JEN IN SWEDEN

[snoopy1239]

Hey guys!

Jen's playing in the €1,000 Norwegian Championships Main Event.

Go check it out...

NORWEGIAN CHAMPIONSHIPS - LIVE UPDATE

Come join in the fun... I need some company.

[graeme]

In Sweden for the Norwegian championships? The world's gone mad. There's a bloke in another thread who puts salad cream on fried egg sandwiches ffs! I need a lie down . . .

[The Truth]

In Sweden for the Norwegian championships? The world's gone mad. There's a bloke in another thread who puts salad cream on fried egg sandwiches ffs! I need a lie down . . .

For years the Italian Championships were held in Slovenia - PS doesn't everyone put salad cream on their fried eggs?

[M3boy]

It still is Davey!!

[Ironside]

In Sweden for the Norwegian championships? The world's gone mad. There's a bloke in another thread who puts salad cream on fried egg sandwiches ffs! I need a lie down . . .

For years the Italian Championships were held in Slovenia - PS doesn't everyone put salad cream on their fried eggs?

nope again its HP

[graeme]

In Sweden for the Norwegian championships? The world's gone mad. There's a bloke in another thread who puts salad cream on fried egg sandwiches ffs! I need a lie down . . .

PS doesn't everyone put salad cream on their fried eggs?

No. Salad cream is the devil's phlegm

[Ironside]

In Sweden for the Norwegian championships? The world's gone mad. There's a bloke in another thread who puts salad cream on fried egg sandwiches ffs! I need a lie down . . .

PS doesn't everyone put salad cream on their fried eggs?

No. Salad cream is the devil's phlegm

wouldnt go hat far i like it in my tuna rolls

[graeme]

Dear Iron and The Truth, this is obviously a cry for help. Consider it answered. I realise we don't know each other but it's often better to talk about your problems with a stranger, so:

STEP 1: Move away from the jar. Leave it somewhere visible and say, over and over, 'I don't need you, you will only hurt me. I don't need you, you will only hurt me . . . ' The devil is watching, but don't be afraid

STEP 2: When you feel strong enough, empty the jar into the bin. Watch the vile sludge slide and ooze over all the other gunk. Disgusting, isn't it? Stick to the original chant for now

STEP 3: OK, the craving's starting to bite hard now and you can hear the devil coughing up another batch. STAY STRONG. If the original chant is no longer effective try: 'You ruin nice things, I don't need you.' SAY IT LOUD!

STEP 4: Aversion therapy now. Whenever you think of s***d c***m imagine something that you find unpleasant. I know it's difficult since you have developed a taste for the most putrid substance known to man, but you have to try. DIG DEEP and really use your imagination. How about Jade Goody in a thong? That always works for me

STEP 5: IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT. Self-esteem is clearly an issue here, otherwise why would you pollute yourself in such a destructive way. Remember: THE DEVIL IS CUNNING. He caught you at a weak moment and somehow convinced you that his noxious sputum was actually quite tasty with certain foods. Admit that you were fooled. You sometimes have to hit the bottom before you bounce back up.

STEP 6: You are not alone. There are support group all over the country. Phone 0666 666 666 to find the one in your area. Each group operates the 'buddy system'. If you feel yourself starting to crack, someone will meet you anywhere you want and bring proper food with them, like a fried egg roll and TOMATO KETCHUP! Or a tuna roll with nothing else. REMEMBER AND REPEAT: tuna is tasty enough on its own. It needs no toxic condiments

STEP 7: If you feel strong enough, test yourself. Go to the supermarket and the aisle where the s***d c***m lurks. Take a deep breath and laugh. Don't worry about the strange glances and people tiptoeing past looking frightened. Shout as loud as you can: HOW COULD ANYONE EAT THAT CRAP?! Do it a minimum of three times then tell the security guards you were leaving anyway

STEP 8: Buy a jar of s***d c***m. I know what you're thinking, but it's important that you become like normal people as soon as possible. Now, norma. people buy s***d c***m because they think they want it but it actually just sits in the fridge then gets slung in the bin after about a year. You must do this, too. Remember: JADE GOODY IN A THONG, JADE GOODY IN A THONG

STEP 9: Congratulate yourself. You've done so well to come this far and we're nearly there. You feel better don't you? You get the odd craving but nothing you can't handle. The jar has been in the fridge unopened for a while now and you actually feel vaguely nauseous when you look at it. YOU'RE ALMOST NORMAL AGAIN!

STEP 10: A dangerous time. You think you've got the problem, er, licked but always remember: Once a s***d c***m eater always a s***d c***m eater. Don't get blase. Test yourself again. But not at the supermarket. That restraining order is legally binding, you know.

STEP 11: You feel great. You've almost managed to cheat the devil and get your life back on course. True, you're still smoking, drinking and chopping out six lines of coke an hour but all are preferable addictions. Don't let anyone tell you different. They are wrong and have also been tricked by Beelzebub

STEP 12: WE'RE THERE. You feel a mixture of relief and jubilation. You can now watch others eating salad cream (it's okay, you can say it now) and wisely shake your head. Always remember: you were one of the lucky ones. There are still so many lost souls in the world who think salad cream is 'quite tasty'. Perhaps you too could become a counsellor and help others? Have a celebratory injection of skag and thank your lucky stars. Finally, life is good . . .

[Nem]

Dear Iron and The Truth, this is obviously a cry for help. Consider it answered. I realise we don't know each other but it's often better to talk about your problems with a stranger, so:

STEP 1: Move away from the jar. Leave it somewhere visible and say, over and over, 'I don't need you, you will only hurt me. I don't need you, you will only hurt me . . . ' The devil is watching, but don't be afraid

STEP 2: When you feel strong enough, empty the jar into the bin. Watch the vile sludge slide and ooze over all the other gunk. Disgusting, isn't it? Stick to the original chant for now

STEP 3: OK, the craving's starting to bite hard now and you can hear the devil coughing up another batch. STAY STRONG. If the original chant is no longer effective try: 'You ruin nice things, I don't need you.' SAY IT LOUD!

STEP 4: Aversion therapy now. Whenever you think of s***d c***m imagine something that you find unpleasant. I know it's difficult since you have developed a taste for the most putrid substance known to man, but you have to try. DIG DEEP and really use your imagination. How about Jade Goody in a thong? That always works for me

STEP 5: IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT. Self-esteem is clearly an issue here, otherwise why would you pollute yourself in such a destructive way. Remember: THE DEVIL IS CUNNING. He caught you at a weak moment and somehow convinced you that his noxious sputum was actually quite tasty with certain foods. Admit that you were fooled. You sometimes have to hit the bottom before you bounce back up.

STEP 6: You are not alone. There are support group all over the country. Phone 0666 666 666 to find the one in your area. Each group operates the 'buddy system'. If you feel yourself starting to crack, someone will meet you anywhere you want and bring proper food with them, like a fried egg roll and TOMATO KETCHUP! Or a tuna roll with nothing else. REMEMBER AND REPEAT: tuna is tasty enough on its own. It needs no toxic condiments

STEP 7: If you feel strong enough, test yourself. Go to the supermarket and the aisle where the s***d c***m lurks. Take a deep breath and laugh. Don't worry about the strange glances and people tiptoeing past looking frightened. Shout as loud as you can: HOW COULD ANYONE EAT THAT CRAP?! Do it a minimum of three times then tell the security guards you were leaving anyway

STEP 8: Buy a jar of s***d c***m. I know what you're thinking, but it's important that you become like normal people as soon as possible. Now, norma. people buy s***d c***m because they think they want it but it actually just sits in the fridge then gets slung in the bin after about a year. You must do this, too. Remember: JADE GOODY IN A THONG, JADE GOODY IN A THONG

STEP 9: Congratulate yourself. You've done so well to come this far and we're nearly there. You feel better don't you? You get the odd craving but nothing you can't handle. The jar has been in the fridge unopened for a while now and you actually feel vaguely nauseous when you look at it. YOU'RE ALMOST NORMAL AGAIN!

STEP 10: A dangerous time. You think you've got the problem, er, licked but always remember: Once a s***d c***m eater always a s***d c***m eater. Don't get blase. Test yourself again. But not at the supermarket. That restraining order is legally binding, you know.

STEP 11: You feel great. You've almost managed to cheat the devil and get your life back on course. True, you're still smoking, drinking and chopping out six lines of coke an hour but all are preferable addictions. Don't let anyone tell you different. They are wrong and have also been tricked by Beelzebub

STEP 12: WE'RE THERE. You feel a mixture of relief and jubilation. You can now watch others eating salad cream (it's okay, you can say it now) and wisely shake your head. Always remember: you were one of the lucky ones. There are still so many lost souls in the world who think salad cream is 'quite tasty'. Perhaps you too could become a counsellor and help others? Have a celebratory injection of skag and thank your lucky stars. Finally, life is good . . .

[snoopy1239]

C'mon, guys.

Jen's continuing to chug away and still has a chance at the WSOP.

Lend her your support on the live update thread, I'm sure it will spur her on.