I received an email from FullTilt tonight warning me about abusing my chatbox privileges. It told me that 'calling names' and 'harassing' players is not allowed. And it quoted what I had typed as evidence (see below).
What actually happened is that a player was very rude to me after I beat him in a pot. And I responded in the following way:
Does your mum know you use language like that?
I am going to tell her... she is here with me right now.
She can't respond though I'm afraid.
Because she has her mouth full.Which I thought was rather funny tbh, although some may disagree.
Anyway, I wrote a long email response to FullTilt, and thought I'd share it with you:
Dear Jennifer,
I assume there has been a mistake. I was neither harassing anyone, nor calling anyone names at the table!
If you carefully re-read the exact wording of what I typed you will notice that in fact I did not say anything wrong/offensive at all. There is surely nothing offensive about saying I will tell someone's mum that they use abusive language? Neither can there be anything wrong with saying that his mum is here with me now. And finally, what is wrong with saying that she has her mouth full? We all get hungry sometimes, and I have myself been known to cram far too much ham and cheese toastie into my mouth from time to time. Gluttony is a sin, but it one of the minor sins in my opinion.
I don't know what kind of tawdry mind you have Jennifer, but you have obviously jumped to certain conclusions about what I was inferring. Shame on you.
Okay, okay... I am only joking! I will come clean. I admit that I did intend to infer that his mum was engaged in ... I blush to even type the words ... pleasuring me, whilst he spent his valuable time harassing me in the chatbox. And I feel utterly ashamed of myself, particularly as you - no doubt an upstanding lady of innocence and virtue - have had the misfortune to read the shameful words I wrote.
Being a little more serious now Jennifer. I was merely responding with humour to an unpleasant person who was being rude to me in the chatbox. If you look at the full chat log then you will see that HE was the one abusing me, not the other way round. At the risk of sounding like a schoolchild... he started it. I was merely responding.
Now granted, my response was a little politically incorrect. Your Mum jokes are of course rather juvenile, and perhaps a little sexist. But it is really just a funny way of putting down someone who berates me, rather than the other way round. And it is pretty funny too, you must admit. Surely you must admire the comedic device, even if you are not personally a huge fan of the subject matter.
My response was meant to be playful and light-hearted, and to teach a gentle lesson to the guy that it is not okay to abuse someone in chat. I tried to do it with humour rather than getting into a big war of words with him.
But rest assured, I will refrain from using this humorous retort next time I am berated in the chatbox. I will try to think of something else to say in response instead. It probably won't be as effective in getting offenders to desist from their textual beastliness. Neither will it be as funny. But I promise that I will never again type what I did.
By the way, have you any ideas for a witty retort that I could use instead? Preferably something that is funny and playful, yet puts the chat abuser firmly in his place, and makes him realise that I am not someone to be messing with. If you have any ideas please let me know. I would love to hear back from you.
Kindest regards, sincerest apologies, and lots and lots of love.
Stu
P.S. As a further apology I am including a link to a very funny YouTube clip of Jimmy Carr (yes, the evil tax evader) putting down a heckler at one of his shows. It is on a related theme. I hope you enjoy it and that it gives you a giggle at work and brightens up your day.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PioR66L8Hq0P.S.S. Since I have apologised from the heart, do you think it may be possible to turn off the Doomswitch on my FullTilt account? I suspect that the person in charge of turning the switch on and off has forgotten about my account, and has left the switch in a permanent on position. Also, it seems that he has turned the setting all the way up to TOTAL DOOM. Which I think is a little harsh. Fair perhaps, given my dastardly chatbox misdemeanors. But definitely harsh. Morale really is at an all time low right now and I worry that, with the distraction of humorous chat banter now denied to me, it may soon reach rock bottom. Will you please look into it if I promise to behave myself in the chatbox and not to bombard you with any more YouTube links? It would really mean a lot Jennifer. Thanks so much xxx
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