Joke!!

[Woodsey]

A guy is 80 years old and loves to fish.

He was sitting in his boat the other day when he heard a voice say,
'Pick me up.'He looked around and couldn't see any one. He thought he was dreaming when he heard the voice say again,'Pick me up.'

He looked in the water and there, floating on the top, was a frog.

The man said, 'Are you talking to me?'

The frog said, 'Yes, I'm talking to you. Pick me up then, kiss me and I'll turn into the most beautiful woman you have ever seen.
I'll make sure that all your friends are envious and jealous because I will be your bride!'

The man looked at the frog for a short time, reached over, picked it up carefully, and placed it in his front breast pocket.

Then the frog said, 'What, are you nuts? Didn't you hear what I said? I said kiss me and I will be your beautiful bride.'

He opened his pocket, looked at the frog and said,

'Nah, at my age I'd rather have a talking frog.'

[typhoon13]

Wife says to husband, i have just been reading a magazine and it says a BULL is capable of doing it 3000 times a year,    why cant you???

Husband replies, ask the BULL if it has to sleep with the same COW every night.

[sovietsong]

a young bull and an old bull are in a field, the young bull says to the old bull 'I'm going to run over to that field and fuck one of those cows'  old bull says 'I'm going to walk and fuck em all.'

[Girgy85]

A dustman knocks on a Japanese man's door one morning, the jap says 'harro wot u waaan'?

The dustman says ' wheres ya bin' 'I bin on the loo' says Jap.

'No mate wheres ya dust bin' 'I dust bin on the loo' says Jap.

No mate 'stop messing me about wheres ya wheelie bin' 'Hokay I wheelie bin havin a wank!

[bobAlike]

Deleted with respect for Vinny.

[sovietsong]

I got mugged last night. 4 big blokes battered me. During the scuffle I did at least manage to knock one out.



..........Not the best time for a wank but I thought it may be my last.

I went to the doctors this morning. He says i've got to stop masturbating.  I asked why and he said 'because i'm examining you'

[bobAlike]

I'm sick to death of people knocking on my door looking for donations.
Just had one woman from the sperm bank, fuck me did i give her a mouthfull.

[rex008]

Prince Charles is visiting an Edinburgh hospital. He enters a ward full of patients with no obvious sign of injury or illness and greets one.

The patient replies:

"Fair fa your honest sonsie face,
Great chieftain o the puddin race,
Aboon them a ye take yer place,
Painch, tripe or thairm,
As langs my airm."

Charles is confused, so he just grins and moves on to the next patient.
The patient responds:

"Some hae meat an canna eat,
And some wad eat that want it,
But we hae meat an we can eat,
So let the Lord be thankit."

Even more confused, and his grin now rictus-like, the Prince moves on to the next patient, who immediately begins to chant:

"Wee sleekit, cowerin, timrous beasty,
O the panic in thy breasty,
Thou needna start awa sae hastie,
Wi bickering brattle.."

Now seriously troubled, Charles turns to the accompanying doctor and
asks "Is this a psychiatric ward?"

"No," replies the doctor, "this is the serious Burns unit."

[Claw75]

is it OK to start posting volcano jokes yet, or should we let the dust settle first?

[RED-DOG]

 

[henrik777]

is it OK to start posting volcano jokes yet, or should we let the dust settle first?

Blast away.

Sandy

[zzBlizzardzz]

why does it say probation instead of newbie, when did that come in?

It's like a concentration camp

the ones in the concentration camp can't pm. once they get to 10 posts they're let out

Nice one, there's another post

[Woodsey]

Stupid fucking Icelanders, we wanted our cash, not your ash.

[boldie]

I can't wait until it rains!

Free Volvic

[boldie]

Isn't it strange how words that sound the same have different meanings for different languages. For instance in the English speaking world "Sirens"are found on loud emergency vehicles, whereas in Japan it means "be quiet".