Alternative Beginner Guides

[platypus]

The other day, in an effort to task avoid, I began wondering whether poker guides for beginners were specific enough. This is the result of my musing.

For the philosopher:

Poker is played with a standard deck of 52 playing cards. Whilst the reality of each of the playing cards may be undetermined play can still go ahead because common consensus is that they are real enough to play with and people agree that certain markings denote certain cards.

Due to this prior agreement it is considered unsporting, nay against the rules (if they exist), to argue about the reality of the hand that beats you.

For the sociopath:

It is advised that you do not play this game. Whilst many of your traits could be usefully applied in poker you may find it difficult to cope when, knowing it is your right to win, you don't.

*Profile of the Sociopath
This website summarizes some of the common features of descriptions of the behavior of sociopaths.

Manipulative and Conning
They never recognize the rights of others and see their self-serving behaviors as permissible. They appear to be charming, yet are covertly hostile and domineering, seeing their victim as merely an instrument to be used. They may dominate and humiliate their victims.
Grandiose Sense of Self
Feels entitled to certain things as "their right."
Pathological Lying
Has no problem lying coolly and easily and it is almost impossible for them to be truthful on a consistent basis. Can create, and get caught up in, a complex belief about their own powers and abilities. Extremely convincing and even able to pass lie detector tests.
Lack of Remorse, Shame or Guilt
A deep seated rage, which is split off and repressed, is at their core. Does not see others around them as people, but only as targets and opportunities. Instead of friends, they have victims and accomplices who end up as victims. The end always justifies the means and they let nothing stand in their way.
Need for Stimulation
Living on the edge. Verbal outbursts and physical punishments are normal. Promiscuity and gambling are common.
Callousness/Lack of Empathy
Unable to empathize with the pain of their victims, having only contempt for others' feelings of distress and readily taking advantage of them.

*Taken from website created by R. Preston McAfee

For the taxman:

Please be aware that you are not entitled to a cut of everyone's stack. You must steal it in the way prescribed by the rules, not the government! You will probably get it eventually anyway.

For the midwife:

Please be patient, some decisions take longer and are more painful than giving birth.

That was as far as my task avoidance took me. If you want to add to this obviously important contribution to poker then feel free.

[Longy]

Wtf I understand about a tenth of this and I have been playing poker for 5 years. I think the average beginners reaction to this "is going to be sod this, anyone fancy a game of monopoly".

[AndrewT]

This is just some spam which has been posted on blogs all over the place - the poker bit at the beginning is just tacked on.

[jakally]

This is just some spam which has been posted on blogs all over the place - the poker bit at the beginning is just tacked on.

If it is Spam, then it isn't very good Spam.

I haven't got a clue what I am being encouraged to buy / do.

[TightEnd]

Just to explain

the first time this was posted, with links, it was deleted as spam

A couple of days later the poster got in touch with us and asked why it had been deleted

During the exchange he said

"Hi

Thanks for getting back to me and explaining.

I apologise that my post could be interpreted as spam.

It was intended to be light hearted although I understand that humour is very subjective and it is not always conveyed well through the written word. Unfortunately there is also the possibility that it is not funny to anyone else but me!"

and asked if he could repost minus any links. A bit nonplussed, we eventually agreed and here the re-post is.

[jakally]

This is just some spam which has been posted on blogs all over the place - the poker bit at the beginning is just tacked on.

If it is humour, then it isn't very funny.

I haven't got a clue what I am being encouraged to laugh at.

Thanks for the clarification - post amended accordingly.

[MC]

Wtf I understand about a tenth of this and I have been playing poker for 5 years. I think the average beginners reaction to this "is going to be sod this, anyone fancy a game of monopoly".

^^lol

What a bunch of verbose gibberish!

[Robert HM]

Welcome to the forum

[platypus]

Am I being paranoid or haven't I quite got my finger on the pulse of this forum?

Yep verbose gibberish is a fair assessment I would have to say but it entertained me for a while. I guess however when it comes to having to explain what you mean to others it might be worth considering quitting.

I do apologise in advance if I have turned anyone to Monopoly.

[MC]

Welcome to the forum

+1

[bolt pp]

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[relaedgc]

If it's any consolation, I managed to grasp that it was meant as a joke.

[platypus]

If it's any consolation, I managed to grasp that it was meant as a joke.

It's some consolation, thanks.

Although responding to this feels a little like being at the posts funeral and receiving consolation because your post has died!

[platypus]

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Thanks, although you may be in the minority.

[thetank]

[  ] denotes sarcasm btw