A virtual betting guide to blonde bash Seven

tikay 1225-1. Misses five hours of the tournament being a media tart. Odds reflect his "need to get chips early to blind away" strategy. Unable to get chips early, so no hope

Ironside 100-1 Looser than a faulty wing mirror, and that's just his mouth

RED-DOG 66-1 Likely to be too busy, talking ferrets, to triumph

Sheriff Fatman 50-1 Form horse, unlike his football team

kinboshi 100-1 ("1st pot played by Kinboshi"sweep: I got 10.32pm)

Bongo 500-1 Will take me sending six emails before he remembers to turn up

Boldie 100-1 I miss him on the forum full time. Not.

Mrs B 66-1 Best player in her car journey down

dingdell 40-1 Form, er, horse

claw 50-1 If she doesn't cash she's giving up poker. Again. Until next week.

karabiner 66-1 Raif fienneds it tough these days

karabinersbabybro 100-1 Unknown, Arsenal supporter?

gatso 66-1 Luton will be his ring of fire this weekend

evilpie 66-1 Will he awake in time for the comp start?

Shogun 100-1 Now a furniture salesman. Beware selling techniques

stuarthopkin 100-1 Even less likely to wake up in time

gambloor21 150-1 Likely to miss some of it working on ryder cup betting. Improves his chances of a cash

jon mw 125-1 Mind the horse sh*t outside from where he parks his gelding

silo 100-1 blonde's trophy asset

laxie 125-1 "Shut up please, don't you ever stop?" Just practising in advance

moskvich 50-1 Quiet man, good player.

dunk the donk 100-1 Grimsby's finest fish

daveshoelace 100-1 Britain's most prolific poker writer. Talks more crap than JonMW's horse produces

booder 125-1 Out of form, lets hope this is the one. Go on Colonel!

newportlad 100-1 Lightning unlikely to strike twice. and he is welsh

flea 125-1 "This is not Sky Poker mate, blinds are not going up in 2 minutes and you can fold a hand"

indestructable 150-1 Who invited him? Still, at least no tv cameras there

yt 150-1 A blast from the blonde past.

amgrath 100-1 Man City's finest poker playing supporter

bainn 125-1 Much improved player, a real threat. To my sanity

harmony 150-1. Where there was discord, let there be....a dark horse

zabeen 200-1 No idea. Oh yes, Grier's other half?

grier 150-1 Probably quite decent. Horrible PKR avatar

snat 100-1 A shadow of his former selves

geo 125-1 Attention! Privates hopefully not on parade

maldini 66-1 We are honoured with the presence of Maldini, shortly before he retires from Professional football at the end of the season

pocket lady 66-1 Like chalk on a blackboard.

ripple 50-1 Good guy, good player, had too much luck recently. Go to bad beat hell and do not pass go

jizzemm 66-1 Over/under on mentions of Steven Gerrard over weekend: 13

sharplea 100-1 "Purple Hair, Purple Hair" Prince tribute hairstylist

compo 66-1 Sky analyst. Enough said

suzanne 80-1 Due a biggie. Its coming

matt674 40-1 bbash form horse, perennially

350z 100-1 Prolonged association with the duke a hindrance

brummieboy 100-1 Online pushbot goes live

jimd 125-1 Escapes fiancee for a visit from Plymouth

andrewt 66-1 I have seen the quiz. Don't bother coming Andrew, you'll piss it

amatay 100-1 One table only. How will he cope?

cdw 125-1 Newcastle's finest. Not saying a lot

duke 125-1 Being the duke is a hindrance

celtic 80-1 What was the celtic penalty taker thinking? Even I knew it was going straight down the middle

mondatoo 100-1 Newcastle's not so finest

pieman 80-1 Pies.

tighty 500-1. Business talk, to himself, a go-go

poppet 66-1. Sub-book on her potential conquests on application

XXLOJXX 100-1 Say "cheeeeeeeeeeeese"

joobie 125-1 My first encounter with her jugs. Of beer, lads, of beer!

tuffster 125-1 Another online monkey goes live. See you in the bar at 4pm then

longines 125-1 Ummm, remind me.

dino1980 80-1 Top journo, top player. From Bristol though, so can be ruled out for betting purposes

HOLDorFOLD 500-1 Fold quicker. No quicker. Quicker still. There you go

Stone 200-1 Try getting a tell off him!

bigfella 150-1 Brendan's best mate, a very sad week. Here's to a good weekend in his memory.

rainbow 200-1 Poppet's Mum. Enough said

Cupcake 125-1 5/1 Purple shirt 6/1 Green 8/1 Yellow OTHER PRICES ON APPLICATION

Dan 150-1 Worcester's Molby. On the poker table

kaibobble 150-1 Relying on a lift from littlemissc. Pushes price out....

muszlez 150-1 Luton blonde newbie. Cocky, talented. Young, cocky. Plays luton, cocky.

pelham boy 66-1 GUKPT Luton finallist. supports fine football team

h. 80/1 I J.K.L.M.N.O.P See not so clever username now is it?

kingpoker 80/1 Wales' worst. What was that facebok profile pic? Disgusting

eck sigh 100/1 No I do not want a Sky subscription offer sir

Pawprint 125/1 Southampton player. Owns 2 lovely chocolate labradors. Too distracted abusing Kinboshi in all probability

rudders 100/1 Do not show me your leg scars again!

buzzly62 100/1 Friend of rudders, Welsh. Two counts to disqualify him then

themadcount 250/1 Newbie.

withnail 200/1 Friend of claw, though not giving up poker soon

Foggy 80/1 rate him highly to be honest. No, honestly

mr bp 250/1 Newbie

Ismene 100/1 Talented. Sky Poker producer. Account for that combination?

yennomb 250/1 newbie

riceyrazz 250/1 newbie

shelldiver 250/1 Emuff said

chelsea 125/1 Eat my stack's finest on a covert mission. Or not, now I have blown it

eviledna 125/1 Nasty, evil edna.

RAO 125/1 Bristol's Australian player.

elBlandie 100/1 Another poker journo

reenot 80/1 Devon's best.

lazaroonie 100/1 Still have not recovered from childhood photo of Laz's ears

numptyitb 125/1 Youngester upholds itb clan honour?

nirvana 125/1 Smells like he might be late

jamesitb 165/1 Dunno

technolog 200/1 Investment club guru, shortly to be bankrupt

themole 125/1 If not at bar for too long, likely to be great fun

danish 200/1 Overplays K10 off in more ways than you've ever imagined

cpoulton 125/1 newbie

cazfoz 200/1 Newbie. Nice avatar.

4KingNutz 200/1 Back from the blonde dead, now a dad. Once a protege of mine. Soon disappeared off poker map

the crow 500/1 Lighters at the ready

a stuffed crow 1000/1 Preferably

photurian 125/1 Sky form horse

elbows93 200/1 Dunno

lockdown 200/1 Name of Guy Ritchie's next film

agent74 200/1 And the film after

little missc 100/1 At last, a fun person

chiprich 66-1 And another. We are lucky aren't we?

leknave 66-1 A third fun person? Off for a lie down

olycrawford 125/1 dunno

Rod Paradise 100/1 He had hair once, i saw the proof

royalflush 125/1 First raise will be Q6 off, second raise will be 62 off, third raise will see him in the bar soonafter

royalflush partner 125/1 Good luck madam, though I suspect you already know you'll need that in the years to come

byronkincaid 150/1 late entry, fresh from 26-tabling at 75% rakeback

Daniel DeLuca 125/1 Luton's finest Ice cream van man's son

scouse3465 100/1 Earmuffs please

Pommie 100/1 Friend of JammyJenny

AlexMartin 100/1 Alex, you've already overthought the hand 18 ways, just fold

Who is your virtual money on?