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Joke!!
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Topic: Joke!! (Read 314997 times)
henrik777
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Posts: 2667
Re: Joke!!
«
Reply #645 on:
September 16, 2011, 11:30:04 AM »
My mate rang me and asked, "What're you doing at the moment?"
I said, "Probably failing my driving test."
Sandy
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bobAlike
Hero Member
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Posts: 5922
Re: Joke!!
«
Reply #646 on:
September 17, 2011, 12:42:02 AM »
I bumped into an old mate today.
I said "What are you upto these days?"
He said "I prepare meals for the homeless, druggies, piss heads and down 'n' outs."
"thats very noble of you, which charity drop in centre do you work at?"
"No no no, I'm a chef in the local Wetherspoons"
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Ah! The element of surprise
henrik777
Hero Member
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Posts: 2667
Re: Joke!!
«
Reply #647 on:
September 18, 2011, 06:20:45 PM »
What's the difference between Fernando Torres and Wayne Bridge?
John Terry appreciates Wayne Bridge's missus.
Sandy
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ACE2M
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Posts: 7841
Re: Joke!!
«
Reply #648 on:
September 19, 2011, 05:31:18 PM »
I popped into the Borg supermarket the other day for some apples.
I wanted some braeburns but they only had pink ladies.
I asked an employee for some help but she didn’t know so she put out an announcement over the tannoy
‘Assistance in fruit aisle’
Logged
gatso
Ninja Mod
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Posts: 16222
Let's go round again
Re: Joke!!
«
Reply #649 on:
September 19, 2011, 06:11:22 PM »
Quote from: ACE2M on September 19, 2011, 05:31:18 PM
I popped into the Borg supermarket the other day for some apples.
I wanted some braeburns but they only had pink ladies.
I asked an employee for some help but she didn’t know so she put out an announcement over the tannoy
‘Assistance in fruit aisle’
that took me a very long time to get
Logged
If you get to the yeasty clunge you've gone too far
bobAlike
Hero Member
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Posts: 5922
Re: Joke!!
«
Reply #650 on:
September 19, 2011, 07:08:12 PM »
Quote from: ACE2M on September 19, 2011, 05:31:18 PM
I popped into the Borg supermarket the other day for some apples.
I wanted some braeburns but they only had pink ladies.
I asked an employee for some help but she didn’t know so she put out an announcement over the tannoy
‘Assistance in fruit aisle’
7/9
Logged
Ah! The element of surprise
gatso
Ninja Mod
Hero Member
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Posts: 16222
Let's go round again
Re: Joke!!
«
Reply #651 on:
September 19, 2011, 07:40:52 PM »
Quote from: bobAlike on September 19, 2011, 07:08:12 PM
7/9
Logged
If you get to the yeasty clunge you've gone too far
EvilPie
Hero Member
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Posts: 14253
Re: Joke!!
«
Reply #652 on:
September 19, 2011, 07:50:56 PM »
Thanks for the excuse.
Click to see full-size image.
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Motivational speeches at their best:
"Because thats what living is, the 6 inches in front of your face......" - Patrick Leonard - 10th May 2015
sovietsong
Hero Member
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Posts: 8497
Re: Joke!!
«
Reply #653 on:
September 19, 2011, 08:21:59 PM »
Quote from: gatso on September 19, 2011, 06:11:22 PM
Quote from: ACE2M on September 19, 2011, 05:31:18 PM
I popped into the Borg supermarket the other day for some apples.
I wanted some braeburns but they only had pink ladies.
I asked an employee for some help but she didn’t know so she put out an announcement over the tannoy
‘Assistance in fruit aisle’
that took me a very long time to get
can you fill me i please... i feel so stupid.
Logged
In the category of Funniest Poster I nominate sovietsong. - mantis 21/12/2012
Alverton
Hero Member
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Posts: 1026
Re: Joke!!
«
Reply #654 on:
September 19, 2011, 08:27:49 PM »
Quote from: bobAlike on September 19, 2011, 07:08:12 PM
Quote from: ACE2M on September 19, 2011, 05:31:18 PM
I popped into the Borg supermarket the other day for some apples.
I wanted some braeburns but they only had pink ladies.
I asked an employee for some help but she didn’t know so she put out an announcement over the tannoy
‘Assistance in fruit aisle’
7/9
Logged
Geo the Sarge
Hero Member
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Posts: 5528
Re: Joke!!
«
Reply #655 on:
September 19, 2011, 09:14:43 PM »
A man was cupping his hand to scoop water from a highland burn when a game keeper shouts. 'Dinae drink thon waatur! It's foo ae coo's keech an pish!
The man replies "my good fellow i'm English can you repeat for me", the keeper replies, 'I said, use two hands you'll get more that way"
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When you get..........give. When you learn.......teach
ForthThistle
Hero Member
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Posts: 2296
Re: Joke!!
«
Reply #656 on:
September 19, 2011, 09:32:18 PM »
Quote from: Geo the Sarge on September 19, 2011, 09:14:43 PM
A man was cupping his hand to scoop water from a highland burn when a game keeper shouts. 'Dinae drink thon waatur! It's foo ae coo's keech an pish!
The man replies "my good fellow i'm English can you repeat for me", the keeper replies, 'I said, use two hands you'll get more that way"
Quality Geo...
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APAT NLHE Southern European Champion 2010
Take on Tikay February League Winner 2011
Rastafish throws himself headfirst into the railbirds, arms outstretched but the sea of bodies parts and Rastafish misses and crashes through the barrier on all fours.
bobAlike
Hero Member
Offline
Posts: 5922
Re: Joke!!
«
Reply #657 on:
September 19, 2011, 11:38:16 PM »
Quote from: EvilPie on September 19, 2011, 07:50:56 PM
Thanks for the excuse.
Click to see full-size image.
You should never need an excuse to post that.
Logged
Ah! The element of surprise
david3103
Hero Member
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Posts: 6104
Re: Joke!!
«
Reply #658 on:
September 20, 2011, 10:36:35 AM »
Monday, September 19, 2011
A wife's confession
An elderly couple were having dinner one evening when the husband reached across the table, took his wife's hand in his and said, "Martha, soon we will be married 50 years, and there's something I have to know. In all of these 50 years, have you ever been unfaithful to me?" Martha replied "Well Henry, I have to be honest with you. Yes, I've been unfaithful to you three times during these 50 years, but always for a good reason.
Henry was obviously hurt by his wife's confession but said "I never suspected. Can you tell me what you mean by 'good reasons'?''
Martha said "The first time was shortly after we were married, and we were about to lose our little house because we couldn't pay the mortgage. Do you remember that one evening I went to see the banker and the next day he notified you that the loan would be extended?" Henry recalled the visit to the banker and said "I can forgive you for that. You saved our home, but what about the second time?"
Martha said "Do you remember when you were so sick, but we didn't have the money to pay for the heart surgery you needed? Well, I went to see your doctor one night and, if you recall, he did the surgery at no charge". "I recall that" said Henry. "And you did it to save my life, so of course I can forgive you for that. Now tell me about the third time."
"Alright" Martha said. "So do you remember when you ran for president of your golf club, and you needed 73 more votes..."
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It's more about the winning than the winnings
5 November 2012 - Kinboshi says "Best post ever on blonde thumbs up"
bobAlike
Hero Member
Offline
Posts: 5922
Re: Joke!!
«
Reply #659 on:
September 22, 2011, 08:54:42 PM »
The wife bought me a lovely new rolex for my 40th birthday.
"Do you like it ?"she said.
"It's great!" I said "it will remind me of your pussy"
She laughed "is that because its exclusive and sexy?"
"Nah, its a bit loose round my wrist!"
Logged
Ah! The element of surprise
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