Blonde jokes

[ifm]

Optimistic Mayo man 35, seeks blonde 20 year old double-jointed supermodel who owns her own brewery and has an open-minded twin sister.

Love that one!!

[Claw75]

A couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things.
 
They decide to go to the doctor for a checkup. The doctor tells them that they're physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember.
 
Later that night while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair.
 
His wife asks, "Where are you going?"
 
"To the kitchen" he replies.
 
"Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?"
 
"Sure."
 
"Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?" she asks.
 
"No, I can remember it."
 
"Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too. You'd better write it down because you know you'll forget it."
 
He says, "I can remember that! You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries."
 
"I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that, so you'd better write it down!" she retorts.
 
Irritated, he says, "I don't need to write it down, I can remember it!
 
Leave me alone! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream - I got it, for goodness sake!" Then he grumbles into the kitchen.
 
After about 20 minutes, the old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs.
 
She stares at the plate for a moment and says - "Where's my toast?"

[PointsUp]

I might aswell join in




A  Blondes Year in Review

January  - Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight.

February  - Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print
labels.....Helllloooo!!!.....bottles won't fit in  typewriter!!!

March - Got really excited.....finished jigsaw  puzzle in 6
months.....box said "2-4 years!"

April - Trapped on  escalator for hours.....power went out!!!

May - Tried to make  Kool-Aid.....wrong instructions....8 cups of water
won't fit into those little  packets!!!

June  - Tried to go water skiing.....couldn't find  a lake with a slope.


July - Lost breast stroke swimming  competition.....learned later, the
other swimmers cheated, they used their  arms!!!

August - Got locked out of my car in rain storm.....car  swamped because
soft-top was open.

September - The capital of  California is "C".....isn't it???

October - Hate M & M's.....they are so hard to peel.

November - Baked turkey for  4 1/2 days.....instructions said 1 hour per
pound and I weigh  108!!!

December - Couldn't call 911....."duh".....there's no  "eleven" button
on the stupid phone!!!

What a  year!!

 

[thetank]

Kool Aid =

911 =

  for being too Yankee.

[PointsUp]

 


Oops, Should've edited it.

erm ?? Lemsip ?

and no 99 button on her phone

Hmm... Doesn't work