Im not really called Dave:A blog of a bloke who plays poker then writes about it

[sledge13]

Good read, especially like the old job stuff!

[DaveShoelace]

look forward to this and good start.

any chance you could elaborate on the things you did to try and get sacked

I didn't try to get sacked, I just stopped caring about the place so much that I couldn't help but do things to keep me entertained that would have seen my wriists slapped or worse. Things like

Obviously writing poker articles when I should have been doing my job
Accessing the accounts of our celebrity customers to find out how much money they had, how old they were etc.
Making long distance calls to my mate in Australia using work phones
Booking out a meeting room to give a half day 'coaching workshop' to two employees, when in fact what we did was consrtruct a league table of the fittest women in the building
booking a meeting room out so I could have a sleep
cherry picking work I knew didnt need doing or already had been done by someone else and passing it off as my own
fabricating my PC not working (sometimes unplugging it....genius), when in fact it did, in order to not have to do any work
and a couple of times I took my mission to boink a girl from every department into the workplace literally

When i look back some of the above is actually pretty terrible, but it was so easy to get away with (especially the last one, hard to get caught in 30 seconds I spose)

[FuglyBaz]

look forward to this and good start.

any chance you could elaborate on the things you did to try and get sacked

I didn't try to get sacked, I just stopped caring about the place so much that I couldn't help but do things to keep me entertained that would have seen my wriists slapped or worse. Things like

Obviously writing poker articles when I should have been doing my job
Accessing the accounts of our celebrity customers to find out how much money they had, how old they were etc.
Making long distance calls to my mate in Australia using work phones
Booking out a meeting room to give a half day 'coaching workshop' to two employees, when in fact what we did was consrtruct a league table of the fittest women in the building
booking a meeting room out so I could have a sleep
cherry picking work I knew didnt need doing or already had been done by someone else and passing it off as my own
fabricating my PC not working (sometimes unplugging it....genius), when in fact it did, in order to not have to do any work
and a couple of times I took my mission to boink a girl from every department into the workplace literally

When i look back some of the above is actually pretty terrible, but it was so easy to get away with (especially the last one, hard to get caught in 30 seconds I spose)

HAHAHA that is class

[pokerfan]

30 seconds, man i hope the missus does`nt read that.

[sovietsong]

Old you is like current me!  Apart from the boinking and writing poker articles!

[ariston]

love the booking a meeting room out so you could have a sleep - that is pure genius.

[DaveShoelace]

People seemed to respond well to learning a bit of my background in my opener I thought I would do a bit more.

Phil Oakey from the Human League was my babysitter.

He was going out with my cousin at the time, just before he became famous, and they would babysit for me and my twin sister once a week. I don’t remember much more than that because I was a baby.

Right up until the age of 19 I was what my friends affectionately referred to me as a ‘Fat Bastard’, at my peak weighing about 19st. I wasn’t really encouraged to eat healthily or exercise as a kid, so I didn’t. I’ve already warned my girlfriend that if we ever had kids they would never go to a McDonalds and would be training for Triathlons as soon as they got out of nappies (I actually said the word ‘diaper’ the other day, bloody Americans bastardising our language).

Then University happened and by University I mean, women. I actually went to Nottingham for my studies, specifically because I had heard the same myth that all the disappointed lads in my halls of residence had heard, that it had a 3:1 ratio of women to men. It didn’t, in fact it had about 3 times as many men turn up every weekend, deluded that they would be beating women off with a shitty stick.

So University was the first time I ever really exercised and because I had to prepare my own meals for the first time, I was a little more conservative (ie. Tight) with them. The weight dropped off and I liked it and for the first time ever, I pulled the occasional girl. This had a snowball effect and I got more and more into diet and nutrition, got in very good shape and finally had the social life I wanted.

By the time I left Uni I had dropped from 19st to 13st and if I don’t mind saying so, I looked very good. I lifted weights, boxed and even ran a couple of half marathons. I was like a kid in a candy store with all the women who showed interest in me (I still got rejected by plenty of boilers too but it was a numbers game for me) and once even dated the fittest girl from my school who didn’t look at me twice back then, in fitting American High School style. The people that once knew me at school who bumped into me in town would always have the same reaction, their jaw would drop.

Pretty much the same reaction I had when I saw Phil ‘Snatatatatatatatatmaris’ Cooklin the other week in Luton. It’s a brilliant feeling to lose weight because it seems such an uphill task when you are at your heaviest and I’m well proud of Phil, I hope he can keep it up because he has done brilliantly.

But then I met Gina (er indoors) about 3 years ago, when poker started to take off for me, and the combination did kind of bollocks up the hard work I did. I went from 13st 7lb back up to 16st. It’s sad, but poker and being in a serious relationship did make me stop caring a little bit about my health and appearance (and she claims to like me cuddly).

But I decided enough was enough (again) and I’m back on the weight loss wagon. I have a prop bet going with my poker coach where I have to get back down to my fighting weight of 13st 7lbs by Xmas day this year. I am now down to 15st from 16st and really getting back into the gym again, mainly boxing which often surprises people because I am such a softy.

Obviously there are plenty of fat poker players and I know loads of people who look terrible as a direct result of poker, but there is no excuse because I have so much free time to do it. This week has been a kebab and booze frenzy because of my birthday and indulgences are very important once in a while, but I have finally stopped smoking at tournaments (I only ever smoke at tournaments, which is really pointless) and I think the final stone and a half is doable by Xmas....

Shit, it isn’t that far off actually.

[The_duke]

You know what, Dave,Rodney,stephen,joe,ignatius or what ever -- a must read, a will read. don't get upset at the lack of replies just look at the views FFS

[DUNK619]

congratulations on gettin the word boink in your diary top effort

[sovietsong]

Another superb post!

[Chompy]

An excellent diary imo, keep it going imo

[dino1980]

Dave/Barry, good start to your diary fella.  Lots of questions! When you quit your job was it with the feeling that you'd earn more from writing than playing or t'other way round and did you have a guaranteed income from writing per month that could pay the bills and the six month living expenses saved up? What did you plan to do more of writing or playing? All being well of course. Now, in an average month what would you say you make more from (figures not necessary obv). Do you reckon you'd have quit your job if you knew the UIGEA was just around the corner?

Also as a fellow poker journalist I imagine you read a few of the magazines out there. I've noticed that as my game has improved and subsequently so has my ability to write strategy articles, the amount I actually get out of poker magazines has declined. Also I often find myself reading through mags, my own included, and thinking I already bloody knew that! Though I suppose it's my job too! What I'm getting at is, I guess, that do you find it difficult being a self confessed poker junkie to write for differing levels of ability - especially say knowing how to pitch an article to beginners now that I imagine you consider yourself at least intermediate - and also finding a balance between dumbing down and explaining something clearly. Because although it appears from Poker forums etc that every man and his dog knows about the UB scandal or the November Nine in reality many casual players picking up a magazine in their local cardroom may have never have heard of either. Therein lies the skill though I guess.

[ericstoner]

Not heard from Barry "The shagging machine" Carter,for nearly a day............must be on the job again!

[DaveShoelace]

Dave/Barry, good start to your diary fella.  Lots of questions! When you quit your job was it with the feeling that you'd earn more from writing than playing or t'other way round and did you have a guaranteed income from writing per month that could pay the bills and the six month living expenses saved up? What did you plan to do more of writing or playing? All being well of course. Now, in an average month what would you say you make more from (figures not necessary obv). Do you reckon you'd have quit your job if you knew the UIGEA was just around the corner?

Also as a fellow poker journalist I imagine you read a few of the magazines out there. I've noticed that as my game has improved and subsequently so has my ability to write strategy articles, the amount I actually get out of poker magazines has declined. Also I often find myself reading through mags, my own included, and thinking I already bloody knew that! Though I suppose it's my job too! What I'm getting at is, I guess, that do you find it difficult being a self confessed poker junkie to write for differing levels of ability - especially say knowing how to pitch an article to beginners now that I imagine you consider yourself at least intermediate - and also finding a balance between dumbing down and explaining something clearly. Because although it appears from Poker forums etc that every man and his dog knows about the UB scandal or the November Nine in reality many casual players picking up a magazine in their local cardroom may have never have heard of either. Therein lies the skill though I guess.

Good questions.

I'm in a lucky category really that not many people fall into, where Im genueinly 50/50 write and player. Most players leave work to play poker with X amount in savings to cover expenses for X months. I did too but the security was and is the fact that I earn enough from writing to gaurantee as much security as I can. I have enough secured writing work every month and I make enough from rakeback to cover all my expenses for a typical month which really really takes the pressure off the playing side of things and I dont have to make a huge amount of money from playing each month to be able to put savings away each month. When poker is going great I say I am pretty much an entirely pro player, when Im losing I tell people Im a writer. I'm also always looking for new ways to make money and I'd say having something you can fall back on or do alongside playing is paramount for anyone wanting to quit work to do this sort of thing (I never turn down work, just in case one day it goes tits up lol)

I make a lot more from playing than I do writing, more than double on average.

Writing poker articles has really helped my own ability to play, because it allows me to be introspective and analysise my own hands. The biggest help, however, has been getting a coach and would advise all to do the same or at least a buddy to discuss hands. Having a coach taught me that I have soooooooooooo much to learn as we all probably do and they are able to point out leaks you personally refused to see.

Most of my strategy writing is written for people that are better than beginner but by no means expert. Recreational players that are starting to take the game seriously and have started winning. I dont think much of what I write is too advanced, I think my biggest strength as a writer is simplyfying quite difficult subject matter to fit the audience. Most of my writing these days is more news/opinion/humour etc which does presuppose some audience knowledge.

One thing to say at this juncture, just before the last few posts have made a few people think I consider myself to be some sort of high stakes womaniser, is that I am by no means an amazing player, far from it. I am for the most part a reasonable mid stakes grinder, a jack of all trades maste of none, who makes the most of bankroll management, rakeback, game selection and all the other things that prove a competant player can make money from poker if they take it seriously enough.

[DaveShoelace]

Not heard from Barry "The shagging machine" Carter,for nearly a day............must be on the job again!

Lol, no I'm afraid that was the end of my Robin Askwith-esque stories, most of my (diary) entries these days will be about what I had for tea or saw on the telly.