Personal bad beat situation

[RED-DOG]

What's a holiday compaired to this?

Hopefully, missing a holiday will be the least of your worries.


Sorry. You did ask for opinions, and that's mine.

I think you should review it nearer the time - all carers need respite help sometimes to have a break - hopefully you are insured so if you have to cancel you might be covered financially.

This is all so new you can't know what will have happened by then, don't try and make decisions for October when you don't know how next week will pan out yet.

Good luck Ian. xx

That's a much better way of putting it Trace.

If, when the time comes, you are free to go, then of course you should go.

[cia260895]

Agreed

reading back maybe i am being a bit selfish thinking of myself

 like you said Tom what is a holiday in comparrison

to tell the truth my head is all over the place at the mo

[RED-DOG]

Agreed

reading back maybe i am being a bit selfish thinking of myself

 like you said Tom what is a holiday in comparrison

to tell the truth my head is all over the place at the mo

Well reading back, perhaps I was a bit insensitive with my comments. It's easy for me to talk, but I just don't want you to have room for regrets further down the line.

I really hope everything works out for you. 

[Dingdell]

Agreed

reading back maybe i am being a bit selfish thinking of myself

 like you said Tom what is a holiday in comparrison

to tell the truth my head is all over the place at the mo

Well reading back, perhaps I was a bit insensitive with my comments. It's easy for me to talk, but I just don't want you to have room for regrets further down the line.

I really hope everything works out for you. 

Tom - I think you are probably the most qualified person on this forum to give advice in this area. You posting on this thread only confirms (not that it were needed) your generosity of spirit. Reading and posting here must always take you back to something that will always be painful for you. I love you for it. xx

[cia260895]

i think the crux of some problems on threads/forums are that they can never tell the whole picture and they can often be responded to without the OP feelings and circumstances taken into account but not in a derogitory fashion,what 1 person reads into something another person wont, leaving it open to misinterpretation.

[ShatnerPants]

This is a horribly tragic situation. 

Reading through it over the last few days, I've not felt qualified to comment.

But through all the pain and fear, I keep on seeing a few lights shining through. 

Your ex is getting immediate, and thorough treatment.  Hopefully that will maximise her chances of survival, and ultimately recovery.

Your kids have obviously got a fantastic dad who will immediately drop everything to be with them when they need him.

You are building bridges with the relationship with your ex.  Hopefully when this all settles down, the old hatred will have disappeared, which has got to be better for the kids.

Besides that you will need to make sure you give as much support to your new partner as possible.  I'm sure she understands, and is supporting you at this time, but she will need affirmation from you as well.

About the kids bottling it up.  They will.  It's what kids do.  All you can do is talk to them, try not to lie to them.  Don't make promises you can't keep.   And encourage them to speak to you, as and when they feel able.

The holiday ?  There will be loads of potential answers to that.  As mantioned already, decisions can be made in plenty of time.  But a couple of ideas to be going on with.  Can the kids go with you ?   Can you claim on the insurance and rearrange another holiday to include the kids ?  Will your ex's family be willing and able to help ?

I understand you are suffering hugely at the moment.   But I'm sure you have the strength to do what's necessary.  You seem to be handling everthing fantastically well so far.

[cia260895]

This is a horribly tragic situation. 

Reading through it over the last few days, I've not felt qualified to comment.

But through all the pain and fear, I keep on seeing a few lights shining through. 

Your ex is getting immediate, and thorough treatment.  Hopefully that will maximise her chances of survival, and ultimately recovery.

Your kids have obviously got a fantastic dad who will immediately drop everything to be with them when they need him.

You are building bridges with the relationship with your ex.  Hopefully when this all settles down, the old hatred will have disappeared, which has got to be better for the kids.

Besides that you will need to make sure you give as much support to your new partner as possible.  I'm sure she understands, and is supporting you at this time, but she will need affirmation from you as well.

About the kids bottling it up.  They will.  It's what kids do.  All you can do is talk to them, try not to lie to them.  Don't make promises you can't keep.   And encourage them to speak to you, as and when they feel able.

The holiday ?  There will be loads of potential answers to that.  As mantioned already, decisions can be made in plenty of time.  But a couple of ideas to be going on with.  Can the kids go with you ?   Can you claim on the insurance and rearrange another holiday to include the kids ?  Will your ex's family be willing and able to help ?

I understand you are suffering hugely at the moment.   But I'm sure you have the strength to do what's necessary.  You seem to be handling everthing fantastically well so far.

cheers for that   as always it is appreciated

[cia260895]

The operation is going to be in the next 2-3 weeks and i've been thinking of saying to my ex that she should try and do loads of stuff with the kids before the op while she  can  as who knows how long it will b4 she will be fit again.Normal stuff like playing tennis,baseball walks bike rides etc but would this be a bit insensitive or hit a raw nerve?

My youngest has been getting very anxious about the impending changes in his routine especially as he is starting high school in september so it looks like he could well be full flight by the time the changeover comes,still he'll keep me on my toes for a bit,but personally I cant wait to be able to do everyday stuff with them both again,rather than crammming it all into a weekend every other week

[Graham C]

All the energetic stuff may not be the best idea, but I'd have thought doing some thing nice may be lovely to provide a distraction for a few hours.

Hope the op goes well

[CRIPPIN]

graham is right, keep them positive and updated as much is appropriate but don't make too much of a big deal out of events. don't want to say too much more but trust me kids are far more receptive to honesty and truth than they are to pampering, and not sure she would be too impressed.

[The_nun]

Can you not take the chlidren with you on holiday. By then your ex will be needing rest too and it will give you chance to give the kids a bot of a breather.

[cia260895]

well its looks like the op will be sooner rather than later probably next thursday so it'll be action stations from then..

this is going to be some roller coaster............

[ShatnerPants]

Good luck

To her, yourself, and all your family ( and to her family as well, )

[cia260895]

God I'm bricking it big time,
have just been given a list of things that have to be done like packing Thomas' case clothes,washing,meals,dog walks,bedtimes,when to pack PE stuff,sandwiches, afterschool clubs, the list goes on,

now these are the things that MUMS do so well,  now i have to do so it looks like ill have about 300 'post its' stuck all over the place for reminders,after a couple of weeks I'm sure it will all fall into place but until then the thought of it is worrying me something else

It doesn't help things when her family are not willing to help with anything like dropping Thomas at school and picking him up afterwards as was initially said would happen,Its like we'll do what we can to help her but not you!! well that's what it seems like to me maybe I'm just over reacting or is just nerves I really dunno...

[Graham C]

You'll do fine, just enjoy it and it will go smoothly.  The kids will tell you when you do something wrong anyway