Am currently playing a £40 comp at Broadway and am sharing a table with two chaps who are so perfectly as described in the OP, I think BadBeat has actually paid two local actors to seek me out.
"Oh mate, you've just joined the weirdest table", number one opens. He then proceeds to slag off the play of one of the players at the table's play in 'MTTGrinderSpeak', while number two is multitabling on his 'phone on Stars.
I could play Willy Waving Bingo and tick off the comments as they are made: re-float, c-jam, tilt range...
But I intend instead to get the rest of the table talking, in the hope that these two are - as I expect - entirely normal, nice guys and are perfectly capable of joining in with a bit of fun on a Friday night.
Also, while I'm typing this, one of them just said "do you read Neil Channing's blog?" and I can't be bothered to re-write this more favourably.

The other one just laughed, so I assume he does.