Have you ever pretended to be someone your aren't?
Today, my friend phoned up and asked a favour. Her Boss had asked her to arrange for a plumber to visit a Department Store he has a contract for. He basically arranges for any work that needs doing and to keep all the pipes, electrics, etc working smoothly. She forgot to call the plumber yesterday and didn't want to get into trouble with her Boss. So she asked me to pretend to be a Plumber and go along to inspect a broken pipe.
I know absolutely nothing about plumbing or water leaks
. Due to the fact I am a push over, I agreed. When I got to the Store, I explained I was Graham ( the name of the plumber who was suppose to show up ) and I was from the maintenance company. I have no idea what plumbers carry with them, so had a set of tacky looking 99p spanners and a screw driver that I had bought from ALDI on the way there.
The Lady at the Store showed me to the toilets and explained the pipe was leaking. I didn't just go in there with no back up plan though, I had arranged to call my friend who is a plumber and he would talk me through the procedure. Unfortunately the women stood and watched me for a few minutes and tried to make small talk. I was thinking to myself " Please go away.... I can't phone the guy when you are stood there looking at me ". So I held a few pipes and did a bit of head shaking and said " ohh, I see the problem here love. We have a leaking pipe ". I forgot that is why, I had been called there in the first place
. I may as well have been trying to fix a car engine as I had no idea what the hell I was looking at. There were loads of pipes and leaking water.
Eventually she went away and my mate talked me through how to fix the pipe. It went well and the leak was fixed, although I now hold the unofficial record for the slowest maintenance job performed in UK history. I think she thought I had fell asleep in the toilets. My phone battery ran out as well, but I had the main bit done by then thankfully.
Watch Rogue Traders with Matt Allright next time, I will probably be on there with my 99p spanners and confused look spread across my face.
Anyone need a plumber?
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