back exfoliation and moisturising. .....

[teamonkey]

As a sufferer of hayfever I rarely venture out in the summer months, however I am half way through a desensitisation program and last weekend lay out in the garden on the lawn, with my wife, and let the sun's rays hit my pasty white skin for a while.
Wife was reading so I fired up a game of poker on my phone and entered an mtt. 2 hours and a min cash later we went in and my wife noticed a certain lobsteresque quality to my back skin.

I'm now at sea on an oil rig and don't have the wife with me to carry out her "tick bird" duties so want to know how to best go about carrying out a self skin shedding, similar to what a snake has to do, but without any convenient tree bark to assist in the matter.

Any thoughts?

Ps, my back is now no longer so painful that I cant lie down on it without crying, I'm at the slight wimpering stage similar to a small puppy who sees his dinner bowl but cant quite get to it

[AndrewT]

Surely you have a close fried on the rig who could help out - I assume you guys have 'rig wives' in the same way lags have 'prison wives'

[RED-DOG]

Just stroll around the rig canteen shirtless. Skin flakes are guaranteed to fly off into everyone's dinner.

EDIT

Those that don't will be knocked off in the ensuing fight.

[teamonkey]

Surely you have a close fried on the rig who could help out - I assume you guys have 'rig wives' in the same way lags have 'prison wives'

Unfortunately as ROV types we don't always stay on the same rig trip after trip so never get chance to "bond" in that way.

And I've grown out of the one night stand mentally now I'm approaching very very early middle age

[Laxie]

Tea tree gel is the abso nuts for sunburn.  Forget all those tales about the goodness of aloe vera.  It'll heal the burn and even cuts down on the post sun shedding.

Only other option is to use a hand towel long enough to grab from each side.  Same motion as if you were drying your back after a shower, except bunch the towel up a bit and rub like a mad man.  Won't help with healing, but it'll get the dead skin off yer back.  

[teamonkey]

I have an awesome pic of my back I want to share, however not able to just yet due to offshore interwebs.

Will try to remember when im home, be warned though, it's not pleasant

Mick

[teamonkey]

cropped the picture to see if the rig net will upload it

[Laxie]

Oh dear.  Find a towel and get rubbing ffs!  You're gone way past any kind of saving with lotions or gels.

[teamonkey]

Took that pic on saturday morning i think, just after i woke up.

Felt something brushing my back so went into the shower room, saw it in the mirror and had to take a photo!!!!!

not proud of getting myself in that state in the least, but sort of like it in a perverse fashion, might change my name to lizardmonkey!

Most of it has now gone, been scrubbing plenty, rubbing my back against various objects and enjoying it like an elephant in a semi catatonic haze of bliss.

And next time i'll be sure to get the sun lotion on!!!

Mick

[snoopy1239]

Thought this was a thread about black exploitation at first.

[Tal]

Click to see full-size image.

[paulhouk03]

Fine sand is good for exfoliation