Poker/Gambling Quotes and Sayings

[ukpokerinfo]

Can I have a Valet (sometimes please is said)
Whats the Guarantee?
Change the cards (never please)

and my personal favourite
"They don't do that in Junction 10 !"  GRRRRRR

The occasional "Junction 10 has gone to the dogs" cheers me right back up though

do you realise that you could sell a load of shirts with those sayings on them to the punters

[dik9]

I will have a word with AdamM

[HarlemShuffle]

Can I have a Valet (sometimes please is said)
Whats the Guarantee?
Change the cards (never please)

and my personal favourite
"They don't do that in Junction 10 !"  GRRRRRR

The occasional "Junction 10 has gone to the dogs" cheers me right back up though

Thanks a lot for all your replies. Very useful. I especially like the one liners, such as the above and what Tikay wrote. It's the one liners I'm mostly interested in or stories that I can break down into one liners.

Thanks to Tikay for the ones you wrote. They are so obvious but I hadn't though of them. "I would've won that". Quality! Haha...

Can someone please explain the Junction 10 thing. Am I missing something obvious or is it something specific that you have to know about?

Thanks again all,

HarlemShuffle

[action man]

"you can sheer a sheep many times, but skin him only once" amirrillo slim
" limit holdem is an science, no-limit is an art, in limit you are shooting at targets while in no-limit the targets decide to shoot back"  god knows
"Das schicksal mischt die karten und wir spielen"   fate shuffles the cards and be play

[ifm]

Junction 10 is walsall grosvenor, Dik9 is the cardroom manager at the Broadway casino.
It's a rivalry thing................

[snoopy1239]

 Ooh eck, I must be bored. Anyway, here's my top 20 of poker quotes:


(1) Once you start thinking you have nothing left to learn, you have everything to learn. -- Steve Badget

(2) If, after the first twenty minutes , you don't know who the sucker at the table is, it's you. -- Rounders

(3) Forget about a chip and a chair, give me hand and I'll stand. -- Warren Karp

(4) There is more to poker than life. -- Tom McEvoy

(5) Even a blind squirrel catches the nuts sometimes -- nickylala

(6) You can sheer a sheep many times, you can skin him only once. -- Amarillo Slim

(7) I'd rather be lucky than good. -- Lefty Gomez

(8) Cards are war, in disguise of sport. -- Charles Lamb

(9) People would be surprised to know how much I've learned about prayer from playing poker. -- Mary Austin

(10) Omaha is a game that was invented by a Sadist and is played by Masochists. -- Shane Smith

(11) The guy who invented poker was bright, but the guy who invented the chip was a genius. -- Big Julie

(12) In the Long run there's no luck in poker, but the short run is longer than most people know. -- Rick Bennet

(13) If you're not sure, you're probably in danger. -- Salvatore Allegra

(14) God does not play dice with the universe; he plays an ineffable game of his own devising, which might be compared, from the perspective of any of the other players, to being involved in an obscure and complex version of poker in a pitch-dark room, with blank cards, for infinite stakes, with a Dealer who tell you the rules, and who smiles all the time. -- Terry Pratchett

(15) Besides lovemaking and singing in the shower, there aren't many human activities where there is a greater difference between a person's self-delusional ability and actual ability than poker. -- Steve Badger

(16) Good moves are designed to be used against good players. A 'good move' against a bad player may well be a bad move. -- Bob Ciaffone

(17) A person should gamble every day, because think of how bad it would be to walk around being lucky and not know it. -- Robert Turner

(18) Poker is like life, most people don't learn from their mistakes, they only recognise them. -- C. Ariel

(19) All I know is, if the cards ever break even - I'm screwed. -- Rich Korbin

(20) Most of the money you'll win at poker comes not from the brilliance of your own play, but from the ineptitude of your opponent's. -- Lou Krieger

[HarlemShuffle]

Thanks for all your replies guys. Anyone has anymore keep 'em coming.

[thetank]

"I just raised coz I was fed up asking for change"

When asked why you didn't pass a marginal hand....
"I wouldn't have all these chips if I passed"

[weirwizard]

"Ah f*ck."
"As if I could ever beat John Juanda with Ace f*cking deuce."
"I was up against the two luckist f*cks I've ever seen!"
Dave Ulliet aka the devilfish Ulliot after exiting the monte carlo  millions tournament.

"I don't know where phil ivey was when god was handing out emotions if that's how he looks when he wins over half a million."
Roy Brindley (after phil ivey won the Monte Carlo Millions Tournament)

"Limit poker is a science, but no-limit is an art. In limit, you are shooting at a target. In no-limit, the target comes alive and shoots back at you."
Jack Strauss

"The money?" he says. "The money is a way of keeping score."
Anon
 
"Watching fake-money poker to become better at real-money poker is like watching darts to become better at football."
Anon

Robert Turner: "A person should gamble every day, because think of how bad it would be to walking around lucky and not know it."

David "Devilfish" Ulliet: "The two things you need to be successful in poker are first, find the muck and second, don't play your own money." 

[ACE2M]

Somone said this to me the other day

"At least smile when you take my f#@king Chips"

[Mark from Corals]

On hitting a four outer against two sets for a gutshot the loser turned and hissed c***
the reply came "thats Mr lucky c*** to you"

[wsopin07]

When people ask me why I wear my bracelet and are rude about it I tell them I will talk to them about it " as soon as you win your own WSOP bracelet you piece of xxxx"

[tikay]

And if all else fails Brian, you could always take up Diplomacy as a career.

[Dingdell]

And if all else fails Brian, you could always take up Diplomacy as a career.

 

[tikay]

And Brian's sensitive Post reminds me of a real beautiful one-liner of Brian's, because it says SO much about the guy himself.

"Hi, my names Brian Wilson, & tonight I am your Table Captain".