After purchasing my supposedly 'pink' trainers a few months back, I have been treated to an array of verbal abuse from the likes of Colchester Kev, Anthony Chessa, Stuart Fox, and many more. I won't mention any names, but I have been mentally corrupted by these continual chants of "Pink shoes! Pink Shoes! Pink shoes!".
As you may be aware, I have counteracted these unwarranted jibes that have subsequently been questioning my sexuality by suggesting that the shoes were 'salmon' in colour. Whilst deep down I knew they looked nothing like salmon, I thought it was my only defense.
Over the last week or two, I have been gradually coming to terms with the possibility that they are indeed, and dare I say it, pink and that maybe, just maybe I'm not quite as hetrosexual as I look. Yes, I have big guns, yes, I do have a muscular physique, but when I look down at the 'pink' shoes, I tend to wonder if I really am as manly as everyone makes me out to be.
Deep in depression and considering my next step towards reaffirming my masculinity, I was suddenly enlightened by a comment Jen made last week. When discussing my shoes, she made the comment that they were not salmon but pink, and"very close to fuchsia."
"So they're fuchsia then, not pink," I replied.
"No, fuchsia's a shade of pink, so they're definitely pink," said Jen.
"Are you sure?" I asked. "Isn't fuchsia simply fuchsia, or at least a type of purple or something."
"No it's pink, accept it, your trainers are pink"
Unwilling to accept this, I quickly booted up the laptop and checked out a colour code. After browsing the net briefly, I finally found a chart and it was clear that the colour of my trainers matched the little square entitled 'Fuchsia'.
The next step was to confirm that Fuchsia was indeed a type of pink. So, laptop still blaring away, I dipped into dictionary.com and came up with following definition...
"a bright, purplish-red color"
Now, if I'm not mistaken, there is no mention of pink here. It clearly says that Fuchsia, and therefore my trainers, are RED.
RED, RED, RED.
You hear that buckos?.. RED.
So next time you feel like mocking my 'pink' trainers, think twice, because they're not pink, they're RED, a PURPLISH-RED!
The defense rests its case.
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