Personal bad beat situation

[Claw75]

good luck xx

[Dingdell]

Good luck - savour the time you have with the kids, do a great job and be proud of what you achieve. Shame on those who bring family politics in and affect the kids in the process by not helping out.

[Laxie]

You'll do fine, just enjoy it and it will go smoothly.  The kids will tell you when you do something wrong anyway

+1

Not sure how I missed this thread, but will be thinking of the lot of you. 

One thing I will say - don't give the kids false information or guess work.  Know the facts before you give an answer or be honest and say you don't know, but will find out. 

[ShatnerPants]

Good luck - savour the time you have with the kids, do a great job and be proud of what you achieve. Shame on those who bring family politics in and affect the kids in the process by not helping out.

+1

Try not to think in terms of your ex's family as playing sides.  It'll lead to resentment on your part, especially once the stress really kicks in. 

Offer them the opportunity to spend more time with the kids, after all it's for their benefit as well.  And if they don't want to take you up on your kind offer, that's their loss.

( But I'd also maybe have a quick word with your ex (( especially if your relationship has got any better )).  She might not like the idea of seeing her kids used as pawns, just to get at you. )

[cia260895]

looks like this aint gonna be easy...
 went over earlier to go through some things,suggested my mum comes over to stay and help, did not go down at all well, ended with ex running off crying fk my life...

where as i thought i'd get my mum to help looks like i'll be on my own as ex hates my mum and wont have her staying in her house!!

[The_nun]

She is most likley totaly stressed out with all she is facing, thus not thinkin straight. Maybe if your mum tried to have a gentle chat with her just to put her at ease and reasure her that it is best for the kids having a little extra help around at this awful time in thier lives when they too will also be so unsure as to what is exactly occuring. So many people to think of, so many varied emotions.

[cia260895]

unfortunately there is no middle ground there she hates my mum with a vengence,already had her sister on the fone to get me to confirm my mum wont be going over there..

[cia260895]

Happy birthday Charlie   

[cia260895]

I have just heard that the ex is going in for her op on the 10Th of September, which is a bit of a blessing at least the boys will be back in school full time by then which should make the transition easier for them.

[ShatnerPants]

Are you and her talking any better nowadays ?

I wondered if, as she doesn't want your mum helping, maybe she could have a word with her mum, saying it's for her own peace of mind, not as a way of helping you.  ( does that make sense or are there too many 'her's in there ? )

Keep your pecker up. 

[jizzemm]

Keep your pecker up. 

good advice   

[cia260895]

her her her its all about her lol, the conversations are kept to a minimum but there is some

As it stands at the mo HER mum will be helping out by collecting my youngest from school on Thursdays and Fridays,taking the boys back to her house then i have to collect them later,and as she says they will be helping her out while she recovers,it would just be a lot simpler if my mum was allowed to help that way the boys have an organised routine every day,but that isn't going to happen FACT,so i have to make do with how it is,without sounding negative.

other bit of bad  news is she doesn't have sky wtf?

[Dingdell]

Great article in the times today about a very similar situation and the way the carer and person with cancer were thinking. I really recommend you read it. If you can't find it on line I've kept it so I can post it to you. PM me if you want to.

Tracey

[cia260895]

Thanks Tracey,I did find it and if anyone else wants to read you can find it here:

   http://women.timesonline.co.uk/tol/life_and_style/women/relationships/article4620358.ece

was this the entire article?

Having helped my brother through the entire length of his illness i am fortunate or unfortunately aware of the stresses put on family life throughout the course of the illness,as there were quite a few family issues within his household to which i found myself advising/guiding them all how best to cope with it.personally i think its easier,when your not in the immiediate family ie: the family home to be able to suggest certain things as it appears that you are not taking sides or biased in anyway.

But i am not in the family home and have dont really have any body that could fill the role,this is partly due to the way my ex wife is,without pouring too much scorn on her she really is a vicious,spiteful women when it comes to me and my family,beleive me when we were together we even went to relate and came out arguing and feeling worse than when we went in,again it was down to my family.(it stems from our upbringing she was from a well off middle class family and i was from the working class council estate and the differences were huge and eventually led indirectly to our splitting,now I could tell you all the things i had to put up with but to tell the truth I really cant be arsed with that side.

I just want to do whats right for my boys but feel handcuffed to a certain degree.

[cia260895]

well it looks like my marriage is going to be a bit rocky for a while as my wife is finding all this very hard to cope with,she understands fully my position but is just uncertain how she will cope with it all.Like she said how far can she go before breaking? something which she cant do as she has to look after her girls FK FK FK.

Also due to previous non-molestation and occupation orders put on me I am thinking of having a contract drawn up between me and the ex just to safeguard myself should something blow up...