Tales from the Tube

[Karabiner]

Just caught up with the last couple of entries, compulsive reading as per usual.

[Laxie]

So glad you're back to writing the odd tale for us.  Always an entertaining read.  xx

[Snatiramas]

Ahhh you guys are all so lovely.

I just enjoy writing my drivel

[boldie]

I love to read whilst walking...obviously you can still see people with your peripheral vision and I wouldn't read a book as you actually need to focus when readin a good book but the Metro is perfectly readable whilst walking

[Snatiramas]

I love to read whilst walking...obviously you can still see people with your peripheral vision and I wouldn't read a book as you actually need to focus when readin a good book but the Metro is perfectly readable whilst walking

I contest that the Metro is readable in any way. It is without doubt the "Janet and John" of newspapers but hey ho it is a different world.

I did think that I could start shouting at them "OI YOU REAKER!" but apparently that has been done already

[boldie]

I love to read whilst walking...obviously you can still see people with your peripheral vision and I wouldn't read a book as you actually need to focus when readin a good book but the Metro is perfectly readable whilst walking

I contest that the Metro is readable in any way. It is without doubt the "Janet and John" of newspapers but hey ho it is a different world.

lol..Fair point. I'm actually quite happy I just drive to work now and can just buy the times, like normal people

[Snatiramas]

Today’s piece was going to be all about planes. I had it all mapped out in my head and then something happened and I felt compelled to change topic and share it with you. You see I have just found out that I am not a ghost.

Now this has come as quite a shock to me. You see all week people have tried to walk straight bloody through me. Now let’s be honest I am not a small unit. I mean if you were going to walk straight through somebody one might believe you would start on somebody who isn’t going to send you three feet backwards as you bounce off their stomach. But I am afraid not. Yet again this week a new game was invented.

To play this game what you have to do is the following. Walk slowly. Make believe that each step is excruciatingly painful due to some muscular failing in your right leg, though I suspect your left leg would work equally as well. Then walk oh so slowly as you change from the Northern line to the Hammersmith and City. It never fails. People instantly try to walk straight through you to get to their desperately important destination which I am led to believe is the Starbucks coffee chain to get a caffeine hit before going to their place of work.

For three days I have been struggling in this manner. Normal people tutting me as I just try to get to and from work. In fact at one point I felt like such an anti hero that I stopped next to some tourists who were blocking the entrance to my platform checking the station board. I did this just to annoy normal commuter man.

And how did I find out I was not a ghost. Well this afternoon somebody who actually bumped into me said sorry. Funny how it is the small things that make a difference.

Until next week, please stand behind the yellow line

[booder]

Loving your work Phil.

[Snatiramas]

To all those that read this stuff and have told me they like it.....I thank you

The aeroplane story goes as follows. No I just can’t do it. Not this week anyway. I will get to it at some point but right now I have to talk about escalators. I am compelled to share this very important and little known fact. When transferring from the Northern line to the Hammersmith and City at Kings Cross one of the escalators moves faster than the other.
Now bear with me here. I am not talking about the poxy little first escalator you get on; oh no I am talking about the monstrously large second escalator. There are two escalators that go up at this point I call them Victoria and Albert as they are quite old. Victoria is the one on the left and Albert is the one on the right and Albert covers the journey faster than Victoria.

On my first day I had the misfortune to mount Victoria only to find Albert’s passengers slowly going past me. It was at this point I decided to measure just how much faster Albert is. Well today I finished my incredibly scientific research and the answer is ten steps. The problem I have is that now I know this I find myself faced with the true British dilemma. Do I go on something that you know will get there faster or do I rebel and go on the slowly meandering Victoria with her quaint charms of the advertising boards.

Furthermore, as you probably know, you are meant to stand on the right of the escalator so that the left is kept clear for people who want to walk up in a hurry because they are late for their Costa coffee. Well what do I tell the people walking up Victoria? “Oi you!! You are on the slow one so you can’t be in that much of a rush”. I don’t think so. No I think what I shall do is what I always do. I shall quietly smile to myself and remember that a little research can save a whole load of effort, get you where you want to be faster and in a more relaxed and better frame of mind.

Until next week please allow the passengers off the train first please!

[Laxie]

Victoria sounds a nice escalator.  As escalators go. 

[sovietsong]

i love tales from the tube!!

[Karabiner]

You just blew all of your action on a decent prop. bet, but I will cut you in for a %age should it mature.

[moonandback]

This is without doubt my favorite thread, i miss the tube especially the northern line, i used to travel from the bottom of Islington up to Totteridge & Whetstone nearly every day in the summer hols to go and play golf. i had various routes depending on what bus turned up first it was either south to old st or north to archway but if the 271 bus was being awkward which it often was I could find myself walking to the angel. I will never forget the day i was stopped by the transport police as a train pulled in to Archway he asked to look in my plastic bag because someone fitting my description (yeah right) had been spotted spraying graffiti, the look on his face when he saw my golf shoes was priceless lol.

[AndrewT]

Best escalator is Angel - standing at the bottom is like looking up at infinity.

[outragous76]

Snatty

i would encourage you to use the stairs at covent garden - just once!

Loving this thread btw - BoB plz