Snattys unfeasibly long and banal Vegas posts

[Snatiramas]

I just don’t get Wimbledon. I have tried. I can see the amazing athleticism and the challenge of beating an opponent. I can see that it is truly a worldwide sport. I can even see that it is played, on the whole, in the most amazing spirit. It just leaves me cold.

I don’t care if Murray identifies as a Scot or a Brit. I don’t care if Tom Henman’s  real name is Tim. I don’t care if there is now a roof or that we as a society chuck loads of money at grass roots tennis to develop nine first round losers.
Tennis is probably the only sport that I don’t like. The really weird thing is that I have no idea why. I will sit for hours in front of Skys coverage of ten pin bowling or mile after mile of Eurosports coverage of the Tour De France accompanied by truly inane commentary. I will watch all forms of football, rugby and cricket. I am a definite for the darts and speedway.
No logical reason. The problem now is that I have a reason to hate it. I talk of course about female grunting. Not the little noise of air exhalation as one physically exerts oneself. Oh no this is the full on female exclamation like squeal that goes on well after the ball has left the racquet. What are they thinking? Is it supposed to put the opponent off? Well if you are going to do that, you may as well wait for the moment before your opponent is about to hit the ball. I think that might be more effective.

The Cooklins have now introduced this into the weekly shop. We used to play bogies. Well Adam, Rachel and I did. Anne Marie stopped coming grocery shopping with us due to the embarrassment level. For those of you who do not remember Dick and Dom in Da Bungalow, bogies was a game where you went into a public place and took it in turns to say the word bogies ever more loudly. We now do the tennis players grunting game. Somebody picks up a random item on the shopping list and gives off a female like squeal. I do commentary on the item in true tennis commentator fashion as though the squeal is just an everyday occurrence. We crease. We also play stare at the floor just to see if anybody will start staring with us. Works every time.

Tennis fans I urge you to reclaim your sport and to lobby the LTA to put a stop to gratuitous squealing. Other sport highlights this weekend. The England U21’s winning on penno’s. Unbelievable to lose a three nil lead. Then get your goalie booked so he can’t play the final as well as two of your three mainline strikers being banned. Brilliant. Then there was the Lions. It is with deep sadness that I lost money on the lions this week. Six to one was just too sexy a price. One thing was confirmed though. Vickery can’t scrummage.

One last thing to do before leaving this week. I notice in my i pod collection a paucity of classical music so I am off to put it right.

[Snatiramas]

So a couple of days to go and we are at that most embarrassing time of any trip. It rates up there with dancing like a Dad for total and maximum embarrassment factor. Yes ladies and gentlemen with the last wash load currently underway before I leave, I am left with things that I am not going to take with me. Somehow I have to wear a mixture of these random clothes for the next couple of days.

Today sees me in a rather fetching get up of turquoise shorts, beige top and a pair of sandals that I think I bought in the late 1980’s. Better than that I have been walking round the centre of Watford in said items which has generated a range of looks from the passers by. The best moment though was some kid who turned to his Mum and said “Mummy do you think that man is colour blind?”

It has been a great couple of days on the home front. Adam got two silvers and a bronze at the school sports day. Rachel had five pieces of work put up on the school wall and an outstanding showing at football training, she really is turning into quite a solid centre half. Though I know her aim is to play rugby. I am so unsure about this. Yes I know it is sexist but in a years time she will be eligible to play full contact and there are a number of girls teams run by the club. They are well coached but it is a hard game and you can and often do get your features rearranged. Is it wrong for a father to want his beautiful daughter to stay beautiful? Or should I support her in what she wants to do, regardless of my own feelings.  Tough one this. Anyway no rush still got a year.

School reports next. I have to be honest. Anne Marie and I shamelessly incentivise our children. If the end of year report is good, we go out and spoil them in some way. They have both had strong years so the prognosis is good.

On the poker side of things  I have stopped reading or playing and just come on here to find out who is winning what at Luton, and scan a few favourite threads. I particularly like Dingdells thread on professional players and the chat it has generated. For what it is worth my view is that poker for a living would be horrible unless you are staked, sponsored or financed in some way. Poker as a hobby though is just the absolute best fun you can have. Yes I know we bleat about cards and fate and other players and cardrooms and flights and behaviour and payout structures. I mean let us be honest some of the most miserable complaining people on the planet are poker players. The game when you are playing well though, is a delight of bullying, controlling, manipulating and thoroughly politically incorrect actions that are essential to winning. When I play I can and do forget about everything else that is going on in my life. When I win money it is purely as a result of playing well.

Oh yes I know that there is luck involved. I know I am blessed in the mazel stakes. I mean there is no point in going on about luck. The last time I played the main event my Aces were cracked by jacks with all the chips in pre flop. It happens. If you want a game without luck then go play chess. I leave you today with two quotes.

One from the old bloke from Sky (that is very funny by the way  http://tv.pokernews.com/featured-videos/Calling+The+Clock+on+Lynn+Gilmartin/28016970001 )who told me when I was going through a particularly bad patch that “ I never worry as long as I get my chips in ahead”

The other is from Napoleon Bonaparte
“Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake”

[cia260895]

Great reads as usual Phil good luck in Vegas m8 and WIN WIN WIN and then tell us all  about it like only you can

gogogogogo

ps i'd try to advise rachel off playing Rugby there are enough rough around the edges type of girls out there no nneed to add to them

but hey what do i know about teenage girls??

[Matt50]

Just read this thread from the start - if anyone deserves a decent win in vegas.......................

a great read and looking forward to more 

[Dingdell]

Just read this thread from the start - if anyone deserves a decent win in vegas.......................

a great read and looking forward to more 

I suggested to Snatty that if he final tabled I would expect to get flown out on him as part of the railing team. He retorted I could fly myself out as I had a %.

Snatty -  you should remind everyone who has a piece of you.

No pressure on you to win the satts by the way....

[Chompy]

Should we start working on a cheering section song, like that oompa oompa thing Peter Eastgate had last year?

[Dingdell]

Should we start working on a cheering section song, like that oompa oompa thing Peter Eastgate had last year?

OOoh yes.

Something like 'Cookie - lets lookie lookie'  everytime he wins a hand uncontested.

[Snatiramas]

I have always liked Jimmy Wheelers
"aye aye thats your lot". to be shouted out when somebody exits

[salfi]

hopefully u can enjoy all the luck i didnt. im not a guy for complaining about bad luck due to the fact it was the cards that got me there in the first place. but basically i ran like shit and kings are over rated esp the 10th time u get it all in pre to be against some random dog shit that improves and becomes teh best hand.
 my second trip to vegas and more run bad    . but il be back next year with all that run good saved in teh bank.  i do agrea with helmuth with average luck i could of won them all accept event 34 where ide of had to finish second due to the fact that phil helmuth was playin in this tourney. anyway enjoy the trip and hopefully ul come back sayin u ran like god.   1 TIME

[Lucky]

I have always liked Jimmy Wheelers
"aye aye that's your lot". to be shouted out when somebody exits

I always like the one they sometimes shout at The Western, when someone is out.

"Van Gogh"


Apparently it's short for

 "Lost one 'ere"

[salfi]

     

[Karabiner]

Rest assured that I am counting on you winning the satty closely followed by the ME.

Not that luck has anything to do with it, but just to be on the safe side VVVVVVVGL.

Now 

[Snatiramas]

Just read my stars for the week

Week of June 29, 2009: You love to play games of all kinds, Gemini, including board games, puzzles, and jigsaw puzzles. You're a very curious and mentally dexterous air sign and you delight in giving your brain cells a good workout. On Wednesday your clever ruler in Gemini, Mercury, trines philosophical Jupiter and your brain will buzz along on quite a few serious issues. You may temporarily suspend your desire to enjoy life in a lighthearted fashion and become involved in some very thought-provoking discussions with your companions. Your approach to life will take a more emotional turn on Friday as Mercury enters perceptive and sensitive Cancer in your sector of what you value. Your intuition will accelerate and you'll become more aware of the nuances in the actions of those around you. Make sure you follow your sixth sense in the weeks ahead and pay special attention to your dreams, which will be very revealing and prophetic for your life. On Sunday your interest in how you present yourself to others will increase as lovely Venus enters Gemini and your sector of self. You'll be ready to smarten up your appearance and update your image in a way that will accentuate your best features.


So I am just off to buy some french polish for the bald patch

[Snatiramas]

Yesterday was a little tense. It always is just before I go away whether for business or for pleasure but definitely for pleasure. It is the only downside of being such a close family. I spent the day packing. Let me qualify that. I spent the day packing twice. Having packed the suitcase once, I then found that my Delsey leather suitcase, that had faithfully served the family for eighteen years, had given up the ghost. Of course I did not notice that when I took it out of the garage, no I had to wait until everything was packed inside and I was trying to do it up. Okay no panic it is after all only midday the day before I leave. Go and buy a new case.

Why is it that you can‘t just buy a case? Indeed why can’t you just but a definitive anything? The world gets so much more complicated when choice is added to the equation. Online I go straight to the Argos website, here I can check availability and reserve it at my local store. So I do. The only problem is that the one they bring out is turquoise. I definitely ordered black. Lucky I checked what was inside the plain brown box……. Their apology for the mistake was warm and heartfelt or was it non existant.

 Anyway pick Rachel up from school as I am on a roll. Or make that, I am outside of the house and have the car keys in my hand. We go home and I pack for the second time. I pick up Adam from school and the three of us go to Oscars in Kings Langley for supper. It was great. We played one of my favourite games. We impersonate each other and have to take it on the chin. It is fairly brutal but a better mirror it is hard to find. Anne Marie unfortunately worked late but she was with us in spirit.

So packing done I got down to some serious ironing. Nothing like ironing to fill an evening. I now know why nobody likes their washing machine. It produces nothing but ironing and nobody likes ironing. Something else I should add here is that I am now certain that designers of ladies wear have side bets on how awkward they can make a top to iron. A crossover here , a ruffle there and voila something that is impossible for any man to iron.

Back to the plot. Whilst ironing I manage to find some darts on Sky. Live from Vegas. Darts - Vegas. Oh my word. I am going to have to do this. The Mandalay Bay…..mental note to sort out.
Woke up at 2am. No good that. Not supposed to wake up until 6 am. Went back to sleep. Woke up at 2.45am. This went on until 5.30 at which point I just gave up and got up. Shaved, showered and dressed and the cab arrived on time at 6.50 am. 
Get to the station. It is a lovely bright sunny morning and lots of suits are going to work. I decide to brighten the morning journey for them.

So into a fairly full carriage I blast me and the lethal weapon that the new case has become and with a big grin ask out loud if anybody is going to work today? The newspapers come up instantly. What is it about this country. We just hate to communicate unless it is on our terms. Anyway eventually I start a conversation with Franz who is a delightfully camp bodybuilder from Germany. He is flying to Austria to see a friend. I give up and put on my ipod to Green Day.

Easy journey to Gatwick, no hassle, no queue at premium economy. As I am being directed where to go I am approached by a lovely Virgin lady who asks if I am interested in darts. “Well let me tell you” I said to her “I am going to the darts in Vegas if I can get a ticket and result of results she pulls out a letter for two free tickets. All I have to do is turn up at the Mandalay Bay…….Blessed I tell you.

Anyway after a good brekkers and perusal of the sports pages. I board my flight. Now this of course is the worst moment of the trip. Will I get the nutter? Well of course I won’t because I am the nutter. Who do I get but Paul who is a senior account manager with Betfair. Thoroughly nice bloke and we while away some time talking poker, betting, Vegas and life. Then who gets on together but Vic Kanwar and Dingdells best mate Luke Patten. It was a great flight. We talked poker and people and Tracey I honestly believe you must have misheard him. Vic helped me get to my first festival final table when he doubled through my Kings many moons ago.
The flight left on time. It arrived on time with me having watched three movies which were okay but a plane is never good for movie watching. Just for the record they were, In the loop, Last Chance Harvey and Slumdog (again). The ice cream half way through the flight was a particularly nice touch. Hagen Dazs. Wicked. Particularly as Paul was asleep so I had his as well. Paul is seriously into darts and let's be honest I am not so I let him have my two free tickets as he wasn't offered any. I teased him the whole flight first of course.

I was through immigration in, wait for it, 15 mins. Yes 15mins. A new Olympic and world record. Not only that but I bumped into Rab (Luton regular - at least I think his name is Rab, and if it isn’t it should be)  and his missus. Straight into a taxi and off to the Venetian. I try Blatchs trick of the $50 and get it politely returned, but I do get the turn down service and a room almost facing the strip on the 32nd floor. It has a good view. I am happy. I love the room number though 32123.………Words and numbers, backwards and forwards, Snatiramas has arrived. Phil is left in the UK.

It is now 12.15am your time. I am off to have a look round the cardroom after I have unpacked…………

More tomorrow………this is Vegas baby

[Dingdell]

Luke Patten? I have always said that if I mis-heard him I apologise and I said that to him too, but he didn't seem happy with that which is why he then went on to accuse me a few weeks later- three handed in the final of the £1500 at Luton - of cheating. If you remember the 'cheating' he accused me of was help from yourself and Tighty. Obv untrue. It upset me so much i had to leave the table to compose myself after I was warned officially of cheating - just not my style and I was devastated to have been accused of such a thing.

He told me afterwards (quite vindictively I thought) that he did it to get back at me. Nice.

I'm sure he must have improved with age as no one should get your good opinion lightly. I had forgotten all about him, if I came up in conversation I'm surprised.