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Author Topic: Glasgow NED  (Read 4011 times)
GlasgowBandit
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« on: March 28, 2008, 12:31:51 PM »
The scene is a Glasgow  court and a witness (a ned) is being questioned by a rather plummy mouthed Advocate Depute (AD)


 
AD 'You say you went to your friends house that night.  Why did you go?there?'
 
WITNESS 'Tae get a tap.'

AD 'Is your friend a plumber?'
 
WITNESS 'Naw.'

AD 'Are you a plumber?'
 
WITNESS 'Naw.'
 
The witness is a bit bewildered by this line of questioning and the AD realises it, but notices that the court police officer is rubbing his fingers of one hand together in the universal gesture of money.  Daylight apparently dawns on the AD and he changes his line of questioning accordingly.
 
AD 'So you went to the house to borrow money?'
 
WITNESS 'Naw.'
 
AD 'Ah. You went to the house to lend money?'

WITNESS 'Naw.'

In exasperation the AD says, 'You told the court you went to your friend's? house for a tap.  What kind of a tap was it?'.


WITNESS .......'A Sellick tap.'  Grin Grin Grin
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Colchester Kev
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« Reply #1 on: March 28, 2008, 12:41:54 PM »
Huh?
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kinboshi
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« Reply #2 on: March 28, 2008, 01:13:03 PM »
Quote from: Colchester Kev on March 28, 2008, 12:41:54 PM
Huh?



I think Kev needs subtitles!
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TightEnd
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« Reply #3 on: March 28, 2008, 01:19:00 PM »
I don't understand this at all. Sorry.
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kinboshi
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« Reply #4 on: March 28, 2008, 01:28:37 PM »
Say the punchline in a Glaswegian accent...
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TightEnd
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« Reply #5 on: March 28, 2008, 01:29:05 PM »
Quote from: kinboshi on March 28, 2008, 01:28:37 PM
Say the punchline in a Glaswegian accent...


no, does not compute
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Rod Paradise
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« Reply #6 on: March 28, 2008, 01:42:00 PM »
A story that loses something if it has to be explained, but...

In Glaswegian (and general West Coast Scots) a tap can be a water tap, a loan, or a football top.
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GlasgowBandit
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« Reply #7 on: March 28, 2008, 01:47:14 PM »
LMAO!!!

I thought it was funny.
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TightEnd
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« Reply #8 on: March 28, 2008, 02:18:15 PM »
Quote from: Rod Paradise on March 28, 2008, 01:42:00 PM
A story that loses something if it has to be explained, but...

In Glaswegian (and general West Coast Scots) a tap can be a water tap, a loan, or a football top.


oh, well how I was expected to know that I don't know!


A Celtic top!

why didn't you say?
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Rod Paradise
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« Reply #9 on: March 28, 2008, 02:25:40 PM »
Quote from: TightEnd on March 28, 2008, 02:18:15 PM
Quote from: Rod Paradise on March 28, 2008, 01:42:00 PM
A story that loses something if it has to be explained, but...

In Glaswegian (and general West Coast Scots) a tap can be a water tap, a loan, or a football top.


oh, well how I was expected to know that I don't know!


A Celtic top!

why didn't you say?

Translations for the posh supplied on request Wink

The super-posh can get their butler to tranlate.
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TightEnd
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« Reply #10 on: March 28, 2008, 02:27:46 PM »
I am not posh.
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Rod Paradise
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« Reply #11 on: March 28, 2008, 02:28:41 PM »
Quote from: TightEnd on March 28, 2008, 02:27:46 PM
One is not posh.

FYP Wink
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kinboshi
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« Reply #12 on: March 28, 2008, 02:54:40 PM »
Quote from: Rod Paradise on March 28, 2008, 02:28:41 PM
Quote from: TightEnd on March 28, 2008, 02:27:46 PM
One is not posh, just ask my butler, and my chauffeur, and the maid.

FYP Wink
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gatso
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« Reply #13 on: March 28, 2008, 05:35:00 PM »
Quote from: kinboshi on March 28, 2008, 01:28:37 PM
Say the punchline in a Glaswegian accent...

I tried that but only got 'sellotape'
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barhell
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« Reply #14 on: March 28, 2008, 06:43:43 PM »
Quote from: gatso on March 28, 2008, 05:35:00 PM
Quote from: kinboshi on March 28, 2008, 01:28:37 PM
Say the punchline in a Glaswegian accent...

I tried that but only got 'sellotape'

I got stuck there as well
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