Joke!!

[henrik777]

I read a book about the digestive system.
The ending was shit.

Sandy

[sovietsong]

I have a new chat up line that works everytime. it doesn't matter how gorgeous and out of my league they are, it's a winner & I always end up in bed with them.............. ' Excuse me love, could I ask your opinion? Does this damp cloth smell like cloroform to you?'

If its chat up lines your after....

'you've got a kind face....  the kind i'd like to *** all over!!'

[pokerfan]

The average bloke thinks about sex once every six tits.

[pokerfan]

I just heard on the news that gangs are now using dogs instead of knives, I tried this and my toast was very hairy.

[EvilPie]

I got mugged last night. 4 big blokes battered me. During the scuffle I did at least manage to knock one out.



..........Not the best time for a wank but I thought it may be my last.

[ACE2M]

I got mugged last night. 4 big blokes battered me. During the scuffle I did at least manage to knock one out.



..........Not the best time for a wank but I thought it may be my last.

chortle

[HOLDorFOLD]

I got mugged last night. 4 big blokes battered me. During the scuffle I did at least manage to knock one out.



..........Not the best time for a wank but I thought it may be my last.

  thanks Matt, wiping tea of keyboard now. PMSL 

[bobAlike]

I was enjoying a bit of anal sex with my girlfriend last night when she turned to me and said. "Hmm mmm mmhmphmm mm hmmph!"


Don't you just love Gaffer tape?

[MC]

A Jamaican pregnant woman gets into a car accident and falls into a deep coma.

Asleep for nearly six months, she wakes up and sees that she is no longer pregnant. Frantically, she asks the doctor about her baby.

The doctor replies, "Ma'am, you had twins! A boy and a girl. The babies are fine. Your brother came in and named them."

The woman thinks to herself, "Oh no, not my brother, he's an idiot!"

Expecting the worst, she asks the doctor, "Well, what's the girl's name?"

"Denise," the doctor says.

The new mother thinks, "Wow, that's not a bad name!

Guess I was wrong about my brother. I like Denise!"

Then she asks the doctor, "What's the boy's name?"

The doctor replies, "Denephew".

[EvilPie]

Chuckle.

[MC]

How to speak Geordie:

Now say these words.... as they are, without accent.

Ligature, Yeff, Gutter, Fierce, Lake, Appearer, Tets.

Or...

Look at you. You've got a face like a pair of tits.

LOL i like this

It's also impossible to say "beer can" without sounding like a Jamaican saying bacon

[HOLDorFOLD]

Man is lying in bed after sex with his new Thai bride.  She keeps stroking his cock.

He says " Do you like my cock that much?"

She says "No, I just really miss mine"

[sweet potata!]

Man is lying in bed after sex with his new Thai bride.  She keeps stroking his cock.

He says " Do you like my cock that much?"

She says "No, I just really miss mine"

   I'm probably going to rob that one on you , no hard feelings i hope.

[bobAlike]

I've just come out of the 'chippy' with a meat and potatoe pie, large chips, mushy peas & a jumbo sausage.
A poor homeless man sat there and said 'I've not eaten for two days' I told him 'I wish I had your f**king will power'

[Girgy85]

Paddy was in a bar with 5 of his friends, it was Paddys round so he went upto the bar.

" 6 pints of guiness please" said paddy to the barman.

Barman pulls paddy 6 pints of the black stuff and puts them on the bar.

"Would you like a tray for those Paddy?" said the barman.

"No thanks" replies Paddy "Dont you think ive got enough to carry!"