Help needed, divorce looming..defo non-festive.

[Jimyboy]

Hard to start this, but got to somewhere. If you know something about divorce and the law please read on otherwise save yourself and click next topic.

Basically Missus wants out and I cant get any legal help until an appointment in the new year. I'm really ignorant on the subject, but I really could do with some idea of where I stand in the meantime as not knowing is haunting me. So if you have been divorced or even better if you are lawyer trained I would appreciate some response , even if it isn't particularly good news. It's the legal position that I am after , emotional will be hard but I have things planned to a certain extent to keep me busy, so think I can handle that myself.

Basics of situation. Married 6 years , 2 kids ( 2 & 6), she is the one petitioning for a divorce under unreasonable behaviour although I feel there is not one particular that is true or holds up. However we haven't been getting on, I would like to try and stay to work it out for kids sake but I fail to see her changing her mind.

I have the house on a mortgage under my name, although there is very little equity if any in it if I have to sell I think in the current climate. I earn £40k and my wife owns a business which makes her very little ( £8k- £12k I guess as I have never seen the books properly) but with that she has a business property with equity of about £60k.
I have C/card debts of £12k, which have been accumulated keeping the family afloat as we my wife had some medical problems that stopped her working for a while and the kids of course. I pay for all bills~ mortgage , utilities, food etc and have accumulated this debt through this. Wifes only expense is a small monthly nursery bill.
I am led to believe that she is looking to sell the business property to a family member at a nominal cost, so that she can keep working there and protect the value for herself. We had always seen this as part of "our future" and I am greatly concerned that I am going to be left with none of it and saddled with the C/card debts and maybe even negative equity on the mortgage, care of the kids board and lodging also not to mention child mainenance payments and some claim on my pension.

Can anyone put me in the clear on the financial situation. Also I fail to see a way now of reconcilling, but would it be to my advantantage to stall or refuse a divorce so I can get myself sorted. Also should I try and reduce or holiday on mortgage payments in the meantime?

please feel free to pm me if you feel that is better way than public response. Serious advice would be greatly appreciated.

[booder]

Probably best to seek advice on a specialised forum rather than a poker forum but welcome to Blonde anyway. Interesting first post.

[cia260895]

1st and formost put your mortgage onto interest only,
your credit card bills will have to be paid by you when the divorce settlement goes through,
I tried to get it lumped off but they wouldnt have any of it,
when the correspondence from the solicitors start always try to answer them yourself rather than getting your solicitor to,it'll only cost you shed loads
pension or part of will be shipped to her
as to the equity she has I'm sure that she will have to disclose this so looks like your probably get a % taken into account when the settlement get agreed.
depending on circumstances its normally 70/30 split and you probably will pay 250-300 a month maintenance depending on income.
(talking from personal exp) not legally trained..

keep yr head up you are entering a world of pain

but do try so so so hard that it doesnt get to the kids,

if access and visiting rights are not an issue then this will help..

[byronkincaid]

i would prob post this on the dealing with debt forum here

http://boards.fool.co.uk/Messages.asp?bid=50079

gl

[Jimyboy]

Thanks for the honest reply Cia and the advice on mortgage and solicitors letters.

Im not too sure what you mean 70/30 split~ is that on board and lodging and if so 70/30 which way?

If I am saddled with a large debt , will this reduce the amount I have to pay in maintenance?

Will post on that board, any one know of a more suitable divorce/seperation board?......I tried looking in my IT phobic way but couldn't find one.

[bolt pp]

Hitman FTW

[MANTIS01]

Hitman FTW

Ridiculous advice imo. Someone like Deidre from The Sun is good with this sort of stuff, writing to her would be more helpful and is also legal. Writing also avoids computers which op hates.

[thetank]

keep yr head up you are entering a world of pain

+1

It can get rough.



Don't know if the law is the same in England, but in Scotland a divorce can be brought about if there has been one of the following...

• adultery
• unreasonable behaviour
• 1 years seperation (if mutual)
• 2 years seperation

In the case of the first two, it has to be proved. (and unreasonable behaviour has to be pretty fucking unreasonable, not talking toilet seats or any of that kind of thing)

She doesn't just make some calls and boom, you're divorced. There's a long process, you will have plenty time to seek relevant legal advice in the new year. (In the mean time, don't sign anything... ldo)

If you're proper goosed financially, you may qualify for legal aid. (again, this might just be a Scottish thing though)

Good luck, friends and family ftw

[bobAlike]

Citizens Advice Bureau will give you free advice.

[lucky_scrote]

Hitman FTW

Perfectly timed joke. /sarcasm

[bolt pp]

Hitman FTW

[ ] Perfectly timed joke.

FYP

[Colchester Kev]

DO NOT leave the marital home until you have sought PROPER legal advice.

That is the best and only info you need at the moment ... Stay put and go and see a solicitor ASAP.

[cia260895]

Thanks for the honest reply Cia and the advice on mortgage and solicitors letters.

Im not too sure what you mean 70/30 split~ is that on board and lodging and if so 70/30 which way?

If I am saddled with a large debt , will this reduce the amount I have to pay in maintenance?

Will post on that board, any one know of a more suitable divorce/seperation board?......I tried looking in my IT phobic way but couldn't find one.

70/30 split is the norm in divorce settlements,ie: if there is 100k equity yr wife will get 70k you get 30k,your credit card bill is yours and wont come into the equation even if it was to fund the household,even the CSA wont take that into consideration

[cia260895]

oh and welcome to Blonde btw

[Harmony26]

All the best through this - what I would say is that in England "Unreasonable behaviour" means absolutely anything , utterly ridiculous situation, and, the solicitors have lists and lists of suggestions that they will push to the person wanting the divorce to meet the unreasonable behaviour "requirement".  The only person who wins is the Family Law solicitor.