Okay society you win- Diary of a fat boy

[Flea]

Excellent Phil - great read and well done.

Won't say keep it up because you don't need me to tell you that.

[Snatiramas]

I promised you warts and all...mood swings the whole works. This morning at 1.25am I sat bolt upright in bed. Two things shot across my head. Firstly it is my wedding anniversary and for the first time in 16 years I had forgotten it. Secondly I had to have a bagel and I had to have it right now, so I did...........
I am not sure which is worse but they both feel like massive disaster areas right now so I am going away to try and the rescue the situation..........

[RED-DOG]

Oh dear   

[Snatiramas]

Unbelievable how quickly the average man can forget about everything........so already I didn't forget my wedding anniversary and the bagel just did not happen........so that's alright then.

Well the flowers cost, actually I am not going to tell you and I really did not enjoy the bagel......weird it used to be my favourite food. I actually felt quite ill. So maybe it is not all bad news.

Either way I refuse to feel too guilty about the bagel...........I do of course feel guilty as hell about missing the anniversary. I had written a post it note and stuck it in the car to remind me but didn't go out so the system kind of disintergrated. Now guilt is something that plays a massive part in any Jewish mothers armoury. Why didn't you call me yesterday? Are you coming for dinner Friday night? Are you eating? Are you sleeping? Why aren't you married? Why are you seeing her? and so it goes on and on. So by your mid twenties you have become guilty for almost all that you do and definitely guilty for all the things you should have done. The oldest Jewish gag I know is "What is the difference between a Jewish mother and a Rottweiler......eventually the Rottweiler  lets go." So trust me when I say "I feel guilty" it is to a depth that is almost unfathomable to lots of people outside the religion.
Now Anne Marie and I met on a blind date and the story of our first meeting is long so I am not sure if I should post it, maybe another day. The week after our first meeting it was Anne Marie's thirtieth birthday and she was having a big party and I wasn't invited. Okay fair enough. New man, not sure yet whether she wants me to meet her mates and anyway I wasn't geographical suitable on account of the fact that she lived in NW London and I lived in Leicester.

After our first meeting I had kind of already decided that this one was going somewhere. So on the Friday night of her birthday weekend, loaded with flowers, champers and pressies I drove down to Mill Hill. I rang on the doorbell and she got the surprise of her life. We chatted for an hour or so and then I left and headed north again. I think she was probably more surprised by that actually.

Anyway from that moment on we went from strength to strength. From time to time we argue. Normally about something small that is hiding a bigger issue. If you think it is tough sitting next to me for an evening at the poker think of what poor Anne Marie has to put up with on a daily basis. We have two incredible children who are fast growing up and are turning into beautifully rounded individuals thanks to Anne Marie's lead.

So what I would like to say in public is Anne Marie I love you. Thank you so much for the last sixteen years they have been quite incredible.

[RED-DOG]

Congrats Mrs Snat. Your old man is like a Ferrero Rocher, rough and knobbly outside, soft and nice inside.

[AndrewT]

Congrats Mrs Snat. Your old man is like a Ferrero Rocher, rough and knobbly outside, soft and nice inside.

'Ambassador, with this Snatiramas you are spoiling us'

[boldie]

Congrats Mrs Snat. Your old man is like a Ferrero Rocher, rough and knobbly outside, soft and nice inside.

'Ambassador, with this Snatiramas you are spoiling us'

congrats on the anniversary Snat.

[lazaroonie]

this diary is gripping stuff. cant believe ive missed this.

my life just seems empty in comparison...

[Snatiramas]

Good news all..........

Mrs. Snat forgave me for my oversight..the large bouquet of flowers with the message "I am such a clutz" helped.

Also back on the diet train.......sailed through yesterday knowing I didn't want carbohydrate because I tried it and didn't like it...

Regular post on Friday

[Snatiramas]

The Wii fit arrived on Tuesday amongst much excitement at Chateau Cooklin. It has been a competitive Wii week with both Adam and I having turned PRO on both the tennis and the bowling. I think my record of 221 is going to stand for some time on the bowling and of course there is no letting the other person win…..occasionally I see a side of Adam that is so fiercely competitive it is quite frightening, for the most part though he manages to control and channel it positively. Rachel is a little bit more cunning in that she pretends not to care whilst being good enough to have the occasional win. Anne Marie is good but refuses to practice and then she gets upset when we all thump her. Back to the Wii fit. What an absolutely brilliant piece of kit. I mean the packaging is a bit too Apple for my liking but the experience is just so good for the family. As previously stated if you are an out and out gamer then this product is not for you but if you want some light hearted family entertainment then this product is right up there. You will never guess what though; having programmed all my details in on the opening screen it told me I was morbidly bloody obese again. Have played most of the games, tried some of the yoga positions and generally built up a good sweat for an hour for the past two nights without ever feeling I was overdoing it I would have to say that I find it quite inspirational. Included in this time was some gentle running on the spot though luckily I have been informed by my friendly builder that the crater this activity created can be filled in for a reasonable amount of money.

Now at the end of last week’s episode I promised the reasons I believe in God. Well actually it is one reason. It suits me to do so. Whilst I fully understand there is no evidence of a supreme being, in those times when I have found life tough or in those glorious moments such as the birth of your children or the winning of a Blond bash it is has been a source of comfort to believe that there is something more than logic and science. The problem with religion from my own perspective is that it tends to get hijacked by lunatics. They take words and philosophies twist them to suit their own needs and try to impose them upon normal rational human beings. These people are the same as football hooligans as they are in the absolute minority. Nobody’s religion is right and nobody's is wrong, they become wrong when trying to impose their thinking on other people. Okay Snat get down from the pulpit and tell them about some of the tough times that have inspired you.

At the age of twenty one I became one of the youngest managers in Burtons when I was appointed to the store in Stratford, often known as Stratford East in London…….having reviewed that sentence it made me look like Alex out of The Apprentice and he was a right little back stabbing SOB. I had better give you some background. I had got into Burtons by mistake. Having finished my A levels the Old Man (he always referred to my grandfather in the same way and it is a family tradition. It is after all so much better than taking the American system of numbering each generation having taken the same name in the first place) asked me what I intended to do during the summer holiday……eighteen years old now let me think…..well dad says I, a little snooker, punting on the horses, drinking and partying seem like a good idea. I was left in no doubt that my dreams for the holidays were not going to be realised with the conversation ending with the line “I will speak to your uncle and you can get a summer job”. Please note dear reader the use of the word I and you in that sentence. What he really means is I will speak and I will get you a summer job. Cool just like royalty.

Now I come from quite a large family and retail runs thick on both sides. Uncle Gerald owned The Woodworkers on Belvoir Street in Leicester established by one of my grandfathers, another uncle was Cecil Jacobs the chemist and photography store, my mum used to have a curtain shop in Cank Street set up by her father. Gary Linekars grandfather used to deliver the family fruit order every Friday afternoon. I knew that dad didn’t mean any of them. He meant Uncle Lawrie.

 Now in a family full of characters uncle Lawrie was quite a star. He was a lightening fast rugby winger at a rugby mad school, went to the London School of Economics and Chicago business school and at this time was one of the top three people running Burtons, Ralph Halpern the MD, Paul Plant ran operations and stores and uncle Lawrie was the director in charge of buying for the whole group. So it was decided I would get a summer job at Burtons organised by a director………oh this is just going to be great.
So I sit on the number twenty nine bus heading to the store absolutely dreading it. I mean I was used to work. I had done a paper round in my teens, picked strawberries for cash and at this time was making very good money on the horses which strangely involved quite a lot of work. It does make me wonder if I would pull similar strings for my children and the answer is a definite maybe. I digress. I am on the bus and we are pulling up in Gallowtree Gate, so named for the fairly obvious reason that it is where they used to hang people. Never was a name more apt. Oh well only one thing to do. They know I am the nephew of a director. Whatever they ask me to do, smile and say no problem. In we go. Hi. I am Phil I believe you are expecting me. Indeed the toilets that needed cleaning were expecting me. The top floor full of unsorted hangars was expecting me. The size cubes that needed sorting were expecting me. The very large deliveries that needed taking to the second floor were expecting me. I smiled. I said no problem. I got accepted for who I was after a while and at the end of the six weeks decided that I would stop wasting everybody’s time and decided to stay on.

Now as I mentioned to Dad some time later you have to be careful what you wish for. This was not in his grand scheme. My sisters were both already at university and it was expected of me that I would go too. I had however made my decision and no amount of arguing was going to change my mind. I was going to be the best assistant junior sales trainee Burtons had ever had. Sure it was almost the bottom rung on the ladder, only YTS being considered lower and that was because they were paid for by the government, but I knew I was somewhere that suited me.

So to those in the company who didn’t know me I was a director’s nephew. To the guys in Leicester I was just Phil. I moved up the ladder slowly but surely and at twenty one got on the management training scheme. Mostly university graduates big on degrees short on common sense particularly at made to measure. Did it help to have the surname I did. Sometimes it did and sometimes people really tried to push you over the edge as they did not want to be seen to show preference. After finishing the course I spent two years in Gloucester running an Debenhams department and then to my first appointment in Stratford………..oops written too much already. I will have to finish this off next week and trust me it is a belter with knives, shears and how the management training scheme helps you to deal with shoplifters.

Well as regular readers know I had a blip this week. Yes I know it was only one bagel. Yes I know I didn’t enjoy it but it has left me with a huge moral dilemma. When asked how your week was am I going to say no problem? Or tell them all about it. I have definitely still lost weight. If I say no problem who is any the wiser. Can I really do that and lie to these people. How can I look them in the eye if I behave like this? If I do tell them will they look me in the eye? One thing I was always taught was you never run away from issues that you create. So today I need special music to help me to think............hmmm better put on Dark Side of the Moon. But somehow it is not enough so I quickly switch to Down in the Sewer by the Stranglers.......much more suited to my mood.

In I go and whilst doing my weigh in I fess up about the bagel and got into a very good conversation about what motivated me, the feeling of guilt which can then turn to a feeling of depression which then causes you to eat more and so the cycle continues. If it should happen again I now know that I need to step back and give myself time to understand the craving, rationalise it and then deal with it by concentrating on the positive goal. Whilst we are on positive goals and all things positive I have this week sat at a dinner table whilst family and friends ate a full Friday night dinner with only a cup of black tea for company and felt totally content. I have sat in Pizza Express whilst colleagues had lunch with a peanut bar for company and felt totally sated. I have lost this week four more pounds. That means a total of one stone eleven pounds in three weeks. It’s going down baby, going down. More next week.

[Dewi_cool]

 

[RED-DOG]

It’s going down baby, going down.


Shring!!!

First class post, As they say in the .. er ... post office,

[Snatiramas]

It’s going down baby, going down.


Shring!!!

First class post, As they say in the .. er ... post office,

your post has the stamp of authority sir

[nirvana]

Down in the Sewer by the Stranglers.......much more suited to my mood.

I can think of a lot worse places to be:-)

Love the diary and the music references

Keep up the good work

[Tonji]

Your a natural writer Snatty