Tickets Please!

[The Camel]

I can't believe I haven't heard this story before:

[rinswun]

Haha, great story, brilliantly told.

I do love cricket sledging. The Flintoff/Tino Best exchange is a classic.

[horseplayer]

Glenn McGrath (bowling to portly Zimbabwean chicken farmer Eddo Brandes):
“Hey Eddo, why are you so fucking fat?”
Eddo Brandes: “Because everytime I make love to your wife, she gives me a biscuit…”

[horseplayer]

Ricky Ponting & Shaun Pollock. After beating the bat with a couple of deliveries, Pollock told Ponting: “It’s red, round & weighs about 5 ounces.”
Ponting hammered the next ball out of the ground and retorted: “You know what it looks like, now go find it.”

[horseplayer]

McGrath to Ramnaresh Sarwan: “So what does Brian Lara’s dick taste like?”
Sarwan: “I don’t know. Ask your wife.”
McGrath (losing it): “If you ever fucking mention my wife again, I’ll fucking rip your fucking throat out.”

[horseplayer]

Mark Waugh standing at second slip, the new player (Adam Parore) comes to the crease playing and missing the first ball.
Mark – “Ohh, I remember you from a couple years ago in Australia. You were shit then, you’re fucking useless now”.
Parore- (Turning around) “Yeah, that’s me and when I was there you were going out with that old, ugly slut and now I hear you’ve married her. You dumb fucker”.

[TightEnd]

short, but sweet

[rfgqqabc]

Mark Waugh standing at second slip, the new player (Adam Parore) comes to the crease playing and missing the first ball.
Mark – “Ohh, I remember you from a couple years ago in Australia. You were shit then, you’re fucking useless now”.
Parore- (Turning around) “Yeah, that’s me and when I was there you were going out with that old, ugly slut and now I hear you’ve married her. You dumb fucker”.

"at least I'm the best in my family another Waugh related classic

[Teacake]

Mark Waugh standing at second slip, the new player (Adam Parore) comes to the crease playing and missing the first ball.
Mark – “Ohh, I remember you from a couple years ago in Australia. You were shit then, you’re fucking useless now”.
Parore- (Turning around) “Yeah, that’s me and when I was there you were going out with that old, ugly slut and now I hear you’ve married her. You dumb fucker”.

"at least I'm the best in my family another Waugh related classic

Known as Afghan I believe when he was younger, the forgotten war.

Gotta love big Merv btw.

[craigbetts]

A few years ago I was captain of my base Cricket team. Early on in the season we played a team from Marham in the leagues 20/20 competition.

For a number of reasons, the main being the distance, we travelled with 2 to 3 cricketers on the bus and the rest of the 10 in total were lads I had talked into playing. I was a stickler for fulfilling all fixtures. The plan was to win the toss and to bat and get it over with quickly. Disaster happened when I lost the toss and they decided to have a blast whilst racking up 260 or so, needless to say we decided that we had spent an awfully long 20 overs in the field and decided to give them some catching practice and get on the road. Post match their skipper said to me in the most condescending manner ever 'thanks for turning up'.

Roll on till the end of the year and we had only lost one in the league and welcomed Marham back for a winner takes all league fixture. I had this one fixture on the calendar for an age and I had full selection of my first team. Batting first we piled it on, our keeper who had been forced to bowl in the 20/20 fixture and had been carted all around the park took great pleasure in telling their loud mouthed bowlers not to bowl 'that sh**' at him as he dispatched the ball over their heads into the adjoining woods. We put on 180 for the 3rd wicket in 20 overs or so and posted a score a few runs short of 300 in our rain affected 38 overs.

Despite a strong start from their top order and being on course after 20 overs we finally removed their danger man and made our way through the rest of their XI. We won easily and despite our lads being very vocal in the field, I kept focussed and made sure we whittled them out, clapped them in and kept our heads high. The lads had been vocal in the field and the other 2 who played the 20/20 were at the heart of it, the keeper being very central and vocal! However, the only time I had a dig was when I shock hands with their skipper at the end and said 'Thanks for turning up, safe trip home', in my most condescending voice possible! I loved it!!

The year after we won the regional and national 20/20 title. oi oi

[Tal]

short, but sweet

Best part of that is KP's cleverly disguised hand gesture.