FML, I am in the Colonies !

[Colchester Kev]

I am currently sat in a hotel room in Aberdeen .. Travelodge to be precise, I use the word "Hotel" in the loosest sense of the word.

I booked early you know, bout 4 or 5 weeks ago, that way you can take advantage of the cheaper rates... well you could if there was any available !!

Anyway, no worries, I have a "Family room" (En suite with Double bed, pull out bed AND sofa bed) was same price as a normal room, so I figured I would get this one ... plenty of room to move about.

The trip started well, left Pompey in plenty of time for the short trip to Southampton airport, but our goodbye was cut short as no sooner had we stopped at the drop off point and started unloading suitcase/lap top bag from the boot, gestapo pounced and virtually shoved Jane back in the car and shooed her away ... another classic case of "give someone a fluorescent vest and they have an irresistible urge to march on poland!"

Into the airport I trot, bemoaning the fact that i didn't get a hug, only one peck and an "air kiss" as yellow vest was virtually dragging Jane into the car ... Jane probably chuckled all the way home, and not just because she didn't have to kiss and cuddle me ... oh no !  .. What would have her in fits of giggles would be the plane that was waiting for me, twin propeller jobby it was, and looked like it would need someone to kick start the bloody thing.

I am not great with flying, well lets narrow it down a bit, its take off that does for me, once the plane is in the air, I'm OK ... its easy , landing the same, no problem at all .. but FML taking off in any plane just scares the shit out of me, I cant open my eyes, I grip onto the arm rests til my knuckles turn white and i have my head right forward, you know the position... Put your head between your legs and kiss your arse goodbye. Once we are airborne and the dolly's are up and walking about, I am fine ... same with landing, never bothers me... weird.


Sooooo Aberdeen, off the plane and head for baggage reclaim, bag safely in my possession its straight to the WH Smiths in the airport for a packet of smokes, they only sell packs of 10, not a problem ... pay with a tenner and FML ... bad beat number 1 ... she gives me a Jock fiver in my change ! .. WTF am i to do  ?, I have no gloves, I am only wearing a T-Shirt so I cant even stretch the sleeves to cover my hands to prevent me touching it... I stuff said note in my pocket and make mental note to bleach my hands when I get to the hotel .... Ahhh yes, the hotel, that brings me back to the start of this post...

I get a Cab from airport to hotel, pleasant journey, cabbie was an old boy, we chatted lots about football, it was all good .. UNTIL i got to the Hotel ... Receptionist had obviously had a refund from the charm school, she had a face that could sour milk from 30 yards, I'm serious this woman would earn a fortune on Halloween, and that's without spending a penny on make up ...

The convo went a bit like this

 ME "Hi, I have a reservation, name of Shepherd, 3 nights please."

COW "Check in is at 3 O'clock"

ME "Ahhhh No problem, I will go and have a wander about for a couple of hours, can I just leave my bags here until I can check in ?"

COW "NO, we don't take bags"

They fkin took you love, was what I thought, but I refrained from saying it out loud..

ME "OK, I will go for a coffee and a bite to eat and come back at 3pm, if the room isn't ready yet"

COW "Room IS ready"

ME "oh right, so can i check in early then please"

COW "£10"

ME "Sorry ?"

COW "Early check in costs £10"

FML .. Welcome to Aberdeen ... really pisses me off, the staff at the airport, all smiles .... cabbie, top bloke ... Hotel receptionist, evil looking cow with a face that looked like a bulldog chewing a wasp and an attitude that stank worse than a cess pit ! .... And guess which of those people will always spring to mind when I think of Aberdeen in future ?

So, I pay my ten quid and head up to my room ... roomy, not too bad, standard travelodge... they are the same where ever you go ... or are they ?


Family room this is, so by definition that is taken to mean families would stay in this room  which in turn means kiddies would be ok in here ... well not with the fucking radiator hanging off the wall and bare wires around the badly fitted socket they wouldn't !!  See Attached Pics ... I propped the heater against the wall myself, was going to ring down to reception to tell them, then noticed that the room doesn't have a phone ... or a remote for the telly ... or any towels

what it does have though ... is a stunning view ... see last pic.


Oh well, it cant get any worse can it ..... Oh hang on my phones ringing ... FML Its Ironside !!

[Acidmouse]

fooking hell I nearly pissed myself at this post, well done

[kinboshi]

Oh well, it cant get any worse can it ..... Oh hang on my phones ringing ... FML Its Ironside !!

Beautifully finished!

Great post Kev.

[celtic]

Oh well, it cant get any worse can it ..... Oh hang on my phones ringing ... FML Its Ironside !!

Beautifully finished!

Great post Kev.

[HOLDorFOLD]

Oh well, it cant get any worse can it ..... Oh hang on my phones ringing ... FML Its Ironside !!

Beautifully finished!

Great post Kev.

+1

this did make me smile

[nirvana]

FYL :-)

[Claw75]

oh dear!  thanks for the laugh anyway!

[The_nun]

Brilliant post Kev, just BRILLIANT, specially this..

 COW "NO, we don't take bags"

They fkin took you love, was what I thought, but I refrained from saying it out loud..

[maccol]

Brilliant post Kev, just BRILLIANT, specially this..

 COW "NO, we don't take bags"

They fkin took you love, was what I thought, but I refrained from saying it out loud..

Yes I lolled

[booder]

It's Scotchland Kev,that room rates 9/10 on the luxury scale up there mate

[AndrewT]

Beautiful view there Kev - nice little family of air conditioning units. Didn't realise they were wild in Aberdeen.

As for the £10 for early check-in - all Travelodges do this now, I had it at the one in Nottingham for the Sky Poker thing last week.

Aberdeen hotels make a bundle for the guys coming off the oil rigs, who don't care too much about dodgy radiators and crappy views as none of them are paying.

[ZZZZZZZROPE]

lol good job, gl if your playing

[ripple11]

Brilliant post Kev, just BRILLIANT, specially this..

 COW "NO, we don't take bags"

They fkin took you love, was what I thought, but I refrained from saying it out loud..

+1

10 quid for checking in early........WTF!!!....never ever heard of that little gem.

[Rod Paradise]

Let's look at this from the other side......

Wee woman working reception in the travel lodge in Aberdeen:


"FML I've got the Friday afternoon shift, now instead of just the roughnecks off the rigs, all horned up and gagging for a bevvy, I'll have a few teuchter's from the wilds of Scotland like Elgin coming to the 'Big City' to get pissed/stoned/laid. At least they'll not be arriving for a while and I can get things prepared for them."

Door opens - in walks a big balding bloke, one eye going for the messages, the other bringing home the change. Kind of like a cross between:



and



"Fuck's sake I think it's trying to speak!!"

'Awight treacle, ow's it going, wanna check me in sharpish so I can get up the apple and pears to me room to get off me plates, get a quick kip, maybe a J Arthur & then get ready to meet me china Ironsides? the name's Shepherd.'

"Right, I caught none of that beyond Shepherd, let's have a look, OK, he's booked in (I want to cry now), well he's obviously some kind of care in the community case who cannae speak the language, we can give him the wrecked room, less for him to nick. Only problem is the early check in fee, if he complains gracefully I'll maybe waive it."

"OK Sir, I'm sorry but there's a £10 charge for checking in early."

'You're avin a giraffe incha? All the way up the Frog from Lahdahn, on that plane with me farmer Giles giving me gip & you want a tenner to let me check in early? Bloody Sweaties!!'

"Right I caught that, he's a sassenach, fuck waiving the fee."

"Sorry Sir it's company policy, I don't make the rules".

'Awight then, it's a load of pony, but I'll cough for it, need a bit of shuteye before I meet Ironsides for a ruby & then he said we're off for the 'karaoke', some place called the Sheep Farm - better be good."

Kev goes up the stairs, wee woman calls in sick for the weekend.

[tikay]

The BEST EVER.