blonde poker forum

I don't wanna hear anyone say that chat up lines are useless, primitive, demeaning or insulting and you should just talk to the opposite sex and be yourself...yawn. That much is obvious.

Foe the purposes of this thread we'll suspend our disbelief and believe we live in a world where the will of ladies is so feeble that their knickers will drop automatically if you feed them any semi-witty line they haven't heard before that week. (think Stoke-on-Trent)

I'll get the ball rolling......


MAN : Do you mind if I take your picture?

WOMAN : Why do you want to take my picture?

MAN : So I can show it to Santa so he knows what I'd like for Christmas.

The only way my grots would drop at that one Tank, darling, is if I was in the laundrette, and I was getting em out of the machine and you came out with that particularly unfacetted cubic zirconia :)

Really!

Possibbly we should counter this thread, within the thread, and come up with suitable come downs?

Love ya Tank :)

Heid
xx

If ever a lady uses 3 consecutve words that I don't understand, I know that, to stand any chance of norkage, it's going to be an expensive evening.

x

Bloke : Vegitarian??  Really ?

Woman : yes!! why do you find that strange.

Bloke : Well, you are gonna be eating my meat tonight!!

 ;hide; ;hide;

Go up to a someone at a bar or a dance and ask her: do you want a fuck... (wait for a second gauging her reaction)...ing drink?

Newmanseye is of the school of though that a good chat up line, when used 100 times, should get you 99 slaps and a shag.

Same as sales mate, ask enough times and there is always someone that will buy it.

Perhaps he secretly just really likes the slaps?

I miss my teddy bear. Would you sleep with me?

(Walk into her chest) "If they weren't sooo large, it wouldn't have happened.

I know milk does a body good, but baby, how much have you been drinking?

Obviously got no coordination, hence would be crap in sack :)

Ya know, you look really hot! You must be real reason for global warming.

No, Just a bloke without depth perception.

or a bloke with no depth?<gg>

One Liners are always the best, else you can be thrown by an unexpected response. If, like me, you lack quick wit this can be a problem.

Here's another....

MAN/WOMAN : See my friend over there, they want to know if you think I'm cute.

Now that one is good!

One that always made me laugh was

"If you've lost your virginity, can I have the box it came in?"

Very good but likely to sail completely over the head of 9 out of 10 targets!

that just about every bloke on the planet.

Not a bad thing a bit of flirtatious filtration.

Depending on what you're after. Either getting rid of the dafties, or eliminating those who possess a wit that might challenge your own.

A male friend of mine reckons he's had some success with:

"what's the difference between a b*** J** and a cheese sandwich?", then, subject to the expected reply "do you fancy coming back to mine for a cheese sandwich then?".  Deplorable!

The danger there is you'll get zinged when the clued-up girlie says,

"There's actually a chance you might get a cheese sandwich tonight"

...or something similar.

I'm a great believer that the good chat up line should leave a lady thinking "awwww" rather than "ewwww"

I do think that is a fair assumption, and all the more likely if it is done with a  "I'm so naughty" glint in your eye rather than a "Did you know I am a complete stallion" look.

This is all complete guesswork on my part, however :)

If you can combine the two try this...

Say "Hi there" with the stallion look,

then revert to the naughty glint and ask "Who's your friend?"

Ahh now that routine I recognise.

i knew i had a few lying around in my e-mail joke vault.... sorry pretty poor some of them...

1. I wish you were a door so I could slam you all day.

2. Nice legs...what time do they open?

3. I may not be the best looking guy in here, but I'm the only one talking to you.

4. I'm fighting the urge to make you the happiest woman on earth tonight.

5. I'd really like to see how you look when I'm naked.

6. You might not be the best looking girl here, but beauty is only a light switch away.

7. Fook me if I'm wrong, but is your name Helga T1tsbottom?

8. (Lick finger and wipe on her shirt) Let's get you out of these wet clothes.

I'm no Fred Flintstone, but I bet I can make your bed rock. :D

I had one the other day, quite shocking

I was on msn and there was a random guy on there, I think I might've met him on a virtual poker table or something, anyway, he signs in and says

Chris: "Ur Hot!!"

Poppet: "Thank you"

Chris: "Can I pay you for sex?"

Poppet: "Errrrr, no I'm not a prostitute, and anyway, I'm taken"

Chris: "Even if I offered.. say... £200"

What a bloody cheek! I was in shock! Don't try this one at home guys, if he wasn't on msn he would've got a slap!  :dontask: :redcard: ;tracet;

"I really like your dress, it would look good on my bedroom floor"

"Can I have 20p"
"What for?"
"I need to call your Mum and tell her you're not coming home tonight"

Did you agree a fee in the end Poppet or was he not budging on £200?

(sorry)

 ;scarymoment;

Well I think £200 is a bit low to be honest! Someone of my skill deserves at least £400 lol

The last time I tried to chat a girl up she ended up asking me for ID.  :D


(and no, she wasn't a bouncer)

Chris only needs a double up and he's in!

 :o :o :o now i've made it look as though I can be bought :o :o :o

That is definitely not the case!

LOL! Why did she ask then?!

That's not even 1st place at the Gala £30 Freezout.

Surely WSOP top prize is more accurate?

You're spoken for if you win the bracelet Snoopy.

Something about RED_DOG's daughter I heard.

Snoopy...

Mwah!  :-* :-* :-*

Apparently my youthful looks made her believe I wasn't a day over 12.

On the subject of paying for it........

My mate once asked a random if she would sleep with someonoe for a million pounds. She says yes. He then asks if she would sleep with him for a fiver. She looks confused, says no and asks why he asked that. His reply- " Well, we've already established you're a whore, now we're just negotiating over price"

Not really a chat up line, more like witty abuse.

Awwww! I think you look slightly older than 12 though, perhaps my age, or slightly older

You must be fighting them off with a stick!

Off Topic - but one for the Welsh & those from North of Loch Lomond.....

Man walks into the bedroom with a sheep under his arm while his wife is lying in bed reading.

Man says: "This is the pig I have sex with when you've got a headache."

Wife replies: "I think you'll find that that is a sheep."

Man replies: "I think you'll find I was talking to the sheep."

She's going to get one hell of a surprise when she hears the jingle jangle of my jewellery approaching her front door.  8)

 rotflmfao hehe

I like it.

You sure 'the man' wasn't you?  :hello:

I've often found that chat up lines are unnecessary as raw animal magnetism usually attracts members of the opposite sex.

Now if only i could do something about the raw animal smell to keep them!!!!!!!  :D

Very true  :):):)

OIII!!! - I'm single.

Abuse is abuse, wit within it has no place IMHO :(

"What's your name?  When I saw you in my dreams last night I could only call you baby"

Saw this one the Fresh Prince many years ago and couldn't stop laughing.  Don't use lines myself, have the ladies flocking to me wherever I go.

There's always the old classic(but rarely successful).

"Get your coat love, you've pulled"

In a Nightclub

(HIM)  Would you like to dance sweetheart ?

(HER) CLEAR OFF LOSER

(HIM)  Sorry luv you miss understood me I said you look FAT in that dress.   ;karabiner; ;karabiner; ;karabiner; ;karabiner;

I think it's interesting that a brush off generally precipitates abuse. There should be no place for it.

Certainly not on here either :(

the old classic which i PROMISE i have never used.....

Excuse me - do you use windowlene?

Why?

Because I can see my face in your knickers

Absoluteley terrible!!!

Heid I think a lot of that is tongue in cheek. Also if the brushoff is abusive, we live in a so called equal society.

There's some clubs in Glasgow where if you cant dish it back the Sengas will rip you apart.

Overall though most of these abusive replies are made up - never to be used and a wee sop to the male ego - because it's almost always us who have to make the first move & us who get shot down.

I'd ask ya for a dance Rod, when ya knee was better, anyway :)

Point taken, absolutely, but let's keep it fun :)

Why do you guys think I never wear a dress?<g>

Thanks Heid.

However I must confess to an abusive reply to a young lady one night, which however I felt was justified....

My mate & I were in the Cavern in Liverpool & started chatting a couple of girls, we did the old 'divide & conquer'. He took his through to the garage/house room & I stayed in the rock room with mine, a few dances & drinks & we're in a quiet corner playing tonsil tennis when she pushes me away & says "I can't, I've got a boyfriend".

Slightly chagrinned I replied "And you really love him, right?"

"No, but he loves me. He says I'm the most beautiful girl he's ever met."

Well my Bitch Alarm was at Defcon 3 at that (I was actually feeling sorry for the guy). "Why don't you do yourself a favour & shag a guy who'll be honest with you?"

She looked shocked & then went & dragged her mate out of the place. Leaving me with my mate who is 6 foot 3 & teaches martial arts. Thankfully he saw the funny side & let me off.

I probably shouldn't have done it... but she needed brought down a peg or 2.

Ahh well she did deserve it .... no excuse whatsoever for playing away when you have someone :)

It's never "just kissing".

If only this were true.  :D

Let me guess - you're single and dont get any dances at clubs?........ ;hide;

Married with 3 kids, thank you very much. However when I was young free and still shaggable, I always played the rescue card, it was teh easiest way to get a woman to go home with you.

Simply watch for the women who are being annoyed by blokes and their cheesy chat up lines, wait for her eyes to roll. then casually swoop in and pretend to be her boyfriend and the bloke pisses off, Leaving you to start a good conversation and get her back to your place for that nights bedroom olympics

thats how I used to do it.   8)

Only once every four years, you might want to get some better lines ;)

PMSL, I had a whoosh moment there then I got it, Nice one

 :)up rotflmfao rotflmfao

This is a terrible assassination of a classic quote.

It's older than that - it's a George Bernard Shaw quote.

but absolutely hilarious!

 





still whoooooshhhhhhhhhhhhhhing

The Olympics are every 4 years Trace. Even for Lancashire peeps.

but bedroom Olympics are once every eight.....

DOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

I didn't bring a coat........................  >:?

I'm Sorry Heid I was only having Banter I would Gladly ask you to dance.

Let me just nip to the bar  :ironside: :ironside: :ironside: :ironside: :ironside: :ironside: :ironside: :ironside: :ironside: :ironside: :ironside:

I'd give you a dance without having to nip to the bar first.

Although I do dance like this  ;karabiner;

one I quite like,

Man;  Fancy a sh@g

Woman; No thanks

Man;  Can you lie down there, and let me have one then

Works in Wales

My mate said he used this on a girl in a Glasgow club and it worked.

Guy- " If you buy me a drink, I'll buy you one later"

Girl- " get lost I am not interested....I hate chat up lines"

Guy- " You are right. If we have another drink, we'll be no good in bed later"

She found this funny and after twenty minutes she went home with him.

I guess its all about confidence....

And i was literaly sent off. although dewi got away with seeing his face in a birds knickers lol  :D

What a FANTASTIC rack !

(*** player to a new and stunning arrival at the Wynn 1/3 game)