Eyes

[snoopy1239]

I received an email the other day from Nolan Dalla (sp?), the media representative at this year's WSOP.

He said there were a few interns writing articles on the World Series and offering there work to various sites, and wondered if I fancied testing one out on the blonde members.

Well, here is one of those articles...

http://www.blondepoker.com/index.php?q=node/10541

The young author is a lad named Tim Huber. I've never met him, but what do you think?

[Mango99]

Aye, Nolan Dalla it is. He wrote One of a Kind - The Rise and Fall of Stuey "The Kid" Ungar, The World's Greatest Poker Player. AKA "The man behind the shades" in the UK.

[kvnstv]

I Did not enjoy the article very much, there's a lack of understanding of the subject matter and no real depth to it. A lot of the content is just plain wrong, to state that just by winning any player could reach the level of fame of a Daniel Negreanu is to ingnore the amount of media and image cultivation work he puts in.   

Ohh I like being a critic, can we have another one.

[lazaroonie]

Hmm... the article seems to lack a certain focus. I'm sure the writer knows exactly what he is trying to convey, but he doesnt quite manage it, because the main point(s) getting muddled up in a tidal wave of (unncessary) anecdotal information.

stick to the point laddie !!

[AndrewT]

I think it's a little dry - there's no point where I think 'that's an interesting sentence' in terms of language or construction. Whilst there's nothing desperately wrong with it, there is a sense that it is a one sentence thought (top players pay attention more than lesser players) stretched out into an article. I know that the hardest part about  writing an article is coming up with the initial subject, but even once you've got that, you have to be able to really expand upon it.

It would be easy to nitpick and say that labelling the two types of players pros/amateurs isn't strictly correct (I'm sure Barry Greenstein doesn't consider himself to be a 'professional poker player', at least not until he took the Pokerstars shilling), and that the top players are not 'looking for tells' as much as just making sure they absorb all the information available at the table. This may include tells, but tells isn't what it's all about.

At the risk of blowing smoke up Snoopy's arse, there is more of a sense of personality in the articles which normally appear on the site.

On another point, I know the article wasn't written specifically for Blonde, but starting the article by saying that 'football' has an NFL draft, and talking about Lebron James kind of makes it jar against the rest of the content on here.

(c) Back Street Driver Reviews

[tantrum]

What makes a person a professional?  What legitimizes a person going pro in poker?  In football, a person can enter the NFL draft after their third year of playing college ball.  Kobe Bryant and Lebron James became NBA superstars right out of high school.  Baseball players usually go through the farm system.  Yet, poker does not have a draft or any type of formal hierarchy system.  Usually anyone can join the game, as long as they have the buy-in.

The whole paragraph has flaws - - if one is rich one can play big games and lose if they wish, no one cares.  By asking first what makes a person professional without referring to poker and then saying that anyone can buy into the game is they have money – what one has to do with the other?

So what separates pros from amateurs?  Pete O’Donnell, who finished 8th in the $1500 Limit Hold’em event at the 2007 WSOP, quit his job just two weeks before entering the 2007 WSOP.  He has entered the poker playing profession.  He hopes to keep winning and making final tables.  Eventually, Pete expects to make an ESPN final table, and he hopes to obtain big sponsorships.

The question is so obvious – why bothering to answer it? and besides the guy has never heard of thousdand of cash players who make a living without a need of plastering their faces on tv.

In 1998, Daniel Negreanu exploded onto the poker scene by being the youngest person to ever win a bracelet (a record which has been eclipsed several times).  Ever since his first victory, his total cash winnings are over $6 million dollars.  He is a poker superstar to the common person.  You can turn on ESPN and see his charming personality shine on television.  You can open the latest issue of any poker magazine and see his face plastered across many pages. 

The difference between Daniel and Pete is one thing ─ time.  As long as Pete keeps on cashing in big tournaments, he will become the next Daniel Negreanu. Only time will tell.

 

This is completely incoherent piece of writing- shallow and simplistic.

But what is the separating factor between the pros and amateurs?  I believe it is their attention to detail.  Walk around the poker room.  Watch the top money makers.  Pay attention to their eyes.  The eyes are constantly moving, constantly searching for tells.  The pros are filing information on each and every player at their table never moving their eyes away from the action.  They are always focused on what is at hand ─ winning that next gold bracelet. 

The same question different answer- oh dear!!!!

The amateurs do not posses this time-learned skill.  Their eyes do not move in the same manner as the pros.  If an amateur is involved in a hand, most often their eyes are staring straight at the cards or hiding behind sunglasses.  If they are not participating in a hand, their attention is on something else rather than the action at their table.  Amateurs often will be distracted by motion and sounds they hear around them.  These events may include Mike “the Mouth” Matusow going off about anything and everything. His latest outburst, he said, “I can go home for two hours, hop in the Jacuzzi, come back to the tournament, win a pot and still have more chips than anyone else!”

 

OMG, seriously, how old is this guy?  Has he actually been to the casino before?

Annie Duke, queen of the poker realm, is one of the best at picking up tells.  Her posture is leaning forward with both legs on the chair as if she is a lioness ready to pounce on prey.  Her eyes are fixed upon the cards.  Her eyes gaze at the hands, body and faces of her foes.  If she can not see the table, she will ask politely and gracefully to adjust the cards so she can see.  Always on constant detail. 

This sounds like some description from the porn novel.  The choice of words is unfortunate.   

To be a superstar in any profession, consistent attention to detail is required.  Sport stars practice everyday working on their athletic skills.  Business professionals scrutinize every aspect of their companies.  Poker professionals look intently at their opponents to obtain a competitive advantage.  This is what makes a person a professional. 

   

I love this;

' poker proffessionals look intently at their opponets'

hahaha, sry like all those internet kids who has never been to the casino look intently at the avatars...

oh dear... and the ending ---- this boy as i assume he is very young has a long way to go to become a writer...

[dino1980]

Just had the one look but noticed some problems in terms of 'flow', this is not knocking Tim, just providing a professional opinion as I write about poker for a living.

1) There are too many questions in the article. Asking questions in features is bad, as a writer you should be providing the anwsers.

2) There's no link between the paragrpahs, Tim jumps between subjects. Ideally the first line of the new paragraph should link in someway to the last one. For instance: par two to par three could be improved thus: (i've put in italics a sentence to link the two smoothly)

(par 2)Pete expects to make an ESPN final table, and he hopes to obtain big sponsorships.
 
(Back in 1998, a young player called Daniel Negreanu shared the same hopes and, as we know, he is currently part of Team PokerStars

(par 3) In 1998, Daniel Negreanu exploded onto the poker scene by being (Negreanu became) the youngest person to ever win a bracelet...

3) Repetition and using three or four words where one will do: e.g Pete O’Donnell, who finished 8th in the $1500 Limit Hold’em event at the 2007 WSOP, quit his job just two weeks before entering the 2007 WSOP. the series.

[Moskvich]

Yes, sorry Tim, thumbs down...

As Dino says, don't (generally) start a piece with a question. The reader wants to learn something from reading your article, not be asked questions.

If you do ask a question you'd better be about to answer it or expand on it in some way. Certainly, you shouldn't be asking the same question again four paragraphs further down the page.

And it had better be a good question. The sort of question that makes the reader sit up and say, "Mm, good question." Not the sort of question that makes the reader say, "Well, one's a professional... and one's an amateur... I know what those words mean, they are what they say they are..."

Essentially there's a total lack of concept and content. And the writing's heavy-handed and often long-winded. Creating a good sense of the atmosphere of the World Series might have saved it from its lack of content, but it doesn't manage that either.

Someone who knew next to nothing about the game and had no writing experience could have knocked this together in half an hour after watching some poker on TV. If you've got an internship at the World Series you can do better than this...

Personally I don't think you should have put it on the Blonde home page. What does it contribute?