Literally everytime these jokes are used!

[Ant040689]

When someone says "waheyyyyy" after they say any corny joke at the table, it seems to get me. Guilty pleasure.

I do too enjoy the awkward tension that arises after someone says a corny joke and it doesn't go down well, I normally start laughing, the joke teller thinks he's great and continues the awkward pursuit and now I have my short term entertainment.

This isn't a joke I hear often but it caught me completely out of the blue. I was playing in Ireland with Padraig Parkinson in a tourn and we both had to wait on an open raiser to decide what amount to put forward, middle stages of the comp, he's now taken about 20 seconds which is pretty long, was in the process of getting the chips together, picking up every denomination going.

Mr. Parkinson then said, "I think he's going to bet". Had me in stitches.

Maybe a "you had to be there", but my best laugh at the table.

[mulhuzz]

player wins a hand and forgets to muck his hand, dealer asks for the cards, "oooh can i not keep them"

a player flops a set of 10's for example, 5 hours later the player is in a pot and the flop comes 10 x x, someone says "ooooh have you got your 10's again"

These are so tilt.

[OverTheBorder]

Couple yesterday, 8 high flop, player leads for 8 "ohhh 8 for an 8?"

Guy sits at table with KP nuts, queue several "watch guys, he's got the nuts" comments

[JK]

Skalie really is the master of these sarcastic poker jokes

Gosney has a way of taking the piss out of people in away that makes them think he is a miserable bastard

FYP

:O Gosney is NOT a miserable bastard!!!!! He's the biggest legend who's ever lived!!!!!!!

"I refuse to enter a war of witts with a man who is clearly un-armed"
"Either give me an ear exam or shut the fuck up" (after someone berated this ear doctor after a hand once lolol)

He once told me a story about him white-water rafting down the Zambezi river, which I'm not 100% sure I buy....

I LOVE dealing to Lawrence more than literally anyone. Its so funny having a neutral point of view for his hijinks. Sooooo good.

Was dealing to him once in the Goliath. He sits down and some French guy immediately starts eyeing him up. Lawrence literally hasnt looked at him, (Hes in 9, frenchie in 7) and says "You want an autograph kid or just the photo?". He then gets in a hand where he raises UTG+1 (frenchies BB) and Frenchie immediately asks what hes playing behind. Before I had a chance to reply, Lawrence replies "Wait your turn kid, all these other people might want to ask first". Then folds to Frenchie, who asks again. Lawrence raises his arm slowly, giving a full view, and immediately places it down. Frenchie goes on raging tilt and asks me to call the floor as he hasnt had a proper view. Floor actually laughs at the situation, which makes me laugh, which makes the whole table start crying with laughter. Except the Frenchie, and of course Lawrence, who looks nonplussed.

His only comment that gets old is the "If you raise my big blind, Ill seriously consider doing fuck all about it". I laughed so hard the first time I heard it, but I must have heard it 50+ times now lol.

My absolute hero <3

[vegaslover]

Not a joke but players that say something along the lines of "If you raise my blind again i'm calling not matter what cards I have"

[kinboshi]

"I need a specific flop please dealer."

[Mitch]

One of the best ones ive heard in a while.

Quite original too!

http://blondepoker.com/forum/index.php?topic=60750.0

[titaniumbean]

vnh mitchellina

[smashedagain]

i think if he can get it and is that good then why not.

love Gosney tales JK

[Sulphur man]

"I need a specific flop please dealer."

Kinboshi punchline this one.

Players that say "Its always the flop after the hand"

[AndrewT]

Entire thread is reason why internet poker is so popular.

[rfgqqabc]

Entire thread is reason why internet poker is so popular.

+1

Also, a dealer on friday night kept saying "Ten to call" and I couldn't tell if she was making that joke or not. Couldn't decide whether to be tilted or not.

[david3103]

Entire thread is reason why internet poker is so popular.

With the chat switched off I guess. Being invited to "die of AIDS" is no substitute for any of the 'irritating' jokes on here.

Poker may not be a social game, but there's no reason why it shouldn't be sociable. Some of the jokes on here are more akin to catch phrases which form part of the rituals of the game and can help to generate an enjoyable atmosphere at the table. If it's enjoyable then losers reload, or re-enter, or return. If it's not enjoyable maybe they don't.

[kinboshi]

When you have a good table, then there's plenty of decent banter that more than compensates for the clichéd phrases.  That's why live poker is becoming more and more popular.